Alienation is defined as the state or experience of being isolated from a group or an activity to which one should belong or in which one should be involved, alienation is a word that Mingyu feels applies to him to a point.
You see, Mingyu is such an odd but basic case. He's unhappy with his unsatisfactory life but just as unhappy in his clueless fumbling about. He can't grasp an in-between that's stable and okay.
His fingers are numb as they tap out the heavy beat of the song he's been blasting since he pulled out of his driveway. His car is cold, he hadn't turned on the heater nor has he even acknowledged the November chill in the air.
There's no plan, he just got in and went. Mingyu can't fully remember why he left his house, after all he hadn't stepped foot of his property in a week and only vaguely recalls what he'd done in his spare time. Today he'd felt a bit better, still hadn't slept the night before and foggy headed but he hasn't fallen into a pit of self loathing yet and doesn't think he will anytime soon. At least he hopes not.
He still doesn't have the courage to call Minghao or Wonwoo, and honestly even if he did he wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. Soon he will, but not now.
Mingyu let's his attention wonder a bit as he slows to stop at a street light.
The town is oddly quiet for a Friday evening, only a few other vehicles pass him by and almost nobody is on the side walks. The sun's already going down, turning the sky a growing fuchsia color with each second that goes by. He blinks at the setting skyline.
If the blue hour was his favorite time of day, sunsets are his second favorite.
At some point he ends up parked in front of the EZ Mart, the gross neon lights have kicked on and cast an ugly green and red glow on his car's hood. He shuts down the ignition and sighs, glancing down at the half empty pack of cigarettes in the cup holder.
It's the one time he doesn't need anything, but feels compelled to go and buy something. He frowns before shaking his head and jumps out of the car with a grunt.
Just like the streets, the store is empty besides the cashier and Mingyu himself and yet he still has a strange feeling in his gut. He frowns, gnawing at the inside of his cheek until the burning copper taste appears on his tongue.
Instead of heading straight for the counter, Mingyu makes a beeline for the refrigerators. He glances around through the foggy glass doors, too many options. Too many choices, choices that could lead him anywhere or impact him somehow. Like a twisted fate, red pill blue pill if nothing else.
Maybe he's thinking about it too hard, just the thought now that a simple drink choice could set his life on a new course is ridiculous. Right? The Butterfly Effect was a real thing, but surely it couldn't work like that for him.
He's not Ashton Kutcher, and he can't go and change the past.
He sighs and props the door open to blindly grab a bottle, even his thoughts make no sense now.
"Hey..."
Mingyu flinches and jerks his head to the side, eyes widening for a moment before he tenses up.
Of course, his luck doesn't allow him to run from his problems. It makes perfect sense, theoretically, that Wonwoo would have gone to the empty EZ Mart at sun down on a Saturday. Of course he'd be there at the same time, in the same isle, with the same weathered look. Mingyu doesn't have luck nor does fate shine down on him lightly.
Wonwoo seems to have a sixth sense when it came to tracking Mingyu down when he was out of it, it seemed more a talent now more than anything. He could find him like a needle in a hay stack, sharp eyes zoning in and blindly following an unspoken road right to the younger. Mingyu's not even sure if Wonwoo realizes just how un-coincidental it felt at this point.
So, Mingyu blinks, just to be sure he's not hallucinating. But of course he's not and Wonwoo is still standing there, dark eyes staring right into Mingyu like he can read his racing mind.
Mingyu swallows around the lump that had formed in his throat, but he can't speak. What would he even say?
Mingyu had never been the type to chatter endlessly sure, but it's not often that he is mute in face of something. He can always find something to say, always find a way to butt in, even in dire depressing topics or broken heart moments. But now his vocal cords are frozen, his mouth is cotton, and he doesn't know how to open his jaw.
His heart is busy beating uncomfortably fast, guilt and nerves spiking at alarming rates just by seeing the one person he didn't know how to confront or talk to. And he'll be honest and say that it slightly annoys him just how calm the other looks, as if that's abnormal.
Unlike himself, Wonwoo hadn't done anything and shouldn't feel anything other than annoyance at just seeing Mingyu's name. But Mingyu's been over that a thousand times now, why continue to repeat himself until his throat is sore?
He blinks again, blanking on what to do or if he should speak.
Wonwoo, whether a blessing or a curse, seems to understand that Mingyu isn't going to reply anything soon because he speaks up again. Though, his voice is softer and weak as he opens the refrigerator door next to the one Mingyu is in front of.
"You've been standing there for five minutes..."
Uh. Had he?
Mingyu frowns and glances to the windows that the line the stores front, and sure enough the sun had completely fallen beyond the horizon and left no glow in it's absence. He moves his focus around the store, it's still empty besides the new addition of Wonwoo. It's almost unsettling.
He turns his attention back to the senior as he hears his voice pipe up again.
"Are you busy?"
Mingyu looks at the other and pauses, actually looks at him.
"Huh?"
Wonwoo shuts the door, a bottle in hand with a pink lable and pink liquid sloshing around, and gives Mingyu an odd look. He can't see his eyebrows, their covered by black bangs that seem longer than the last time he'd seen him, but he can tell that Wonwoo raises one at his confused noise if the slight shift in his eyes are any indication.
"You heard me, so are you?"
Mingyu frowns deeper
"Why?"
Wonwoo shrugs, almost nonchalantly.
"I need help with something."
"From me?"
The other scoffs, ugly noise high in his throat.
"No, I mean the guy down the isle."
Mingyu frowns and turns to look around the store again, finding it just as empty as before. He blinks, internally cringing as he realizes the sarcasm in Wonwoo's voice. He focuses back onto Wonwoo, gripping the bottle in his own hand tighter.
"Ah..."
Wonwoo makes a noise high in his throat, something between a snort and a groan that feels too playful given the moment. He doesn't respond to Mingyu's uncertain sound and instead grabs the bottle in Mingyu's hand without saying a thing. Mingyu watches him walk away, towards the counter, and winces at the rush of nostalgia that hits him. He follows after, feet heavy and steps sluggish.
'Are you busy?'
'No, why?'
'Do you want to hang out? Only if you want I mean...'
It seems like such a long time ago now, which is crazy considering it's had only been just over a month and a half since his radar had finally pinged one Wonwoo Jeon. That's not long, and that's not really a nostalgia trip. Mingyu had barely been in someone's life for two months and managed to messed up what normally takes a year to build. He was busy building a house with a frame.
Mingyu bites down on his tongue as he watches Wonwoo pay for their things just like Mingyu had done once.
'Sure, let's hang out. Where to?'
'Park? We can swing or something'
It makes his chest hurt.
-
AAAA, I've been MIA for a while huh?
Sorry for the long wait for an update!
I've been pretty overwhelmed with life for the past few months and thus I haven't had to time nor motivation to write for any of my stories.
I know updates are going to remain slow for now, for various personal reasons, but I'll try my best to get one out sooner than this one!
As a sorry, have this drawing of Wonwoo I did a while back:
If you follow my instagram you already saw it back in late January, but I know not many do! So here!