"Mal, malice can you hear me" my eyes focus on daryl a few inches away from me "Y-ya" my voice hitches in my throat my eyes unfocusing again. My head pulses turning into an uncomfortable numb, pushing myself up I fall down the first step I take "Woah woah easy there mal" I shrug off whoever's touching me. Standing back up I walk passed the rest of the group "Malice wai-" "Let er go she'll work it out." Stumbling numbly to the perimeter I slide down the fence looking at the walkers pushing against the gate. "Breath she wanted this she said she wanted this is not your fault" The tears fall and my breathing becomes erratic. I try pulling air into my sqeezing lungs "I'm sorry" I apologize falling over the rocks digging their way into my back. I gag trying to throw up something that isn't there "Breath lucille breath" I choke out the words pulling myself up against the fence again.
Closing my eyes I force the air out of my mouth before inhaling again "She wanted this your gonna be okay." Wiping my face with the inside of my shirt I grab the fence pulling myself up. Keeping my breathing under control I block my thoughts and start dragging my feet back to the building. Walking into the yard I see glenn in the grass digging, biting my cheek I turn my head only to be met with hershels small frown.
"Are you okay" his voice holds sadness "Yea I thi-" shaking my head I close my eyes tightly trying to not let the tears fall "No I'm not actually I-I killed her hershel, I don't know what to do I can't- I don't think I can take this kind of weight." He lays his hand on my shoulder "This is what she wanted and I know you can get through this, you have made it this far. This obstacle is no different than the ones you've already beaten you will be fine I have faith in you" looking up I open my mouth to talk but decide against it. "Now come on" he goes over to the fence and I follow replaying his words.
Glenn walks up to the fence "Rick" his voice breathless hershel shakes his head "Still inside" "Okay I'll get him malice" I look up from my blood stained hands to glenn's dirt covered face a small fleeting smile breaks my tear drenched face. "I'll be fine, eventually" nodding his head he gives me a small smile before looking back at axel and oscar "A third of our group in one day" "Because of one asshole" the silence between them is short.
Before they start talking again I walk away sitting at one of the picnic tables 'She wanted this, she wanted this.' I jump when I hear the gate open "Malice you okay out here" glenn asks standing in front of me "Yea I'll be fine out here" gently sqeezing my shoulder he pulls out his gun walking into the prison. Looking down I bite my lip "Mal" raising my gaze I smile softly at carl holding his sister "Do you want to hold her." I nod my head and he slowly walks over with Beth a step behind him.
Tears make there way down my face again as I look at the babys blood smeared face "I'm sorry carl I-I" " I don't blame you lu" he says lowly tears slowly making there way down his cheeks. Wiping the tears away I can't help but smile, carl smiles and abruptly hugs me carefully so he doesn't hurt his baby sister. Wrapping my arm around his small torso my voice comes out thick "Thank you" pulling away I wipe my tears away "Why don't we give her a bath and put her in some warm clothes" looking up at beth I give her a smile and stand up keeping a firm hold on the little girl in my arms.
Carl and Beth boil a small pot of water so we can mix it with the cooler water. Making sure the water isn't hot I slowly ease her into the warm water, wincing at the sudden scream. "Easy babygirl your alright it's alright"I reassure dipping the rag into the water. Humming softly I wipe away the blood "Here I think she'll like these" I look at the clothes in beth hands me and grab the towel carl brought wrapping it around her. "Thank you beth I think she's gon love em" drying her off I put a diaper on her and fight to put the clothes on her.
Walking around I lightly bounce her and hum softly trying my best to ease her hunger pain. "It's dark do you think they'll be back in time" looking back at beth I clear my throat to keep my voice calm "They'll be back in time." She sits down putting her chin in her palm "Beth" my head whips to the entrance "How she doin" daryl asks "She's alive" I respond putting my arms out so he can take her "Shhh Shh" everybody stands in a circle beth handing daryl a bottle filled with milk.
Daryl gives her the bottle and she instantly takes it making me smile along with everybody else "She got a name yet." He questions carl who only shakes his head solemnly "Not yet but I was thinkin maybe Sophia there's carol to, and andrea amy, Jacqui Patricia or lori I don't know" The pain in his voice is evident. I put my hand around carls shoulders "You like that huh, you like that lil asskicker right that's a good name right." Everybody laughs and I couldn't help but giggle "Huh you like that sweetheart" there's a comfortable silence as we watch daryl hold and feed the newborn. "I used to hold ya like this when you was a baby calmed ya right down" I smile even though I don't have any memory from the time. "Hershel can you look at the cut on my arm I forgot about it earlier" I ask sliding my jacket off and pulling down my flannel showing the red guaze. Walking over I bite my lip and pull off the soaked cloth "How did this happen" I hiss when he wipes peroxide over the cut "I was cut by one of the prisoners." He hums at my short answer and puts more gauze and tape on it.
"I think we all should turn in we'll take shifts with the baby through out the night" hershel states and everyone nods agreeing to his words. "I'll take the first" daryl says "I'll take second or if you need a break just come get me" my voice echos around the silent concrete room "Alright." Turning around I make my way back to my cell, sitting down on the bed I lay down and face the wall curling in on myself. "Mal" opening my eyes looking at an exausted daryl still holding lil asskicker. Rubbing my eyes I stand up with a yawn "Sun's gonna be up in about two hours I wanna get some rest before then" I hum nodding my head and taking the sleeping baby from his arms. "Go to bed I'll take care if her" he grunts and walks away. Turning around I put her on the bed in-between me and the wall. Laying my head against my hand I smile at the small human peacefully sleeping.
A small whine is what pulls me out of my shallow sleep, looking down at her I stand up before picking her up and bringing her down stairs and giving her the rest of the bottle from before. "There ya go sweetie" I smile when I see daryl standing in the doorway. "How's she doin" my head snaps to hershel as the rest of the group comes in "She's doing good just a little hungry" a smile breaks my face. "I made y'all food" Daryl's voice breaks the small silence "Thanks daryl" Beth's soft voice cuts through the concrete. I sit down with judith still in my arms and slowly eat the bland oatmeal while feeding her. Taking the bottle out of her mouth I lightly rock my arms while I take another bite from my bowl "Everybody okay" I look up from the sudden voice. My eyes stay glued to rick tears clouding my vision "Yea we are" maggie answers as rick slowly walks to the table not making eye contact with anybody. "What about you" hershel questions and rick looks everywhere but at him "Cleared out the boiler block" His voice is horse and shakey.
My mouth moves before my brain can process it "How many were down there." Rick doesn't acknowledge me instead he stays quiet for a few moments "I don't know a dozen two dozen and I have to get back just wanted to check on carl." He pats carl's back and starts walking back "Rick we can handle taking out the bodies okay you don't have to" glenn says making rick turn around "No I do" Rushing over to daryl he asks "Everyone have a gun and a knife" daryl nods his head "Yea were runnin low on ammo though" "Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon found a phonebook some places we can hit for bullets and formula" glenn explains and we all look at him. "We cleaned out the generator room axels there tryna fix it incase of emergency we wanna sweep the lower levels as well" daryl adds and rick rushes out "Good good." "Rick" hershel calls out and I flinch when he shuts the cell door "Beth can ya take her" she looks over "Yeah" holding out her arms I slide her over to beth who get an instant smile "Thank you." Standing up I walk over to a still standing glenn "I wanna go with you" he sighs "Glenn I want to go with you I need to" my words come out harsher than I wanted.
Opening his mouth daryl cuts him off "No mal we need ya here to help carl and Beth look after lil asskicker" looking back at my uncle I slowly nod my head "Yea okay sorry." My voice is gets weaker with every word "Hey don't worry we'll be back" glenn whispers and pulls me into him I wrap my arms around him tightly. "I'll hold ya to that" I push myself away and put myself next to daryl and close my eyes. I hear hershels crutches "Where are you going" glenn asks and I open my eyes to see hershel by the door "I'm checking on rick" he states simply and I stand up "Want me to come with you just incase." Dismissing my words with a head shake he opens the gate and hobbles out.
Daryl oscar and carl go into the tombs after maggie and glenn left leaving me with Beth and little asskicker. "Did you have any kids before this" I choke on my water almost spitting it out from beths question. "No I only just turned eighteen but, I do want kids someday" my words trail out and we're left in another silence. I pick up my gun from the creak of the cell door only to sigh and put it down at the sight of hershel. "How is he" hopping in he sits down sighing "He's as good as he can be right now" giving him a small smile I look down at the small squirming bundle. Carl and oscar made there way back "Where's daryl" I question standing up "He stayed back to keep sweeping" oscar said and carl sits next to beth. Sighing I sit back down and oscar walks back to his cell putting us in a content silence. "Why don't I take her and you go get yourself cleaned up a bit" looking up at hershel I open my mouth to respond but get cut off from sqealing hinges. Rick slowly walks towards me and I stand up again taking a step closer to him so we're about and inch apart. I hand her over to rick a smile shaping my face.
Rick starts walking towards the door and I help hershel stand up so we can follow him. I let out a breath as the sun hits my face "She looks like you" rick comments and carl smiles. Ricks face goes slightly ridged and I follow his line of sight my smile instantly dropping when I see a person limping up to the gate with a red bag. "Hey you got her, alright okay" I pat carls shoulder and walk a few steps behind rick to the gate, pulling out my gun I squint my eyes from the sun. I stop behind rick and watch as a woman carrying a red shopping basket stops right in the middle of half a dozen walkers.