listen to fck me by i hate myself because
delany:
i was squirming with excitement. davies told me that i was most likely to be selected and that he barely had an ounce of doubt in it.
we were having a small celebration in our dorm with chocolate frogs and some little lemon cakes luna managed to sneak from her friends in the kitchens.
cedric was also there, sitting on my desk chair, holding a card in his hand, frowning. "it's scamander again.", he complains and tosses the card at me.
i catch it and toss it right back at him, hitting him in the face. "ouch!", he winces and i smirk at luna, who's biting off a cake. she is smiling lightly, like she always does.
"tell me, luna, did i see harry talking to you earlier on? what was that about?", i ask her and her smile broadens. she puts down the half eaten cake and cedric looks up from behind his hands.
"oh, not much, really. i was wondering wether he would like to escort me to the yule ball.", she tells us and i clap my hands together.
"you two would look great together.", i promise her and she rests her head on one of her shoulders, blushing slightly.
cedric chuckles and gets up, walking towards my bed and sitting down by me. i lay my head into his lap and he starts to braid strands of my hair.
"well, you do know that you two would be ideal?", she says coyly and i fake a gag, pointing a finger in my mouth. cedric chuckles.
"when trolls fly, luna.", he agrees and she shrugs melodramatically. "you're wasting a potential life of perfection but you do you.", she jokes and i wave her off.
"it would never happen, luna.", i repeat and she sighs. "i know, i know.", she mutters and retrieves her lemon cake. "especially since you're seeing dr-", she continues but i interrupt her.
"what did you say?", i speak and lift my head out of ced's lap to glare at her. she almost drops her cake out of her hand. cedric has stopped braiding my hair.
"you're seeing someone?", he chokes. i look up at him and the pain is evident in his eyes. the pain he was feeling right now was now wearing off on me and i hated every moment of it.
he has the face of disbelief. and i can understand where he's coming from. he's known me my entire life and he knows that i trust him more than i trust myself.
it hurts him that i didn't tell him about this.
"ced, really, i don't even know myself what's going on between me and him.", i stammer and sit up, taking his hand. he shakes me off. i can feel my heart start to crack inside me.
"hey, ced, listen, we haven't even been on a date yet. he hasn't even asked me out!", i speak and i can hear my voice crack, knowing i'm this close to crying.
i'm trying to grab onto his arm, to hold him down, to keep him with me. but he frees himself from my grip and shuts his eyes, turning away from
me.
"just give me a moment, okay?", i claw for an answer. "i can explain everything. i'll tell you everything. i swear!", i keep begging but he doesn't speak at all.
luna has gone silent in her corner and gets up, walking out and leaving us alone. he still doesn't move, even when the door closes.
"cedric, i love you. please don't shut me out, i need you.", i whisper into his shoulder, tears forming in my eyes. he breathes in deeply and looks at me.
he has this blank look on his face and for the first time ever, i have no idea what he could possibly be thinking about.
"who is it?", he demands and i shake my head, shutting my eyes. he sighs. "what can you tell me, delany?", he murmurs and i open my eyes again to look at him.
he has a frown on his face, full of concern, and i feel awful. i feel even worse at what i reply to him, because for the first time, i'm lying straight to his face.
"that i will not be seeing him any more."
-
i barge right in through the doors and see him sulkily sitting on the windowsill. i grab my wand from my pocket and direct my spell right at him.
"petrificus totalus!".
he stiffens and falls to the floor with a soft groan. i swish my wand at the door and it shuts quietly. "muffliato.", i chant and the room is sealed soundproof.
i kick at his stone figure at my feet. "you ass!", i scream and keep kicking him till i feel my tears running down my cheeks, hot and unwelcome.
i fall to my knees and unfreeze draco, my sobbing getting louder and messier. he winces and scrambles up into a squat, reaching out to touch my face.
i smack his hand away and shove him. he falls down onto his back side and his back collides with the wall. i climb onto his lap and smash my lips onto his, pushing them hard against each other.
he complies and kisses me back, putting his arm around me, his fingers on the lower part of my back, making their way further down.
when i pull away i smack him hard across the cheek. he grunts and i can feel him harden under me. "isn't this what you wanted, malfoy?", i hiss at him and pull him back in for another harsh kiss.
it's he who shoves me now, right off of him. i don't have a skirt on for once, but i know that if i had, it would be hitched right up my jacksy.
"come on, aster.", he grumbles and gets up slowly, wiping the side of his mouth, which, i realize only now, is dripping with blood.
he holds a hand towards me. "let's get you a bath.", he whispers. i get up without taking his hand but as soon as i'm standing, i do. he chuckles and pulls out his wand, casting a light as we walk out of the room.
-
"honeycomb.", he says and the door to the prefects' bathroom opens for us. he holds his hand out and i walk in, glancing around the room.
in the middle of the room was a pool, large enough for at least 15 students, with different colored taps on each side of it.
the door shuts and draco walks up beside me. the glass pane depicted a picture of a mermaid on a rock, combing her hair. every now and then, she waved at us or flipped her hair.
"c'mon, get undressed.", draco chuckles and i scoff at him. he eyes me up and down and kisses the top of my head before walking away to the second part of the bathroom.
i look down at my heather colored sweatshirt with the white print of a feather on it. it used to be my mothers.
i take it off, along with the gray shirt i was wearing underneath and stare at my chest oddly. did i take off my bra? i mean, what did it matter, anyway?
i reach to my back to unclasp it but i struggle, tugging at it pointlessly. a pair of hands fixate on mine and remove them. the clasp springs open and the stroke of warm fingers on my back is unmistakable.
i slide the bra off of my chest and toss it onto the already building pile of clothes. draco walks past me and steps into the water, turning a dark purple handle.
i climb out of my jeans and watch his hungry eyes as i get in the water myself, embracing its warmth it spreads across my body.
i wade over to draco and he holds his hand out towards me, which i greedily take. his rings are cold on my skin. i snake my hands up his arms and wrap them around his neck, pulling his face down to kiss me.
he complies and leans my head back, making my hair wet to the scalp. we part our lips and his tongue is patiently feeling it's way around my mouth.
a hand of his is on my head, his fingertips massaging it. i gasp and moan softly when he pushes himself between my legs, making me feel him through his boxers.
i pull away from him and glare at him. "you're a disgrace, malfoy.", i hiss at him and he smirks, moving his hand down to my arse, lifting me up onto him.
i wrap my legs around him and he takes a seat by the edge, leaving me on his lap, just like i wanted. i am about to smack him again when he grabs ahold of my wrist.
"we're not in the tower anymore, are we, aster?", he smirks knowingly and i stiffen. i grit my teeth together and hope they don't crack at the pressure i was putting on them.
his hand moves along the line of my panties and i feel like jelly in his hands when he gets to the front, feeling along the wet lace.
"would you like me to fuck you, right here, right now?", he whispers and i choke on my breath. "you are one nasty douchebag.", i snap at him.
but i nodded. i fucking nodded.
his hands were faster than i wanted them to be. he rips the front part of my panties and flips us around, pushing me hard against the wall.
i wince and gasp for air. he's throwing out his wet boxers out of the water and i try to look down at him, but it's all covered up with bubbles.
"don't worry, princess, i'll go soft for now.", he promises and rips my panties off completely, baring me. i had not complied to this.
but something made it euphoric to me. it gave a rush, a thrill. it felt like a bad thing to do and that just made me want to do it even more.
"draco.", i moan almost inaudibly and his mouth is on mine. i can feel something rubbing against me and i know exactly what it is.
i was scared shitless. but i didn't want to complain. i didn't want to make him mad. i didn't want to disobey.
"i have waited so long to do this.", he groans and moves his mouth to my neck, kissing and sucking my skin harshly. i can feel him trying to position himself to push into me.
i don't think. i cant think. he was sending me off, that stupid boy!
he hits into me and i scream. i scream in pain, pleasure? i couldn't tell you, but his hand clamped right over my mouth. i kept whimpering into the palm of his hand and he frowns at me.
"too big for you, huh?", he tries to joke but my hole is throbbing and aching. it was not nice at all. i screw my eyes shut and bite on my lip.
he removes his hand from my mouth and pulls out from me. i sigh in relief but the pain still is there. draco grumbles something and i look down at the water.
specks of crimson red were floating and evaporating on the surface. the bubbles had gone and i could see his length, hard and huge.
and the blood, coming right from my sore.
-
honestly, i would pay anything to have my virginity back. was never worth it.
xx,cece