Battle of the Exes
The gang was sat in the basement, nothing felt too uncomfortable so far. Eric finally got his ass out of bed and looked like he was having a good enough time. They were playing cards, when Donna walked in.
"Wow! Donna, you look great!" Jackie exclaimed, "What could it be? Oh, I know. You lost 80 pounds of ugly fat". She laughed and turned to face Eric, "Burn, Eric, burn!"
"Okay, first of all...I weigh a 130... 49... pounds." Eric kept lying about his weight
"Just let it go buddy" Lana said, it was getting a little sad
"Yeah. You look good too, Eric. You lost...your one true love, so...Looking good." Fez tired but failed at complimenting Eric
Donna finally spoke up, "Eric, I found these records of yours, and I thought you might want them back."
"Ah, the unpleasant exchange of possessions
after the horrific breakup," Hyde nodded while Eric got up to get his stuff, "Awkward for them, entertaining for us."
"You know you're not as funny as you think you are right?" Lana questioned him with a small smirk
"Whoa, whoa. Shut up. Don Kirshner's starting!" Kelso exclaimed, walking over to the TV.
Oh, right. Paul McCartney and Wings
are on tonight." Donna said sitting down on the couch.
"Ahhh, my one true love Paul" Lana sighed.
"Hey," Hyde tickled her sides slightly, before wrapping her in his arms tightly
Eris stood behind them on the couch, staring awkwardly at Donna since she stole his spot. "Okay, so... Okay, we're all here now. So... So, Donna, you're staying?"
"Okay." Donna nodded not really paying attention to him
"What I meant to say was...," Eric cleared his throat," Look, Donna, I don't think it's cool if you hang out here."
Lana tensed up in Hyde's arms, she hated how awkward everything was in the group now. She started to think about her and Hyde. Were they going to end up like Donna and Eric, hating each other?
All the girls turned to face Eric in shock, "So, what, you're,
like, kicking me out?" Donna asked.
Eric just looked down at his feet and Donna huffed, "Wow. Okay then. Bye."
"Donna wait" Lana called out trying to stop her but Donna marched straight out the door.
Jackie huffed as she stood up," Well, if you're kicking her out, then you're kicking me out."
"No, Jackie, no." Eric said with fake concern, "Oh, wait. I mean, bye!"
Jackie stormed out and Lana got up from Hyde's, "You know Eric you've done some shitty things before, but kicking Donna out... I just thought you were a better guy than that". She quickly stormed out to catch up with the girls.
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Girl were in Donna's living room watching Donna pace back and forth, "So, it's just not fair. He doesn't, like, get my friends... 'cause he has some stupid, crappy basement."
"Right! You helped make that basement what it is today." Jackie agreed
Lana nodded her head, "We are the glue of the group"
"Right. No one would even go over there before me and Lana!" Donna shouted
"Yeah, It smelled like feet." Lana cringed thinking about the smell
"Donna, you have to fight back!" Jackie insisted, "Okay, when a couple splits up...the woman deserves her fair share of the life she helped build."
"How much is that?" Donna asked
Jackie scoffed, "All of it! Donna, it's the law."
"Your future husband isn't going to know what hit him" Lana nodded sort of impressed by Jackie.
"You know, normally, this stuff would really offend me. But now that I'm single and pissed, you're making a lot of sense!" Donna nodded
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Later that night, Lana got back from Donna's. She had dinner with Donna but Kitty won't let her spend the night. Lana made her way to her room trying to avoid Eric so she didn't get the guilt trip.
She opened the door to see Hyde laying on her bed. Lana quickly shut her door, so her dad didn't see Hyde in her bed past curfew. "What are you doing up here?" Lana questioned, "you were supposed to be home hours ago"
"I saw how you upset you were about Donna and Eric" Hyde said sitting up, resting his back on the headboard and motioning for her to come to the bed. Lana walked over to him and straddled his lap, "so I figured you'd want to talk about it"
"I wasn't upset about Eric and Donna" Lana laughed quietly, obvious lying.
"Whenever you're upset or stressed about something, you get these little lines in between your eyebrows," He said pointing to the space between her eyebrows
Lana blushed, "you noticed that?". Hyde nodded and ran one of his hands through her hair waiting for her to explain, "It's just that... what if we break up and we end up hating each other like Donna and Eric?"
Lana looked down in embarrassment, She felt stupid for being insurece about their relationship cause her friends ended. But she thought Eric and Donna would at least last throughout High school.
And she had no real relationship experience. And Hyde had no real experience in a committed relationship. She knew they probably weren't going to be together forever, most high school relationships don't last, but she couldn't stand the idea of him hating her.
"Lana," Hyde said grabbing her face gently, "We're not Donna and Eric. We're us. I would never hate you"
Lana sighed, "You don't know-"
"I do know that. There's nothing you could do to make me hate you." He said before pulling her into a kiss. His hands moved from her face to her butt and put his hands in her pockets. Lana slowly rolled her hips against him and Hyde let out a low moan.
"You know you can spend the night...if you want to" Lana smiled slightly out of breath. into the kiss and Hyde flipped them over so he was on top.
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The group had been forrced to pick sides since Donna and Eric couldn't get along. They were both trying to bribe heir friends with trips, food and anything else that would excite them.
Lana hated it. On one hand Donna was her best friend and they basically do everything together. But Eric was her flesh and blood and her twin. Both Eric and Donna wanted to confined in Lana, she was one of the more understanding ones of all their friends, but Lana couldn't be there for both of them at the same time.
So to help her deal with it all Hyde had been talking with Eric and had to hear all of Eric's whining about Donna. He hated it but it took a lot of stress off of Lana so he sucked it up.
Everyone piled out of the El Camino at the Forman's house, about to go into the basement when donna ran over.
"Psst! What are you guys doing today?" Donna whispered
"We're going to the basement." Fez whispered back
"Hmm. Sounds fun. But you know what sounds like even more fun? " Donna pauses to smile,
"Oh! Playing with a bunch of monkeys?" Kelso answered with joy
"Well, yeah. But we got cable TV at my house...which we all know has the potential for flashes of brief nudity," Donna said clearly trying to bribe her friends, "Nudity!"
"Cable? Oh, you are so gonna win this breakup!" Jackie clapped
Now, wait just a minute.
"Eric is our friend, our brother." Fez said looking at the group, "We cannot just abandon him for nude boobs."
"Good point, Fez," Hyde nodded and turned to Donna, "This nudity you speak of, are we talking full frontal?"
Lana nudge him and looked at him in annoyance, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his side
"Does it matter?" Donna smirked already knowing the answer
"No. Let's go." Hyde said walking with Lana who hesitant cause of Eric and the rest of the group followed. All except Fez who stayed and went to the basement.
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at the pincotti's everyone was sat on the small couch while Donna was getting more snacks. Fez even left Eric just for a chance to look at boobs on tv
"Oh, look, there's a boob!" Kelso pointed excitedly
"There's two," Fez gawked, while eating his corndog, "Oh, wait. Four. It's the mother lode."
Oh, man. Guy butt. Look away." Hyde cringed covering Lana's eyes.
"I wanna see!" Lana giggled
"You like looking at guy butt?" Hyde questioned confused
"Yeah," Lana shrugged looking at the tv screen which now was showing a guys abs, "if the guy has a nice ass or abs i like to look. Just like you like looking at boobs"
Hyde was quiet for a second, "Do i-"
"yes you have a nice ass" Lana said already knowing his question. Hyde smiled proudly and wrapped his arms tighter around Lana.
Just then Eric came into the living room, "Oh, there are all my friends. Hey, Donna, found these socks of yours...so I thought I'd just, you know, run 'em right over." he said climbing onto the couch, make everyone visibly uncomfortable and squished together
"Eric, you can't hang out here." Donna said, "It's really uncomfortable, so..."
"Uncomfortable?" Eric asked with a fake smile, "Who's uncomfortable?" everyone slowly raised their hands."Oh, fine." Eric sighed leaving
Hyde got up and lana sat on the armrest of the couch, "Look, man, I'd go with you, but, you know, it's cable."
"Whatever." Eric rolled his eyes and opening the door
"Hey, want me to come by later and tell you about the boobs?" Hyde asked sincerely
"No!" Eric scoffed "Yeah." he mumbles quickly before leaving
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everyone sat back in the basement after bob had annoyed them enough.
"Welcome home, friends. Who wants Popsicles?" Eric smiled
The boys raised their hands and jackie turned to kelso, "Hey, I don't feel good about this."
"Well, would you rather be at Donna's singing backup to "Cha Cha Di Amore"?" Kelso asked
Lana sulked in her seat and snuggled her head on hydes shoulder, she was so over the fighting and the picking sides. she just wished things could go back to how they used to be. she had to hear but donna and eric bitch about each other and she couldn't take it any more
"Oh. Well, will you look who's here." Eric smirked as Donna stormed in
"That was a dirty trick, Forman." Donna accused
Eric shrugged, "Well, I'd love to stay and talk about it, but we're on our way to the movies."
"Yeah," everyone cheered
Donna said putting her hands on her hips, " Fine. Then I'm taking them bowling Saturday."
"Yeah!" everyone cheered again
"Fine." Eric gave in
"Ooh, what a fun weekend." Fez clapped
"Hey, look, you guys can't buy our loyalty with these little field trips," Hyde nodded, "You're gonna have to start buying us some stuff we can take home."
Lana was so over this and just stayed quiet as everyone had a schedule to spilt up the time between Donna and Eric
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the gang just got back from hanging out with eric. They had to make a stop for Fez to pee and now they were late to hangout with Donna.
They all piled out of the car and Hyde continued to complain about Eric ,"I'm just saying, Forman...you really didn't deliver on the afternoon like I was hoping."
"Dude, I took you everywhere. I bought everything." Eric scofffed
"It was a great day." Lana tried to convince Hyde but he ignored her comment
"I don't know, man. I mean, I asked you fora six-pack. You brought me out a tall boy." Hyde shook his head in disappointment, " I'm just saying."
"Fine. Whatever. They're all yours." Eric said to Donna
"Twenty minutes late." Donna complained
"Sorry. We had to stop so Fez could pee." Eric sighed
"Yes, it was my fault. Please do not fight." Fez begged like a little kid
"Eric, listen, travel time should come out of your time, not mine. What's on Fez's face?" Donna asked
"Nothing. Nothing." Lana lied so they wouldn't fight
"Is that ice cream? Now he won't want dinner!" Donna yelled
"I am sorry I ate ice cream, Donna." Fez apologized, "Do not be mad."
"Oh." Donna said in a sweet tone, "Fez, I'm mad at Eric, not at you." she took out a napkin and dabbed away the ice cream on his face, "This is not about you."
"Listen, I'm not about to limit our good time to help with yours." Eric said in a condescending tone. Eric and Donna started yelling at each other again and Lana had enough.
"Stop it! Stop it!" Lana yelled going in between them, "You are tearing us apart!". Fez started to cry on Lana's shoulder and Lana glared at Donna and Eric.
"I hope you're happy. Now you've upset Fez." Hyde said in a disappointed tone
"Yeah, and your fighting is making me and Jackie fight..." Kelso complains, "and that interferes with us doing it. And that ain't good."
"So, until you guys fix this, we're not hanging out with either one of you. Let's go." Jackie said walking towards her house with kelso. Lana and Hyde were walking with Fez
"Lana, Hyde, I'm sticky." Fez said
"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up." Hyde sighed messing with Fez's hair
"And I'm sleepy." Fez complained
"I know." Lana nodded, "You had a big day!"
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After a stressful weekend going back and forth between donna and eric, they finally could manage being in the same room together. but there some major seating arrangements made. to keep them as far as possible from each other.
"Okay. This new seating arrangement should really work." Eric nodded
They had a moment of peace when Bob brust in, "There you kids are. I think I finally remembered the punch line to the Italian midget joke."
"My mom made fish." kelso jumped up off the couch and ran for the door
"I gotta register for the draft." Hyde said going for the door when Lana grabbed him
"the forms are in my room" Lana lied to get away from bob, Hyde smirked and followed her upstairs. everyone made a lie to get away from bob.