Have never had the privilege
To know just what I want
So even though I try to
I always have to stop
Run into a thing
A thing-- it's never fixed
Unless I choose to make a move
I always seem to miss
I don't want them to pay
For something I don't know
Don't want them wasting time
So I try my best to go
Not always my choice
It doesn't have to be
But people like to wait and sit
Watch me make our choice, a scene
I think the world is use to
Me making all tough calls
Cause everyone I'm close to:
Like talking to a wall
I'm always the bad guy
Cause normal people hide
They'd rather feel comfortable
Than know just what's inside
I'm bad for thinking they are
I'm self-righteous for saying it
They blame me for the ugly
That pours out them with my hits
But shifting eyes and stifled grunts
Can mean it just the same
The things I say out loud
Are just the things you hide in brain
The words "You're the worst child"
Have been said, absorbed
After being honest
My soul already poured
They think they got through something tough
After I'd been there
But really all it was
That my siblings don't tell their share
I let them think I'm bad still
Cause they don't know what is
They are blind to ugliness
That ferments hearts dishonest
If the way I speak is bad
Then bad I'll always be
Cause I just think it weighs too much
To let hurt build and feed
And also I am cruel
I'm cruel to that sweet boy
They say it in their heads
Like I can't see it in their eyes
I guess that since I make the calls
After begging for his help
It makes me bad to be the one
Who gets tired of these spells
I'm like a toy, but not so fun
When it happens time again
He winds me up until I'm tight
And I blow up in front of friends
He sits so quietly and sad
Wonders why I stress
People think I'm crazy, dear,
They think that I'm the mess
I use to blame myself, like you
But tired of hating myself
I do it more than they do
Can't they see that, can't they tell?
I decided that I'm sick of it
You're adults the same
So why am I the one to fall?
Always me to blame?
Let me guess here, just real quick
You never examined my heart
Cause if you did I think you'd find
It takes two to make it dark