back stabbin' betty by cage the elephant
Flashback 8
CW: mentions of alcohol abuse, hints at child abuse
Draco:
The red hair suits her. It matches the fire in her eyes. But right now all I want is firewhiskey. Her words hurt but I know I hurt her more, and for the first time in what seems like forever, I feel bad about it. What the hell has gotten into me?
Since there isn't any substance I can abuse at the moment I decide a walk will suffice.
A cool gust of wind whips around me, contrasting with the warm summer air as I walk under the moon. It's a beautiful night. A night similar to the ones of my childhood. Walking along with the Manor, picking flowers to keep in my room and give to Charlotte and Mum. Running as quickly as I could back inside the house before I was caught by my father.
"We do not go outside during the night, not unless it is official business. You must maintain your status and do that there are certain unspoken rules we must follow. Now get inside, boy." This was when he started drinking again. Cared less about family more about his other priorities. "You are just like me when I was young, curious, ambitious, well-intended but never fully executing anything correctly, but above all kind. You are very kind, Draco. I'm afraid that's an issue, you have to be stronger, tougher. You have to learn to forget about your interests and curiosities and do what is best for yourself, to hell with everyone else." This speech was the summer before I left for Hogwarts, I was so excited, seeing my friends every day and not just at the balls I dreaded. Furthering my knowledge of the subjects I already knew and loved, being away from him. At least he was honest, he got rid of my kindness, my curiosity, my willingness to do anything for anyone else, and miraculously all in one summer. With the help of Bellatrix of course.
Mum begged not to call her older sister. Told dad that there had to be another way, told him that I didn't have to be like them. Even went as far as to say that Charlotte and I could be better than them. But he didn't like this, not one bit.
So he called my aunt, told her what needed to be done, and she was happily over within the hour.
I'd like to believe that's where my cruelness came from.
I stumble tripping over a rock, I don't have time to catch myself and fall onto my face plummeting back into the present.
My body and face hit the ground, luckily only dirt and leaves, but then I hear something other than the wind. Splashes and then
"Fuck you, Sage!" There's a laugh in the voice I don't recognize,
"What it was your idea!" Her voice cuts into me like the gravel in between my hands.
I stand up as quickly as I can. I start running away from her voice, from the sound of the water. Like a small boy running away from some unknown creature, scared it's going to eat me alive. Pathetic. I start walking, I know better than to run from someone like that. Know better than to be afraid of her.
But I'm not afraid, I know I'm not. I simply don't want to face her another time today. I don't want to pretend again, but most of all I don't want to hurt her again.
I know she isn't weak, isn't pathetic like me, but something in me knows that if I try to hit a nerve of hers I will. If I want to jab my knife deeper into her I can. Maybe I should, maybe I should stick to my old ways, but I can't bring myself to cause her pain again.
Not this time at least.
Sage:
The breaking of sticks is ringing in my ears. Something, perhaps someone is out there.
"I'll be right back," I say softly, getting out of the water and slipping my clothes back on. I'm practically dry by the time the clothes are on. The summer heat lets the clothes fall around me without sticking to my skin. I think I hear a protest from the water but I ignore it. I need to find out what is out in the woods.
I can't explain it but it's like I'm being magnetized to follow it. The positive being attracted to the negative. It does sound like something that would happen to me. Always attracted to the fire until I get burned.
I hear another snap of a stick and start running toward the sound. I just need to know, whatever it is. I continue sprinting toward the sound running and running until I can't see straight and my head hurts. I don't run enough, but what a good time to practice now rather than later.
Something is in my way, blocking me from continuing. I fall into it, letting myself go completely. Sweating from running, sweating from the heat. Breathing heavily and panting as I grasp whatever is in front of me. But I realize this isn't something. This is what was making the noise. This is someone. They hold me upright clutching onto my arms as if they can't touch my body, or rather won't.
And I know who it is.
I stumble back, fall into the dirt and lookup. I feel as though I'm melting.
He stares at me utterly and completely bewildered. But what comes out of his mouth confuses me even more.
"Are you okay?" He's by my side now, looking as though he wants to help in some way but doesn't know how to. My arms instinctively crawl back away from him. "I'm not going to bite," he almost laughs as he comes closer to me, "that is unless you-" he shakes himself out of that thought but I know what he was going to say, it only confuses me more. "Seriously, Sage are you okay?" and god I'm melting again.
It's a cruel joke the world is playing on me, making me so attracted to him, and intrigued by him, when he is so so... Shaking myself out of my hideous thoughts I nod, my head bobs up and down as fast as ever, almost as fast as my heart.
"I'm going to help you up, okay" without noticing my head starts shaking left and right. He can't touch me, he won't touch me, it's too much, every time it's all too much. "Sage just let me help." he sounds irritated now, almost itching to lift me off the ground, too disgusted that I'm touching the dirty ground. My head shakes again and I try to stand up but it's impossible. My limbs are limp and they aren't moving like I thought they were.
I feel so off, so out of my mind. I've never been this gone, never so completely and utterly lost. As much as I've drunk or smoked in the past I've never been this confused and out of it.
I thought it was the running, the heat, something. It isn't, it's something so much more. I can barely breathe, and my vision starts to blur. His hair is striking blonde against the dark forest and it's practically blinding. I can't make out the expression on his face but suddenly he's gone away from me and all of a sudden dirt isn't beneath my fingers but something warm and soft is.