Note: I bawled my way through writing this chapter so I'm just forewarning y'all :"( Also, I added the song above to be played along with the chapter!
Episode: Season 15 - Carry On Pt. 6
"Do you remember...remember the night we danced under the stars? It was-was that party we went to. You remember? Bela's party. I was at the bar with Sam and you just disappeared. I stumbled outside and found you waiting there by Baby."
"Dean, what are you doing out here? You're supposed to be back there. With Bela," I said, pulling a sour face when I uttered her name.
He bit his lip and I ignored the somersault it made my heart do, strands of dark hair falling in my face.
Dean tried to laugh then but it turned into a wracking cough and a groan which I soothed as best I could between the tears still flowing.
"I asked you to dance and you did...then I kissed you. It was the first time I ever kissed you...that was the best moment of my life. Felt like I was in a movie or something."
He spun me out just then and my hair caught the light breeze, strands of it airborne before he spun me back to him. Almost nose to nose, his candy-apple green eyes connected to mine and just as quick as it had happened, his lips crashed into mine.
"And I ran away..." I spoke through my tears, my voice cracking in remembrance.
Dean groaned again and I knew he was fading fast, feeling that pit of despair inside of me opening up into a deep chasm.
"I didn't tell you I loved you until after Cas brought me back."
"I love you, Parker... I think I always have..." he breathed out but before I had the chance to react or to even say it back, Dean's lips were on mine.
I smiled at the memory, still fresh in my mind - even after all these years had passed.
I was silent a moment and Dean frowned before I spoke up.
"Dean?"
"Hm?"
"I love you, too."
"I don't know what I would've done...if I didn't have you. 'Cause I was so scared. I was scared, 'cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me.... It's always been you...and me." Dean told me softly, green eyes full of love and light.
A heaving sob escaped my mouth and I couldn't help but lean my head onto his shoulder, leaning into him for support, for comfort - as I'd done for all these years, "Then don't leave me! Don't leave me! I can't do this alone,"
"Yes, you can," he whispered softly, pressing a kiss to my hair gently.
"Well, I don't want to!" I told him defiantly, eyes wet with tears as I gazed up at him.
"Hey. I'm not leaving you, Parksy. I'm not leaving either of you," he assured the both of us, hand gripping firmly onto Sam's shoulder before placing it over his heart, "I'm gonna be with you... Right here...every day. Every day you're out there and you're li...and you're living and you're fighting, 'cause you...you always keep fighting. And be happy, both of you. You hear me? I'll be there every step."
His sparkling green eyes which were slowly dimming flitted between the two of us standing before him, "I love you two so much. My baby brother...and my beautiful wife... Well, I did not think this would be the day... But it is. It is, and that's...that's okay. I need you to... I need you to promise me. I need you to...to... to tell me...that it's okay."
A broken sob bubbled up from Sam's lips as he shook his head, briefly glancing down as Dean repeated his words to us, "I need you to tell me that it's okay. No. Look at me. Look at me! I need... I need...I need you to tell me that it's okay."
His words were coming shorter, little gasps for air between each one and I couldn't help but squeeze his other hand, holding onto him as if he was a lifesaver. And I was drowning, I was drowning so deep and so fast...I don't think anyone could save me.
"I need you to tell me...tell me it's okay..."
Sam's hand was shaking as he ever so slowly lifted it and placed it gently over his older brother's. Dean's skin was like ice underneath my fingertips and I felt my chest begin to heave with sobs. NO! NO! No, please...not my Dean...
"Dean...it's okay... You can go now." Sam whispered softly through the onslaught of tears and pain, his voice breaking on each word.
With much effort, Dean lied his hand over ours before glancing back up at us with a bittersweet smile that tore my heart in two, "Goodbye, Sam..."
Resting my forehead against Dean's, I felt his warm, sweet breath fan my lips for the last time, whispering one sweet "Goodbye, Parker..." before his lips pressed to mine gently.
And as the last words left my true love's lips, of that one final goodbye, I knew my entire world was collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
His candy-apple green eyes closed then for the last time...the very last time...
Heaving sobs wracked my chest then as I wailed brokenly, the sound loud, reverberating off the walls. I pulled Dean's limp body closer to me, tightening my hold on him as if he would come back to me - just like before.
But there was no coming back this time... It felt like a nightmare that I had lived and re-lived in the darkness of the night between sheets. But those nightmares...I would wake up to Dean soothing me, reassuring me it wasn't real.
There was no Dean to reassure me now, only the warmth of my best friend's arms as he wrapped them around me and held me as my world, my existence tore apart into absolute nothingness. I beat my fists against Sam's chest, screaming over and over again, "NO! NO! He can't be gone! HE'S NOT GONE! HE'S NOT GONE!!!! He can't-Dean, can't...please, NO! NO!"
Because this time?
He was gone.
And Dean Winchester was never coming back to me.