earth on fire

1

Music blareing through the speakers

Crashing, falling, screaming

Ringing.

Silence

It's the same every night

As drops of rain splash on my slightly opened window, and my laboured breathing growing heavier, muttering and tossing as I sleep, the sweat beading down my face.

Gasping and struggling to breathe,I bolt upright in my bed as terror washes over me startling me awake throwing me back into the dark realty. Trying to steady my breathing.

The weight of the frosted air pressing down on me crushing me under its weight.

Deafening silence from the night's cold air seeps in through the window. Carrying silence throughout the seemingly empty house.
As my panic and fear slowly start to fade the gut- wrenching memories of the accident, rush through my scarred mind.

Tightly squeezing my eyes shut as I will the pain and the tears to subside allowing my heavy, staggered breathing to finally return to a normal rate.
these terrifying memories of my past that plague my dreams constantly, to the point I feel almost afraid to sleep, almost paralyzed. Tearing me between exhaustion and totally; un- avoidable; all consuming; somatising fear of falling back into these memories. once again sending me back to the scene of all my pain; trauma and torture, that have taken over my subconscious.

A few days after the accident I realised that there is no point in trying to sleep again after the memories of these horrors that disease my sleep, no matter the concoction of drugs given to me, and soon found my-self going to a diner on the edge of town every time I wake up in a cold sweat so petrified with fear that it makes me want to scream so bad that I'm sure that any sound that escapes me will begin to reach to that of a pitch only animals can hear

Pulling on an old baggy jumper and a pair of ripped jeans, I walk to the front door of the house grabbing my bag and my mum's old wool knitted hat leaving a note for my uncle to see when he gets home from whatever he's doing, I haven't asked what he does when he's out till 6 in the morning because knowing my uncle he'll give me all the details I don't want to know. I mean I'm no innocent little kid I've had a few boyfriends (yes boyfriends, I'm gay, DEAL WITH IT.)and hook-ups but, I still don't want to hear about my uncles outings and conquests, which no doubt he will try and go into excruciating detail with trying to act like my best friend but it just makes me want to throw up when he tries to act cool and friendly like that because I just don't want to know.

I wander out into the crisp midnight air, wrapping my arms close to my body trying to keep the heat from escaping my body. As I begin to wander down the path, I realise that the sun hasn't even risen yet and the moon is still hung in the sky. I head towards the all-night cafe at the edge of town. It had started to become a sort of my routine to go to the café when I can't sleep. I had been there enough times to know that it would be empty at this time apart from a few people who were just passing through needing some caffeine to carry on driving through the night.

When I arrive I order myself a double caramel latte and slunk back into the booth in the corner where I had spent every sleepless night since the crash that killed my parents and my twin sister abandoning me all alone in my family's apartment, my uncle too busy with work and so is sending me to live with my godfather. (my dad's best friend) who I've never met and owns a record label meaning that he also has no time for me and so is sending me on tour with one of his bands. Telling me that' it's a great cultural experience' and 'i'll have lots of people around to look after me as well as people my age to hang out with.' When the waitress brings my drink im snapped away from my thoughts as I look up and give a polite smile to her as she sets my drink down in front of me returning with a kind smile smile of her own and turning on her heel to retreat back behind the counter to carry on doing something with her phone. The cafe is completely empty apart from me and the waitress that sat behind the counter, now cleaning and setting up for the morning crowd to come in for breakfast.

I pull my phone and my book out of my bag taking a glance at the time on my phone and realizing that it's 5 o'clock in the morning and the first hues of blue and purple light start to show on the horizon, Knowing that I won't be able to get back to sleep any time soon, I take a sip of my latte, enjoying how it warms my throat as it travels down.

I begin to open my book and read when my attention is drawn away from it and up towards a handsome teenage boy, around my age maybe a little older around 17/18, that was stood at the end of my booth waiting for me to meet his gaze. He was wearing a pair of ripped up black skinny jeans and a pair of old black doc martins he had a black and white shirt that clung tightly to his chest and a blue denim jacket that clung tightly around his biceps as he gazed down at me his brightt blue eyes sparkled as the flash of cars race by.

Turning my head up towards him I stare up expecting an answer and he just stares back at me with a faintest tug of a smile playing on his lips. After a few moments of silence hangs in the air around us. "um... hi...?" I said awkwardly staring at him waiting for a reply. He gives a little chuckle noticing how I had tensed up when I spoke to him " hi ... is this seat taken?" he asked, in a slight American accent, gesturing to the other side of the booth "no...?" my voice coming out more of a question.
"can I sit there" he said with a crooked smile as a small dimple appeared on his face
"sure..." I said as the corners of my mouth tugged into a weary smile, he slid into the seat opposite me a big grin slipping onto his face
"so..." he said staring right at me while I tried to go back to my book wondering why, when the whole café is empty, did he want to sit opposite me
"what ya dooin..." he began to talk almost acting like a bored five year old still staring right at me, I lifted my hand with the book in it I said shyly "reading..."
"well yeah I knew that, I meant here what are you doing here" he said gesturing to the café and looking back at me then taking a glance at his watch
" At 5:30 in the morning... in an empty diner...... alone." He asked curiosly , I gave him a sceptical glance wondering why he was so bothered
" .. what .." he said with a chuckle as i raised eyebrow with caution
" well ...who wants to know" I replied with a grin
"oh...no no no... I asked you a question first, what is someone as intriguing as you doing sat alone in an empty diner at 5:30 in the morning" he said in his deep calming voice, dragging his hand through his slightly blond perfectly styled hair. A flush of heat flew up to my cheeks, blushing at the complement "I... um .." his smile grew even more now he was grinning from ear to ear at my flushed cheeks " I couldn't sleep" I said looking back down to the table curling my hands around my mug taking another sip of my latte. "and here in England we call it a café"
He chuckled again raising his hands in mock surrender "I apologise for my mistake" he chuckled in his American accent then pointing at the late I had in my hand "that cup of caffeine might have something to do with it" I looked down at my drink "oh... no I was up long before this anyway like I said I couldn't sleep"... "anyway" I chuckled and shook of my head at what was about to come out of my mouth next but before I made a fool of myself he spoke again " anyway... what" he asked ducking his head to meet my gaze.

I looked back at him placing my book down on the table resting my arms on it and meeting his intoxicating gaze and began talking again " anyway..." I said with a teasing grin " I answered your question, now you answer mine..." I said playfully. He stared straight at me putting on a serious face but he had a playfull glint his eyes making it hard to stifull a laugh "okay... how bout this" he proposed "ive asked you a question and your about to ask me a question how about we carry on like this until one of us has to go, but first... my name is ashton but everyone calls me ash and your name is-" he says with a mischievous grin plastered across his face, as I eye up his face trying to determine what his motives are, but then I decide to just go along with it and i offer my hand for a hand shake "ok then... my name is adrian" he reaches for my hand letting it linger for a little longer than needed sending shivers down my spine
"okay so now we've got that put of the way" I joked " so my question then...hmmm... let me think."