how it ends

~~~

     This is the end; I saw it coming. It was expected, so it shouldn't hurt as much as it does. It isn't fair. But of course, life isn't fair, it never has been, and it never will be. Maybe if they were there, I would have had the power to work harder and prevent this, but who will ever know. Maybe, I will find them once again; maybe, once I reach where ever I'm going. They left me, but it wasn't their fault. They had no power over it. But I could have stopped it, I could have done more or worked harder. I really am weak, aren't I? I am leaving the world because I couldn't save myself or the others. I am a horrible soldier, I couldn't save the kingdom, my home, my friends, not even my lover. I'm now going to be sent to the gates of Hell, or the fields of punishment; whatever it is, I deserve to rot and burn. Maybe worse. I should have done more to protect them. I should have been more!

     I can see the glow starting to fade, and I feel myself descending. I am to meet my forever punishment, never to see my beloved again. I hope that they are happy wherever they are. I can feel my body, but cannot move. There is a man who is shrouded in shadows. Who is he? He grabs my arm, and I come to a stop in front of him. I can feel my body again. I see the souls of others around me, aimlessly wandering for eternity. I could only hope of such things. The man lifts up my chin and stares into my eyes, or more like staring into my soul, seeing my greatest desires and deepest thoughts. He smirks a little and grabs my hand drags me behind him. We walk down a hallway, on each side there are mountains of treasure and gold, there are beautiful people draped in gowns of silk and golden jewelry. I see all of it but none of it at the same time, their glamour dimmed by my gloom. The man turns down a corner. We arrive in a big room with white walls and a roof opening up to a bright light. I squint trying to see what's up there, I can't tell. The man stops in the middle of the room, letting go of my hand. I realize how hard I must have been holding on when the blood rushes back into it. I look around the room and don't see anything; there are no plants, furniture, or wall hangings. My head turns back to the man; he is looking at me. A light flicks on over a door on the opposite side of the room. The man heads toward it and I follow. the door opens into a courtroom like scene. I laugh inside my head, this is familiar, just like the last one I was in. There were no good memories there and I am sure no good ones will be here. At the front of the room, there is a man in the judge's chair, he is similar to the man who brought me here, in the fact that he is shrouded in shadows, but there is more of an aura of power around him. There was a heavy thud as the door behind me closed, I walked forward once again following the man who led me here. The man in front held up his hand halting our movement.

     "Sit," he told us, his voice was loud and commanding. The man motioned to a pew in the front, and I took a seat at it. "You may leave," said the man, I assumed he was talking to the other man seeing as he promptly left.

     "You are dead, and as such you must come before the court of a god of the underworld, that is me, and your future will be determined through a look at your life. Any questions?" I shook my head, I couldn't think of any relevant at least. The man, god, nodded and took out what looked to be a glass ball with fog on the inside.

     There was a flash and suddenly I was in a field, my old I realized, I heard a cry from inside followed by harsh yelling that I guessed came from my father. I don't know much about him other than he was extremely abusive. Also, that one night when he was really drunk, he killed my mother and almost killed me. The scene switched to in front of a grey stone building. There was a slight drizzle and it was dark even though it should have been near noon. This was when I was brought to the orphanage, I would spend the next few years here and hate every second of it.

     Now we were inside, I was seventeen and my birthday was two weeks way. I remember this night very well. The head of the house, the headmistress. Came around the corner where I was sitting partially hidden, I was writing a letter. When I heard her coming, I stashed the paper and pencil behind me and stood, hoping to make it seem like I was just passing through. That was not the case, when I stood the headmistress saw what I was doing and grabbed the letter. She quickly read it and tore it into pieces, she hit me again and again. I thought that night was to be the worst of my life, and in a way it was. In the fact that I was a child and the damage scarred me for years afterward.