celestial strings | h.js

two.

The truth was that Jisung made a choice. He made a puke-inducing, heartbreaking choice. Between his bond with you and your existence, he chose you. He didn't choose himself. The soulmate bond would have meant nothing; your memories of him would have meant nothing if you died. It was a choice only he could make for you, and he made it keeping your best interest at heart. Your being alive should mean something more than what he did, even if it couldn't now.

"You can still know them," Hyunjin said. "They can still fall in love with you."

Jisung sighed. "Hyunjin, I'm really tired–"

"I'm sure you were too when you had to snap the soul string in half," he argued. "You fought for them anyway."

"I still don't understand how it happened," Seungmin chimed in at the mention of the soulmate string. "Memories don't work like that."

"Is this really the time to question how it works?" Felix asked.

"No, but think about it anyway. Take the car crash that happened, for example. Remember when we first met them, and we decided to hang out after school?" Seungmin said animatedly. He has been thinking about this for too long. He has got to let it out. "They still remember the incident that happened, but it happened in the first place because they protected Jisung from getting hit by a car. Then we found out they are a magic wielder, right? Who did they do that for if Jisung is out of the picture? How did we learn about their identity in that particular alleyway, in that specific situation? Jisung being snipped out of their memory will make their life nonsensical!"

Jisung heaved a sigh. He shrunk into his seat and rubbed his face with his hands. Unconsciously, his hands traveled to his ears, and he muffled everyone else's voices in the room. He closed his eyes, keeping a picture of your face in his head to calm himself. He didn't want to hear about his friends' theories and discrepancies regarding how the universe managed to wipe human memories with a snap of a string. Not only did he want to stop thinking too deeply about it, but he would also hate to be given false hope that you might remember him somehow.

He saw you about an hour ago. He just saw you about an hour ago. You said nothing to him, talked away from him, and indirectly addressed him through Seungmin. You forgot who he was. There was no last stand of a miracle, a shining beacon of hope, or a benefit of the doubt. There was nothing left for Jisung except the daunting truth that he was gone from your life completely. Everything he has done or said, every promise you have made to each other, every sense of touch you shared—gone, reduced to emptiness by his hands.

Jisung loved you, from the beginning until the end, and he was the only one who had to put an end to it.

The room went quiet when Jisung began to sob uncontrollably into his hands. The only time they had seen him cry like this was today, at the school's backyard, when you left him in a frenzy, and he fell face-first against the floor. But somehow, it sounded strikingly different.

The last one was apologetic, with sadness and longing haphazardly screamed into a bottle about to be lost at sea. The last time Jisung cried like this, he was dragging himself through the mud to appeal to a higher power for a chance at forgiveness. This one was different. This one was angry, madness, and screaming up at a Godless void where God exists but chooses not to listen. Jisung was giving up this time, and he was so unbelievably angry at the hand he was dealt that he slit his own throat with a hoarse voice and streamy tears.

Felix had to take a few steps away from Jisung's chair. He watched as Jisung swallowed himself whole, practically scratching his face off, and he could do nothing. This was not the time for comfort. If anything, Felix had no idea if a soft hand on the shoulder would come across as anything other than pity and a poor attempt to get Jisung to stop screaming down the hospital hall. He walked away and approached Seungmin, reaching for the boy's hand to hold and letting his tears fall silently as he stared at the floor.

Jisung was so fond of you, and Felix felt you were the same way. You two were soulmates. He still remembered the joyful laughter that reverberated in his ribs when you told him about it, not just because you proved to him that soulmates are real but because he was grateful his friend found one he would love for the rest of his life. You were both so fond of each other, and with a simple snap, everything was gone, and Felix vicariously lost his hope in romance.

Seungmin squeezed Felix's hand, causing him to look up. The grim expression on Seungmin's face made Felix realize one thing: this would take a while. The healing could take a bit, or perhaps even forever, because Jisung loved you.

Jisung loved you, from the beginning until the end, and he would continue with no exception or mistake. If there was no place for him to give you his love now, the least he could do was store them where they belong—in his chest, heart, eyes, tears, hands, touch, and always in him.

Looking away, Felix met eyes with Hyunjin from his bed. Hyunjin pursed his lips together and gently leaned into the bed for support.

This would take a while.