Beloved

two

My mother laughed at a joke Mason and Kyle made about me. Mason was playing along well. It made me forget just how awful things were between us. But this is what he did. Strictly business.

The only affection he had given me since the last day was at business dinners, birthday parties, and holidays. He rarely even attended events with our friends anymore, so those didn't count.

I remembered our first Christmas in this house a few years ago, we didn't know how to decorate such a big space, so we only decorated the living room where we were sitting now. We had a tree that was only a few feet taller than Mason, no match for our 12 foot ceilings. But it was pretty, and relaxing. We sat by the fireplace and looked at it every night of December. And on Christmas morning, Mason had woken me up early to give me the best gift, Angie.

He woke me up in bed, holding the then-tiny puppy behind his back and kissing me softly. I opened my eyes to his bright green eyes, only for him to tell me to close them again. He set the puppy on my lap and told me to open up. Then he collapsed onto the bed next to me, and we cuddled and played with her for the rest of the day.

"Jessica, you should go next." My moms voice snapped me out of the memory. I smiled and looked up at them. Mason was smiling, sitting next to my siblings on the couch across from where I was sitting on the floor. Angie squirmed next to me, resting her head on my legs.

"No, no. Mom, this one is for you. From Mason and I." I smiled at her as I handed her the box. It was just a few cookbooks she had been wanting, with new pot holders and serving bowls to match.

My mother loved to cook, unlike me, who could barely make cereal properly. I continued to pet Angie as she opened and reacted excitedly to the gift. My siblings all gave their remarks of "so cute" and "where did you find that?" But my Christmas spirit was low this year.

It was somehow passed back to my turn, and Mason stood up to give me a gift. An envelope. I had no idea what to expect from my husband this year. I plastered on a smile, carefully opening the envelope.

Plane tickets. A trip itinerary. To Bali. Our trip. The anniversary trip we had talked about for years. For us. Together. He smiled wide, more genuine looking than I had seen in awhile. I probably did too. I could hardly believe this was real, after the year we had.

"Tickets to Bali!" I exclaimed, noticing the date was for the next day, December 26th. I smiled up at him.

"For you and Cara!" He said, looking at my sister happily. My happiness came to a sudden halt, but I didn't let my smile fall. I kept it plastered, feeling my heart hurt more and more each second. This was the last straw.

"Thank you, Mason." I said, reaching up from the ground as he bent down to give me a hug around the neck. He kissed my forehead and went back to the couch smiling. It finally made sense. It finally clicked that he was never going to be the Mason I married again. We had loved to travel, Greece, Switzerland, China, everywhere we could think of. Bali was going to be our special trip. We had discussed it for years. He knew that.

I looked at Cara excitedly, knowing I had to be excited to spend time with my sister. I knew she knew about our Bali plans, she knew everything that was happening between Mason and I, she knew the suspicions I had, the heartbreak I felt. So I wondered why she agreed to this.

We all finished opening gifts, I had gotten Mason some fancy workout set he had specifically sent me the link to, and he seemed content. So content that he kissed my cheek at the dinner table. I rolled my eyes in response.

-

"I had no idea the trip was to Bali, Jess. I never would've agreed if I had known. I can't believe he did this." Cara said, coming up to me after dinner. She was my sister, she knew almost everything about me, and about me and Mason. She wrapped me in her arms, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I didn't feel numb anymore, it hurt. This was the first day I realized how much it hurt. She rubbed circles on my back soothingly.

"I have to get going, Jess. I'm the last one here and I promised Jeffrey one last night together before the trip. I'll pick you up for the airport tomorrow?" I nodded, wiping away the few tears that had fallen. "Everything's going to be okay. We're going to have so much fun, sister." She smiled and I almost believed her. I forced a smile in return and walked her to the door.

Marilyn, the maid was coming at in the morning to clean, so I didn't bother. I was already wearing Christmas pajamas, so I sat on the couch lazily and called Angie to my lap. I could pack tomorrow, or tonight, since I knew I wouldn't be sleeping.

Mason entered a few minutes later, sitting at my feet like he did whenever he couldn't find a reason to be out of the house. He gave me a head nod as he sat. I didn't react.

The words fell out of my mouth.

"Mason, are you cheating on me?" He looked at me, shocked at the question. His book stayed frozen open in his hands as if he was scared to make a move.

"Jess..." he didn't deny. He stopped himself after my name. This couldn't be real. I swallowed heavily, but locked my eyes with his.

"Yes or no?" My words dripped with anger but I wasn't sure what I felt. He barely hesitated.

"Not anymore." He said blankly. I couldn't believe he admitted it. So coolly. So... hurtfully. I didn't say anything, sitting up, picking up Angie and going towards the stairs.

"Jess, wait. Come back. Jessie, please." I heard him follow, but I didn't turn back. He didn't follow me up the stairs, naturally.

"I'm not sleeping in the guest room." I stated, letting him know he would be. I fell flat on my bed, but the tears didn't come. I was numb again.

Mason had cheated on me once in high school. In 10th grade. He went to a party without me, made out with another girl, Annabelle Johnson. My best friend, Lara, sent me the video the next morning.

I didn't know if I could still count that. It was almost 10 years ago now, and it was just a kiss. I wanted to count it, I was so angry at him. I was so in love with him, and he had faded, pushed me away.

It was so obvious. He had done such a bad job of hiding it. Working late, smelling like perfume that wasn't mine when he rolled into bed at 2am, bailing last minute on events with our friends, barely even kissing me.

I had stayed because I loved him, I wanted to believe it really was just a stressful time at work. But it wasn't. And deep down, I knew that the whole time. Today cracked my shield. Today was the day I had finally had enough.

I fell asleep dreaming of Bali, where I prayed that life would escape me very soon.