Beloved

twelve

I met him at the office building, what with trying to be serious and all. The receptionist was 'honored' to meet me, and let me into the conference room I had decorated so many years ago.

The walls were pale beige with dark wood frames and trim. It was just as pretty as I had wanted It to be. It still felt pretty.

"Jessie." His voice was breathy and happy. I wished that I felt the same. I had talked with Ashley and Cara after the party. Cara was still spreading her gospel of bullshit that I didn't need Mason and look how great I am doing without him, but it didn't matter now. She said I should see what he has to offer, and maybe I would love Seattle. A fresh start. 

Ashley had similar advice, but better relayed. More along the lines of a great career opportunity, and a fresh start in a new place just what you need blah blah blah. So here I was. 

"Mason." I spoke less positive and he motioned me to the red leather office chair. 

"Thank you for coming, for not thinking i'm entirely crazy." He sat down and I did too.

"Oh, I think you're crazy alright." There was nobody else in the room, which surprised me a little until I remembered the true logistics of the situation. 

"I know. But, just think about how great this could be for you." I stayed blank, leading him nowhere with my expressionless face. "I understand what I did wrong at John's. That was bad. You know I'm not the best at planning." I nodded.

"True." He shook his head with a laugh.

"But seriously. You're right. I don't want you to be an employee. You've always been an equal in this. On the other hand, things are different now, bigger, more.... corporate. I can't just appoint you somewhere, you know?" I nodded.

"That wasn't why I was upset." He didn't let me continue.

"I know. I just- I want to make it clear to you that I'm doing this because I have the utmost trust in your ability. Honestly. Someone has to be out there full time and Ashley said you were going through a tough time and I just thought... It would be perfect." I didn't want to be angry and hurt but I was. He was getting rid of me, at least thats what it seemed like. I still didn't speak. 

"I'm fully willing to pay you just as much as you deserve, I was thinking maybe you could just start cashing the checks when I send them." This was much more than fair. Mason was making more money than he knew what to do with clearly. 

"I won't be cashing a check unless it has the company heading on it." He laughed.

"Thats all I had to do to get you to cash them?" I stayed strong.

"But what do you think? Honestly, is this something you-you would want to do? What are you thinking?" I was thinking that he was right, I should want a fresh start. A new place and an amazing job... But I still didn't want that. The fatal flaw in all of this was that I would be integrating my life with Mason's and I wasn't exactly sure I could handle it. I was taking too long to answer and he shifted in his seat.

"I don't know. In theory it sounds great... But in reality it seems like you're just trying to ship your ex wife across the country." He bit his lip nervously.

"I didn't want you to feel like that. Its the opposite of that. We would be communicating directly almost constantly, at least at first. Once everything is running smoothly you would be more on your own I guess." The logistics didn't matter. This was weird, right? 

"I can't do that. I can't move across the country, and talk to you every day. Its weird, and I don't know. Its just bad. As good as it sounds, Mason, really it does, it would hurt too much. Its too much for me. I can barely even see you at parties once a month. Talking to you more than that? It's too much." I realized I was rambling, realized the words I had said out loud. Hurt too much. Fuck. He just stared at me for a long time. It was dead quiet. He broke the silence.