HOTSPOT

13

I lean forward and stare at her. "Ama, you can't be serious."

"Try, Teddy." Her deep black gaze bores into me. "For me."

I lean in toward her, lashes fluttering half-closed. "If you insist."

She puts her fingertips to my chest, gently holding me back. I stop, feeling the familiar weight settle in my chest again. She swallows.

"I'm sorry."

I lean back. "Don't be."

"I'm trying, too."

"I know you are."

"Maybe one day."

I smile. "Maybe one day," I repeat.

I look up at the sound of feet dragging against pavement. Noah approaches, one hand tucked in his pocket, the other hanging and bandaged by his side. I offer him a smile as he nears, but he doesn't return it, expression stony.

"Hey, Noah. How are you feeling."

He's quiet, head ducked, mouth tilted into a frown. My smile falls.

"Noah?" I get to my feet under Ama's watchful hand as she scrambles up with me. "Everything okay?"

"I'm leaving."

It's like he's poured ice water over me. "I—what? Noah, what are you talking about?"

"I can't help you. I won't do it." His lip quivers, but the rest of his face is cold and unmoving. "You want to help the people who killed my brother. Maybe you can forgive them, but I can't."

"No one's forgiving anyone, Noah. This is about what's best for all of us. All of humanity. Haven't we lost enough people to the mutated already? A war is... is futile. We can't have that."

"Yeah, keep fucking preaching what Ama's taught you," he spits. I blink.

I've never heard him use this tone before.

"What?"

"You'll just go along with whatever she says," he seethes. "You're so desperate for her approval. You're really gonna let go of everything these assholes did just for some... some idea that you can save humanity? That's real fucking noble."

"Noah." I glance at Ama. I can tell there's a million thoughts crowding her mind, but she doesn't voice them. This is for me to deal with.

I encouraged this. I caused it.

"Noah, you're hurting. I know. But this... this is just stupid."

His expression crumbles, a choked sob escaping his chest. I step away from Ama and pull him against myself, wrapping my arms around him. He shudders, going limp against me, tears soaking into my tank top. I hold him for a good several minutes until he finally pulls away, swiping his arm across his tear-streaked face.

That's when I know it's too late. And that I can't convince him.

His eyes are rimmed with red, but there's a brick wall behind them.

"Noah, please," I beg. "You can't be serious about this. You can just... go back to the garage and wait for us. Okay? You don't need to help these people—you shouldn't, anyways, since you're hurt. But you won't be able to take care of yourself on your own—you've always had James, or me—"

"Don't say his name!" Noah trembles as the shout is torn from his lips. Fresh tears pour from his eyes. "Not when you won't even help me get back at the people who killed him."

"Noah, this is better for everyone."

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, shoulders quaking. I reach for him and he lets me, moving one of his hands to place it over mine.

"I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm so sorry. You've been a good friend—a really good friend. But I can't. I can't do this. I can't stay around you—around everyone else who's okay with this."

"Please, Noah." Tears sting my eyes. "You'll die on your own."

"I'll manage." He pulls my hand off of his shoulder and steps back.

"Don't do this, Noah." The first hot tear slides down my cheek. Ama reaches for my arm and I let her, wrapping slender fingers around me. "Please."

"I'm sorry."

He is—I can tell. But he's not changing his mind, either.

He gives me one final attempt at a smile and then turns. A shaky exclamation, a call for him to come back, dies on my lips. His step is confident, spine straight. His pistol hangs off of his belt.

He isn't going to turn around.

I crumple to the ground, tangling my hands in my hair. Ama follows me.

I can't even cry any more. I'm clouded with disbelief and the pulse of pain in my skull. Ama wraps her arms around me and I sink into her chest, finally feeling hot tears slip from my lashes.

"He can't survive on his own, Ama. He's a kid."

"We'll send people after him, okay?" Ama runs her hand over my hair, smoothing it down, pressing a kiss to it. "He's upset, he's grieving, he just... he needs time. We'll find him. I promise. And in the meantime..."

I nod shakily, trying to pull myself together. "I know. I know. We have to deal with this first."

Her hand moves through my hair; her warmth radiates against my cold body. Her arms are tight around me, unrelenting.

The two of us will be okay. Not now—not completely.

But one day.

"I'm so tired," I murmur.

She rests her cheek against the top of my head. "I know. But do you have one more fight in you?"

I can still hear the cries of the mutated beyond the failing barricade. The mutated that have overrun my home—my city.

It's not fair.

I nestle deeper into Ama's warmth, drowsiness taking over once more. And for now, I can sleep, safe with her. My reply is a weary murmur.

"Always."