HOTSPOT

2

"Teddy? Teddy!"

I jolt awake. A pair of hands find me immediately, grabbing my shoulders. I fumble against them in the dark, grasping blindly to pull them from my arms.

"Teddy! Teddy, it's just me. Calm down."

The voice finally breaks through the fog in my mind, hushed in the stillness that I've just shattered. Slowly, the hands holding my shoulders form into familiarity, strong and calloused with years of work but gentle where they meet my clammy skin. My eyes begin to adjust to the darkness. I blink, making out a soft-featured face, edges blurred by the thick blackness of the tent. I release the tension in my shoulders, relaxing.

"Hey," I whisper. "Did I wake you up?"

"You were twitching again. Hitting me, too. You move around too much."

I chuckle weakly, releasing my clammy grip on her hands to tangle my fists in our sheets.

"Sorry."

"It's fine." Ama's hands travel up from my shoulders to rest on either side of my face, cool against the hot flush of my skin. The rush of adrenaline begins to leave my system as my confusion lessens, sinking back into the familiarity of the place I call home. It leaves me trembling, ribcage quivering. Ama shifts closer, rubbing a strand of sweat-soaked hair off of my cheekbone.

"What do you fight in your dreams?"

"Huh?"

"We fought together for years, Teddy. I know you."

I can hear the soft smile in her voice better than I can see it. I smile back, wrapping my hands around hers to gently pull them off of my face.

"Mutated. The usual."

She pulls away slightly. "You can't let go of that, can you?"

"You can?" I lean in towards her, reaching for her hands, acting on instinct. I tangle our fingers together. "Ama, don't you remember fighting together? Clearing this garage and the street outside... hunting for food and supplies to build the fence? It was amazing, Ama." I squeeze her hands in mine. "We were amazing. So no, I can't... I can't let that go. I... I think I miss it."

"You miss it, Teddy?" Her deep black gaze searches mine. "You miss almost dying every day? Watching our friends die? How can you miss that?"

I dip my head, avoiding her stare. Guilt chokes me up, making my voice come out as no more than a whisper.

"I don't know, Ama. I wish I didn't want it, but I do. I can't settle down. I can't stop. I've been trying—for you—but I'm so restless. I'm bored." I manage a hollow laugh. "Can you believe me, Ama? It's the apocalypse, and I'm bored. And I feel awful about it, and I'm glad you're happy, but I just... want something to fight. I need it."

Ama leans towards me, placing a hand against the side of my face. Then she shifts it, running her fingers through my hair. Her voice is a soft murmur.

"You don't know how to live like this anymore, do you?"

"I don't know what to do with myself," I admit. "I'm sorry."

Her hand finds the back of my neck, pulling me towards her. I let our foreheads bump against each other, tilting my head to place a kiss on the tip of her aquiline nose.

"Give it some time." She wraps her arms lightly around my head, pulling my forehead to her chest. I rest my head against her collarbone, feeling her breaths wisp against my scalp. She smells like the garage—like old motor oil and gasoline.

"It's been five years," I murmur. "I should be used to this by now."

She runs her hands down my spine, resting her cheek against the top of my head. Enveloped in warmth, I feel the last of the tension stored in my bones begin to seep away, until my eyes begin to burn with exhaustion. Ama's hands never stop moving, rubbing my shoulder blades until the drowsiness overtakes me again. I allow my eyelids to give in to their weight and flutter shut, barely noticing when she gently shifts me off of herself and back down onto the blankets.
—
I wake up before dawn, slipping out of the tent after placing a kiss against Ama's hairline. Shouldering my backpack, the canvas strap of my rifle biting into the bare skin where the hem of my tank top meets it, I head down to the first level and out onto the street below. The only noise is the purr of the generator that powers the garage.