It all started when she called

19. Diffrent

"Oh Juniper..." Robin's voice trailed off, slipping into the night. I shook my head though, my brow furrowing, jaw still clenched.

"But she forgot she ever said that she was so blitzed. I wouldn't dare remind her either, she wouldn't ever forgive herself."

My sister reached over and moved my hair from my face, so she could see my eyes. I quickly wiped away the tear that was frozen on my cheek and avoided her stare, knowing the red on my features gave away my mood.

But still, i watched as her eyes filled with empathy, as they often did. My sister was the most empathetic person I knew.

"Nothing was wrong with you, June. You know that right? No matter how drunk she was, or how many times it gets into your head, don't believe it. You were struggling, along with many others, and struggle is real. It's the realest thing out there. Your not different, Juniper. You never were."

no matter how agitated or sad i was, I smiled, feeling a warmth in my chest, and that unavoidable love for my sister. goddamnit Robin. you lovable asshole.

"Your not weird, not different, not "defective". Your my sister, and I'll always love you, no matter what." Robin repeated, her words soft and comforting, like a pillow.

Despite this though, the smile I wore fell from my lips as her words rang in my ears. "I'll always love you, no matter what."

And i knew it right away. They teased me, dancing around a truth i felt i so desperately needed to tell. As much as she had stated one thing, it almost seemed like a question, one that wasn't spoken. i didn't want to answer it, but i didn't want to bottle things up forever, i wanted the icky feeling i had in my chest for so long gone.

If theres anyone i would tell... it would be her. plus, we're like, confessing things anyway, right?

''i am different Robin.'' i uttered, my hands shaking as they slid down my calves, rolling up my socks.

''How then?'' Robin asked. ''what makes you, Juniper Laurence, so strange?''

i gulped, my palms beginning to sweat. ''i-i...'' i took a long breath out, closing my eyes. She was back again, darling Phillis.

Phillis the girl i'd had sex with a month ago, and she never left me. i could still feel the way she had lightly traced my breasts with fingers, sending shivers through my body. the way she'd slowly lowered herself down until i could feel her hot breath on my neck, and soon her teeth too, nibbling my skin. the way her delicate fingers had traced my waist, caressing my hip bones, or the muscles on my stomach. i could still feel my fingers tangled in her red hair, the way i had felt like i was on fire.

''i-''

why does everything seem so slow all of the sudden, but also mad, and crazy?

''i... i don't like men.''

The words slipped from my mouth and i wanted to grab them and shove them back in, but they lingered in the air, along with the weights heaved off my shoulders.

''well, if you mean you don't want to be with a dude that's ok. Some people just want to be independent, do their own thing. in fact, more power to em!'