It all started when she called

19. Diffrent

i could see that her eyes were glossy and the back of her neck was irritated and red from the way she rubbed it, but none of that made me feel guilty for the words i'd spoken. at some point she's had to known she would get this from me. maybe that's the real reason she came out here.

''so tell me why you quit. why you left all that behind.'' my jaw hurt from how hard i'd been clenching it, and my teeth almost seemed glued together, stinging as i forced myself to relax.

"I donated some money to organizations, you know me, once I feel I should do something I do it, and I over do it. It was a drug prevention charity, one of my friends overdosed and I felt I needed to do something. I ran out of money soon, and I realized maybe I didn't want to struggle with classes and teachers." Robins voice had a weak undertone, but I knew she believed in what she was telling me. She was sitting up straight, that almost triumphant expression seeping through her hurt eyes. "I can live my own life, be successful, without school. I can be happy without a degree. it makes me feel good to help people, and that just... it outweighed school."

Robin paused for a second, taking a sharp inhale, her eyes widening for a moment, anxiety flashing her face. then the woman spoke again, this time her voice flowing with regret.

"But there is no excuse for leaving you like that. I know it. Let me explain why i really left this place, if that could do anything. You deserve to know-i think it would clear things up.'' she said, looking up at the night sky, the stars reflecting in her glossy eyes, making them sparkle.

i swallowed. ''i already know.''

It was the first time the words had come from me, and it almost felt freeing. But i don't think she believed it, or must have thought I misunderstood.

"B-besides collage, Juniper."

i barked a laugh. ''I just said I already know.''

Robin picked at a string from her jeans, her hands feverishly pulling it. ''Then tell me what it is you know. I want to make sure it's the truth.'' she said, her voice high and on edge.

I took a sharp inhale and rolled my eyes without her seeing, praying that the words I was about to speak not waver and deteriorate under my emotions.

''I-god, this is the first time I've said this out loud-I... came back from where ever i'd been and i knew it from how drunk mom was. Man, her cheeks were stained with tears. She'd said it straight to my face what you'd said, and what she'd said back. She'd given me a word for word of the whole thing, and in the end she asked me why i can't just be normal."

A lump rose in my throat and I tired to swallow it down, wrapping my arms around myself. "She said i was defective Robin, that's what she did. she told me you said it was best to leave because you thought you weren't helping. you assumed that because i wasn't doing any better you where useless. And then the next day you left, and i knew that when you told me it was for school you'd lied.''

i bit the inside of my cheek. i'd cried for hours that day, and stayed awake all night, just wishing i'd had Robin to tell me things would be okay.

Another tear fell down my face as I remembered how I'd felt nauseous when my mom said "defective" as if i where a failed organism, nothing but a waste of space on her sour tongue. i had cried silent rivers as she rambled on as if nothing had ever come from her lips, the word still hanging in the air like a rotting corpse.