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He was going to do it today, he was going to tell Brent and Carson he has cancer. He actually hasn't seen Carson since the earthquake, from what Brent tells him Carson feels terrible thinking that he made Murphy go into the hotel but in reality, it saved his life somewhat at least.
Seeing his Baba's reaction to Murphy telling him he's not getting treatment makes Murphy afraid that his friends will react the same way because Murphy doesn't know if he can handle losing someone else right before he dies.
He parked his car before gripping the handles tightly, closing his eyes he took a few deep breaths. He unbuckled and took his car keys out of the ignition and pocketed them. As he got out of his car he could instantly see that his friends were sitting outside which was a good thing for Murphy as If something bad would happen Murphy could just take off.
Carson and Brent were sitting on the same side so they saw when Murphy was coming. "Hey, Murph! Glad to see you're doing good." Brent said standing up and giving Murphy a one-armed hug. "Yea, doing all good." Murphy looked over to Carson who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.
Brent leaned close to Murphy's ear. "He's been worried all day, he thinks you hate him," Brent whispered, when Brent pulled back Murphy nodded.
Murphy took a seat across from Carson. "You know, I don't blame you, Carson." Murphy moved his foot up and down as Carson leaned forward in his chair. "How can you not? I had food poisoning instead of sucking it up and dropping off the package I had you do because of me you were hurt." Murphy shook his head. "If you went you've been hurt instead of me."
Brent put his arm around Carson and rubbed his shoulder. "He's okay Carson, stop blaming yourself." Brent looks at Murphy who nods telling Carson he's okay.
Murphy looked down at his fingers twiddling them, he was nervous but he needed to tell them before he chickened out and changed the topic. He would only draw it out if he didn't tell his best friends today. "It was kind of good that I got hurt."
Carson looked at Murphy like he was crazy. "Why would it be good that you got hurt? It's a terrible thing that you got hurt unless you met a hot firefighter." Brent slapped Carson lightly on the shoulder while Murphy smirked his thoughts seeing Buck's face in his mind.
"Oh! Who is he?"
Murphy laughs, he ran his hand through his hair. He needed to get back on track before he loses his nerve. "I might tell you later, but I need to tell you guys something before I lose my nerve and chicken out." Brent leaned forward sensing this was important. "What's wrong? This seems serious."
Murphy nods, it was his way of telling them it was serious. "Since I had rebar in my shoulder they palpated my breast, they found a lump. They took some blood and did an ultrasound, more testing showed that I had breast cancer." Murphy heard sharp intakes of breaths, before they started talking he held his hand up as he wasn't finished.
"Please, let me finish."
His friends nodded so he continued. "I have stage four breast cancer, it's spread to my lungs and is continuing to spread rapidly." Carson rubbed his hands together. "So what are your treatment options?"
Murphy took a deep breath and looked down. "My only options are tradition therapy or regional chemotherapy but it would only prolong the inevitable." Brent gasped and grabbed Carson's tightly squeezing it for comfort. "How long do you have with the treatment?" Murphy had a pit in his stomach, of course, his friends would be under the impression that he would be getting treatment. "5 years at the most, but I'm not gonna do a treatment."
Carson started shaking his head rapidly. "No, Murph are you dumb? Even if you're gonna die wouldn't you rather be here for the longest time possible?"
Murphy rolled his eyes. "Not suffering in pain, I would be going through chemo and tests every week just so I can die. I don't want to do that, I want to spend my last few moments happy not couped up in a hospital watching people's lives go by while I sit in a hospital bed dying."
Brent closed his eyes and looked down. "We understand, we will support you, Murph. You are our best friend, as much as we don't want to watch you die. We understand that you don't want to suffer." It was like a weight had lifted off of his chest, Murphy felt like he could breathe again.
"Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me."
Murphy heard some commotion behind him but ignored it, but now the commotion was back. Murphy felt bad but he twisted in his seat to see what it was, his face brightened when he saw it was the 118. "I'm gonna go say Hi." Murphy quickly got up, he felt it was also good for his friends to process the news.
"Um, Hi Mr. Buck."
Buck turned around with a surprised look on his face which quickly turned into a grin when he saw who it was. "Hey! What are you doing here?" Murphy laughed slightly and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I was just telling my friends about my diagnosis, was the fire here serious?"
Buck frowned but he quickly switched it into a grin. "No fire, um how did your friends take it if you don't mind me asking?" Murphy looked back over to his friends who were now hugging. "Better than my dad's that's for sure."
Buck nodded in sympathy. "Listen, I have to go but can I give you my number? Just in case you need to talk to someone." Murphy smiled brightly, he took out his phone and handed it to Buck so he can put his number in.
"Thanks, maybe we can see outside of your job?"
Murphy prodded gently, he wasn't even sure if Buck was into men or not. "I'd like that." Buck smiled easily. "Buck! Come on!"
Murphy laughed and nodded his head towards the woman he saw the other day. "Duty Calls."
"Guess so."
"Go save the world, Mr. Fire Man."
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