Paranoia - s.reid

Honeymoon

Spencer and Liz's month of leave was coming to an end and they were more exhausted than ever.

It was the anniversary of Maeve's death, and Spencer tried his best.

He smiled and laughed for her sake.

4:02am was when Margaret's shrill cry echoed throughout the house. Liz sighed, the lack of sleep weighing on her as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, planting her feet onto the cold ground. "I'll do it." Spencer rasped.

"No, baby. Go to bed, I'll take care of her." With a peck on the cheek, she padded to the nursery, glad Margie's tantrum hadn't woken up anyone else. She scooped the baby up, cradling her to her chest. "Hey, sweetheart. What's wrong?"

It was another 7 minutes before Margaret was asleep with Liz peering into her crib.

The door creaked open, catching her attention as a tired Diana stood. "Is Margie okay, mommy?" She asked, her voice soft with concern. Liz could feel her heart melting.

"She's fine, sweetie. What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Do you want me to colour with you until you get tired?"

Diana shook her head, much to her mother's  confusion. "It's okay, I can do it myself. The baby needs you." She smiled, skipping away. "Goodnight, mommy." She whisper-yelled.

Liz sighed, shaking her head as she went downstairs, perching herself at the breakfast bar with a glass of water. "Help me understand." A gruff voice spoke. She looked up, her eyes landing on Ted Bundy, a mere figment of imagination.

She huffed. "Understand what?"

"Why you're so stuck. You've achieved what you aimed for. You've got a great job, a big family, a soulmate. What is it, Elle?" Ted scanned her face. "It's the job. You don't think it's worth it anymore."

"Am I wrong to think that? I'm not a kid in my 20s doing it for the thrill and justice anymore. I'm an adult doing it for the justice, yes, but also to make a living. To feed not four or five- but six mouths. No high IQ can help me, I'm useless."

He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I forgot you've made the big jump from two to four. But Elle, you do have one high IQ to help you."

"You're a figment of my imagination. You can't help if you're 6 feet under, dad."

"Not me, silly. I'm talking about you husband. He is here to help you in all of this."

Liz nodded. "You're the one who taught me to be independent. Not to rely on anyone."

"And that was shit parenting on my part, but you can't let what I teach you control your life. You have to let him help."

"I know. But Maeve's death anniversary was yesterday, I want him to take his time. And I don't want to seem so dependent."

"You realize, you're a saint." She furrowed her eyebrows. "Any wife would've filed for divorce, or accused him of cheating but you didn't. You were ready to instead of her and when she did die, you begged for her to come back. So don't start with the dependence bullshit, you're allowed to be dependent. Especially after the trauma you've been through."

"What trauma?" 

Ted scoffed. "Let me list the big ones. The replicator and Rose, Maeve, Emily faking her death, Kate's death, Molly Kendall, Marceau Boucher, taking care of Spencer after Tobias, your two miscarriages, me. Those are just the big ones I can remember."

After a long moment of silence, the agent finally spoke. "It's not about being a wife, it's about being a mother. A parent. Spencer and I, we both don't come from the best places. He didn't have a dad, and his mother was ill. I didn't have a dad and my mother just hated living with me. How am I supposed to know if I'm doing it right? And then I add my job and the time away. You know, Aaron and Haley got a divorce because he worked so much he never saw Jack."