Paranoia - s.reid

Stages of Grief

(Super short chapter ahead.)

"What am I here for, Agent Hotchner?" Liz rolled her eyes. "To talk about losing my best friend 2 months ago? The fact that I carried her casket?"

"The assessment's routine. I asked Strauss to let me do it rather than bring in somebody from the outside."

"Let me guess, it's about the 5 stages of grief. You want to know where I am. Alright." She tilted her head slightly in a teasing manner. "I've finished my grieving. I denied, I got angry, I bargained, I was depressed and now I've accepted."

"You see, Elizabeth, I don't think you're finished. We both know it's impossible to grieve over a friend in 2 months."

"She was my best friend."

"Exactly. In fact, I think you're still early on in the process."

"Let's go through it, shall we? I'm not in denial. I'm not bargaining. I don't have the time for depression. Where am I, Aaron?" She asked, feigning innocence.

"You're angry."

Liz unintentionally slammed her hand flat on his table in a fit of, well, rage. "Yes, I'm fucking angry, okay? Is that what you wanted to here? I'm angry that she's dead. I'm angry because she didn't open her fucking eyes. I'm angry because I want to quit my job to go find Ian Doyle and kill him." She sobbed.

"You did it once, you can do it again. So what's stopping you?" A pause. "You know she wouldn't have wanted that."

She got up, grabbing her things before pointing an accusing finger at her unit chief. "No. You don't know what she would've wanted so don't try that bullshit with me. The only reason I don't have Ian Doyle's blood on my hands is because-"

"You have a family."

"If I'd gotten there a minute earlier, she would've been here."

"You did everything you could."

"Well it wasn't enough now, was it? Someone needs to be blamed. My best friend died in my arms and you're saying it's not my fault?" She scoffed. "Good night, Aaron."

-----

For 10 weeks straight since the inevitable death of Emily Prentiss, Liz couldn't bare to sleep in her own bed.

Every night after putting the kids to bed, she'd give Spencer the same weak smile and say "I'm going to JJ's. Don't wait up. I'll see you tomorrow."

She'd make her way to the Jareau house, meeting the blonde outside and crying loudly to her heart's content. She couldn't do it in her own home. She didn't want her grief the be the reason her husband and children wake up in the middle of the night.

She silently closed the door to Diana and Lyle's shared nursery, turning around to meet Spencer. "Going to JJ's?" He asked quietly.

She felt a small smile grace her lips. "No. I think I'll stay here tonight."

She loved the way his face instantly lit up. She didn't feel like crying anymore. "Dee starts her first day of preschool tomorrow."

"Yeah, I don't think Rossi's birthday party last week helped with the separation anxiety." They both chuckled.

"It was a nice event to have. Our little girl was turning 2."

"Yeah." Without Emily. She wanted to say, but decided against it. They were smiling, she didn't need to bring the mood down. "Go get ready for bed, I'll join you in a second." Spencer agreed, walking down the hallway, pausing when she called his name.