Emma That is Dead (FREE!)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I had the funniest thought during my first trip (if that's what you want to call it—I don't even know!), I'm almost embarrassed to tell you. But when Stef and I are an official couple, how does she see our relationship progressing? Will we simply be together forever, or are we going to make it official and get married? And if we do get married, would I go by Mrs. Stef Colin, or would she be Mrs. Emma Navarro??

I have no idea where that came from but it did get me thinking more seriously about our future—all good things, of course! I swear, my brain never stops. I have so many questions for her, and I can't wait for the day when she's all mine.

And that day is coming sooner than I expected.

We're going to meet in person—can you believe it?? We have it all planned out. She's living in New York at the moment and said her cousin can drive her to Ohio. He's not able to stay with her (although, honestly I think that's something they worked out so that we can be alone together). The plan is for him to drop her off at a motel and then I'll pick her up. To be extra careful, we'll meet about thirty minutes outside of Menteuse so no one I know will see us.

She suggested I bring Arbor with me, just in case I get nervous or something, but there's no way I want anyone tagging along. I've waited way too long for this to happen, and I want Stef all to myself. That may sound selfish, but I don't care. She said she'd bring more pills with her too, and I'm sort of hoping she remembers what she said about mind-blowing sex—because between you and me, I can't wait much longer to be with her.

While she's here, she said we can talk about when I eventually come to live with her. All this time, I've been so scared that's all this ever was—just a couple of teenage girls talking about things that will never happen. Cause you never really know what people are thinking, even when it seems like they're being honest. There were times when I worried Stef was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. But now I know she meant every word.

And guess what? It's all happening this Friday! Coach has something going on that day so she canceled practice and my parents have dinner plans and said they won't get home until around 10:00 PM. But if there's alcohol involved—and you know there will be—they'll be lucky to make it back before 1:00. That should give me and Stef hours to hang out together. It's not nearly long enough but at least it's something.

I really need this. I'm hoping a little taste of what my future could be like will be enough to get me through these next several months.

I still can't believe it's finally happening! Whenever I think about it—which is every minute of every day—I get butterflies in my stomach. Which pretty much means my insides are in a constant state of disarray!

But I'm confident we can pull this off. I've watched enough TV to know how to sneak around like a professional, and I've spent more time than I care to admit plotting my escape. Now I get to put all of those plans to good use.

Besides, I have the universe on my side. You see, me and the universe, we made this deal. If I promise to live my best life and to always do good, then everything will work out the way it's supposed to. It's called karma. To receive happiness and love and peace, one must BE happiness and love and peace. Because whatever we throw out into the world is exactly what will come back to us.

The hard part will be leaving her. I know it's only temporary, but how will I be able to come back to this awful life when I know a much better one is out there waiting for me?

Stef says the wait will make it that much sweeter. I'm sure she's right, but I've never been a patient person. I only hope she still likes me when we meet! I can be abrasive and headstrong sometimes. Spoiled, too. I've already warned her, but she said she loves me and all of my idiosyncrasies. Isn't that the sweetest? And I love her too. So so much.

Just a little while longer to go. Now if I could only wipe this stupid grin off my face, maybe I wouldn't look like I'm up to no good!