Sentient

Easy as ABC

Submerged in emotions I can't even define;
Feels like walking on fine line, could it be benign?
Pretending to be fine, not showing any sign,
That I am slowly losing grip on my lifeline.

Overwhelmed with the surge of negativity,
Mind is filled with screams of my insecurity.
Emotional, can't face problems objectively;
Thinking of killing my self, intentionally.

Been having these thoughts of self-hatred for a while;
Been accumulating anger, stacked on a pile;
Been concealing my self-contempt in graceful style:
By hiding it behind my impeccable smile;

So everytime I'm alone, flooded by silence,
I'm questioning the purpose of my existence;
Why do I still breath and live? What is my essence?
Show me evidence that this world needs my presence.

Can't find motivation to wake up everyday;
So don't ask me questions like "how are you today?"
'Cause I will just probably go with "I'm okay."
Well, isn't that we all automatically say?

I don't really want to push everyone away,
Maybe it's different than what I do, display,
But i just want to withdrew myself for a day;
"It's not you, it's me" may sound cliché, but that's what I'll say.

Well, I can't really explain what is in my brain,
Seems like I'm enjoying the pain flowing in my vein;
No complain, I'll wallow in it till none remain.
My self-love on the drain, does that make me insane?

People say "you are truly blessed to be alive,"
"Others are deprived, doing eight-to-five to survive;"
"Others would give everything to be revived, strive;"
Ungrateful of me, to death I'm planning to dive.

You may know me, but you don't know how to be me;
Let's agree, we see reality differently,
Easy as ABC to say, "think positively"
I'm trying desperately, checkout "Life Scenery"