When the stars align

Chapter thirty seven

Zayn's POV:

I walk into the living area of the bus, munching on my bag of Kay's, when I stop short.

Louis is sitting on the couch, tears streaming down his face.
He wipes his eyes quickly when he sees me, trying to compose himself, but not doing a very good job of it.

"What's wrong?" I ask fearfully, I don't think I have ever seen him like this before.

"I'm sorry," he says, embarrassed. I know how he hates it when anyone sees him crying.

I sit down next to him, waiting for him to speak, when I see Skyler's notebook in his hands.

"Louis," I say sternly, "you didn't take this without her permission, did you?"

"Of course not!" He glares at me indignantly, "she wanted me to read it." He sniffles.

"Zayn, you have no idea what she's been through!" He says. He shakes his head, quickly swiping away a fresh tear.

"It eats you up, doesn't it?" I say, staring at him intently, "why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"This is not just the fact that you care about her," I say, I know my best mate.
"It's more than that, isn't it?"

I can tell I'm right by Louis' pained expression.

"It's just..." He looks down, guilt etched on his features, "at the hotel. I was so adamant not to believe Liam, I just keep thinking, what if we'd have left her there, because of me? Jerry would have continued to abuse her, maybe even killing her in the end."

He winces at those words.

"Louis," I say softly, "all of us didn't believe it at first. It's hard to believe that someone can be as cruel as Jerry is, of course you were skeptical."

"But that's just it," Louis says quietly, head in his hands. "I wasn't. I knew Liam was right but I still brushed it off! I was..."

He trails off muttering an angry "fuck!" Under his breath.

"You were scared," I say quietly.

He nods, groaning and I can tell how much this kills him, because Louis never admits to being afraid.

"I was fucking scared!" He hisses, "so I ignored what was going on right under our very noses! I wanted to leave her there and not help, even though deep down I knew what they were doing!
I could have left her there, I would have left her there if it weren't for you guys!
She could have been killed..."

He chokes at the last words and I see a tear trickle past his hands which are still covering his eyes.

"But you didn't," I say gently, "do you remember you were the one who came up with the, admittedly stupid, but still a plan. You were the one who was determined to take her back with us."

Louis shakes his head.
"Liam came down to breakfast and told me what he had seen and I instantly realised what was going on. But I told him it was fine and that it was probably nothing even though I knew that it wasn't.
I didn't want to believe it, so I pushed it away... I'm... I'm a fucking coward."

I smile at him, even though he is now sobbing unashamedly.

"That's just it, Louis." I say, pulling him into a hug, "you didn't want to believe that it was happening. You're not a coward. Your brain refused to allow you to think that people could be so cruel to an innocent girl, that's why you refused to believe it."

"That's stupid of my brain then." He says into my jacket.

I laugh, "no. That shows something amazing, you know what?"