A Mother's Love_Jelsa

From Afar

Iduna traced her one month old daughter’s face with the tip of her finger. Her eyes seemed unable to see anything else around her because something in her arms was the most precious thing she had ever had. She ignored the jolt of the vehicle she was in, when it passed the rocky road. She ignored the fact that soon she would be separated from her daughter. The fact that she would never be able to hold her daughter ever again.

Her tears slowly dripped without her noticing. The corner of her lips twitched into a smile, betraying her heart which tightened with emotion. Her laugh broke when her index finger stuck on the mouth of the baby, who reflexively tasted off expecting to be breastfed. However, her joy didn’t last long. Sobs replaced her laugh and for this time, Iduna couldn’t stop crying. Then, she hugged her daughter and closed her eyes tightly.

“We are here, Ma’am.” The voice of the driver made her open her eyes and looked around her. She could clearly see a sign that read MOTHER’S LOVE, THE ORPHANAGE, not far away from where the driver parked the vehicle. Iduna cleaned her cheeks from the tears and got ready to get out.

“Here. Thank you. Keep the change.” Iduna said, held out some money for the driver.

After Iduna was in front of the gate of an old building that was still very well preserved, Iduna was still trying to convince herself that what she was doing, was the right thing to do. Iduna once again looked at her daughter, slowly landed a warm kiss on her baby’s forehead.

“You are going to be a very beautiful girl, Sweetheart.” Iduna said softly. She then smiled and in an instant felt confident that she did the right thing. Slowly she opened the gate and stepped inside.

Iduna steps became more stable when she entered the courtyard of the building. She pushed through the main entrance and saw a woman with glasses behind the information desk. The woman that she knew would take care of her daughter with all of her heart. With all kindness and love. With something she gladly gave, but couldn’t.

“Good afternoon.” Iduna greeted. Making the woman behind the desk looked up, her eyes widened slightly when she saw Iduna. She immediately stood up and walked around the desk to face Iduna.

“Iduna?” Gerda asked incredulously.

“Gerda.” Said Iduna under her breath.  Her throat tightened trying to hold back the sobs that wanted to escape for the umpteenth time that day. Her eyes glistened with tears as Gerda pulled her into a hug.

“How have you been? Where were you?” Gerda’s eyes then landed on the baby in Iduna’s arms once she pulled away from the hug. “And who’s this?”

Without answering Gerda’s question, Iduna handed the baby over. “This is my daughter. Will you take care of her for me? I’ll come by every month to give you money and everything she needs. Not much, but I’ll try my best.” Iduna looked up to meet Gerda’s eyes. Desperate look met confused look.

Gerda sighed softly. “Let’s sit down first, Iduna. Tell me what this is all about. I haven’t seen you in years, and now, you have a daughter and you want me to take care of her? What happened?”

“I can’t stay for too long, Gerda. Please?” Iduna pleaded, her tears once again rolled down her cheeks. And because Gerda was still looking at her with questioning eyes, she continued. “I want you to take care of her because she can’t be with me. She can’t live with me. She will have a better life with you.  She will have a better future with you—“

“But why?" Gerda cut Iduna off. “You are her mother. Why can’t she be with you?”

Iduna tried to hold back tears and composed herself. “Because I’m embarrassed. When she grows up, I don’t want her to know that her mother is…” Iduna looked away. Already embarrassed with what she was trying to say. “I don’t want her to know that her mother is a prostitute.”