To Learn to Let Go | ✔

Chapter 30

"I haven't felt this awful, this overwhelmed, since Adam." I admitted.

"What's the most overwhelming?"

"I think... I think its feeling like Trent doesn't trust me."

"How come you feel that way?"

"He wouldn't let us go to my house. He told me that he was always planning to move in with Brayden, he never talked to me about it before."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know," I admitted, but then it dawned on me. "Maybe he was always just trying to stay alive, kind of like how I was."

"Maybe he was," she agreed.

"I shouldn't have been so upset, huh?"

"Well, Grayson I think you're entitled to how you feel. Our feelings don't care if they're rational."

"But he didn't mean to hurt me. He probably didn't even know it would hurt me. And if he just had a falling out with his dad why the hell would he want to come be with my parents and be reminded of what he never really had and just possibly lost for good. Wow I suck!"

"It sounds to me like you were just trying to process your own trauma."

"My trauma?"

"Last night was traumatic, for both of you. You said his father charged toward you, that must have brought back some memories. And then you find out Trent's had this life plan that you didn't know about. You were processing a lot, Grayson."

"You're right, it was a lot, it's still a lot. And fuck you're going to have to call children's services, aren't you? I didn't think of that before I told you all this."

"I will, you're right. But they're probably not going to do anything about it, Trent is 18 in a week. They'll do a check-in on everyone, if Trent wants to press charges, they'll pursue it. But they're not going to put him into the system when he's going to age out in a week."

"Alright."

"Will Trent be mad?"

"No, he'll understand, but this might put an even bigger wedge in things with his dad."

"It sounds like they're kind of beyond saving anyway from what you said."

"Are you like... supposed to say that as a therapist?"

"I'm supposed to tell it like it is. Sometimes someone's biological family isn't the best thing for them. Sometimes it is, like with you. Your parents messed up not catching what Adam did sooner, but they deserved your forgiveness. Trent's father sounds like he's never been a father. And who knows, maybe I'll be wrong and be presently surprised. But right now, my recommendation is for Trent to get some space, a safe space."

"And a safe space isn't my home with my family?"

"I think Brayden's is the safest space for him, not because your family doesn't care for him, or wouldn't support him, but because he needs his support system right now, not yours."

"Why are you always right?"

"Years of practice," Dr. Meyer laughed. "Well Grayson, our hour is up. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I feel better now that I let it all out."

"Alright, then I'll see you next week. Call if something comes up, okay? I can make room for you."

"Thanks, bye Dr. Meyer." I left the office and headed out to Trent's truck. He was waiting outside the passenger door so he could open it for me, always the gentleman. As I approached, I noticed a bruise forming just under his left eye. "Babe, what happened?"

"I'm staying with Brayden for the foreseeable future, let's put it that way," he mumbled as he got in the driver's seat.

"I'm so sorry, babe."

"It's not your fault. You didn't make me queer." He spat the word queer, like it was dirty, something wrong.

"Sorry you're so miserable to be with me."

"Baby, what?" Trent asked. "Oh, no that's not what I meant. I'm just... do you ever wish you could just not be this way?"

"Yeah, I have."

"That's how I'm feeling. I just wish I could be straight; I wish this could be easier. But I wouldn't trade you for the world."

"I get it, I do. I'm just sensitive."

"About what?"

"Well, I talked everything out with Dr. Meyer. I think part of the reason I was so mad at you last night was because it felt like you didn't trust me. But then I realized you were just trying to survive by having a backup plan. And you needed to be surrounded by your support system, not mine."

"You're right baby, it's not that I don't like your parents, or wouldn't have felt safe at your house. I just needed my best friend, you know?"

"I know that now. I'm sorry."

"It's okay baby."

"Oh um, there's something else..." Trent glanced at me skeptically. "Dr. Meyer has to call children's services about your dad, but the case will probably be dropped since you're almost 18 anyway." I blurted out as fast as I could.

"Well, I figured that would happen. I think my neighbors beat her to it anyway, they were peeking through the windows when I went back before."

"What did happen when you went back?" I asked. Trent lit a cigarette before he started the story.

"Well," he took a long drag, "I tried to talk with him, like man to man, and he didn't even want to hear it. He was still fucking drunk. He just kept calling me a fag and blaming my mom."

"That sounds awful."

"It sucked. I told him I was sorry, and I didn't ask to be this way, and he just wouldn't listen. He kept saying I was choosing this, I was an embarrassment, I was going to hell."

"He was really pulling out all the rhetoric, huh?"

"Oh yeah, at one point he started reciting bible verses in Spanish, and begging God to fix me."

"Holy shit."

"Eventually I got so mad I just punched him. He hit me back, that's how I got this beautiful black eye, and I just packed my important shit and left."

"So you're going to Brayden's?"

"Yeah, he's fixing up the spare room for me now."

"I'm sure your dad will come around eventually, it's a shock, and he's not really the best person, but I think he can change. You just need space."

"I really hope so," he said, taking a drag of his cigarette and turning his head to blow smoke out the window. I looked over at him and his eyes were red and watery.

"Trent, it's going to be okay." I said, taking his hand in mine after he tossed his cigarette out the window.

"This just fucking sucks," he cried. He parked his truck outside of the apartment building, took his seat belt off, and just stayed there in the passenger seat. I watched as his body was racked with sobs. For the first time I watched Trent crack, his strong personality gave way to a sad, scared child who was just abandoned by the only family he had.