To Learn to Let Go | ✔

Chapter 2

The rest of the day dragged on slowly, as did most school days. I enjoyed my mile walk home, appreciating the time alone while I listened to music and just let my mind wander, to good things of course. I fantasized about what my life could be like if I weren't so fucked up. I imagined a future where I was happy, a dream I knew would never come true.

I got home and yet again; I was alone. My parents wouldn't be home from work for a few hours, so I watched YouTube videos on the tv in the living room and did my homework. I was a fairly good student, I didn't like to go out or do things that most normal teenagers did, so I had a lot of time to do homework and study. I was probably the top of my class, but my school didn't release rankings. I took pride in my grades; it was the only thing I had control over it seemed. Every other aspect of my life had been taken from me and was now held hostage to my anxiety and depression. Academics was the one area of my life my mental illness couldn't touch, or I wouldn't let it touch.

When Mom and Dad came home, I instantly started helping Mom with dinner. We talked about my day, I conveniently left out getting beat up by Kyle, and almost getting beat up by Trent. We sat down to eat, and Dad talked about his upcoming business trip. He was going to Germany for a week next month, and a couple of weeks after that he had to go to California. Dad traveled all the time for his job, he was a tech consultant for various pharmaceutical companies. He worked on projects all over the world, and while he typically was able to work from home or the local office for his company, sometimes they needed him to travel to sites. I didn't mind him traveling, not anymore anyway. When I was little it put a lot of strain on Mom, but now that I'm older and mostly self-sufficient, the time he's gone serves as quality mother son bonding time.

"Gray, your father and I were thinking about extending his trip to Germany, and I would join him out there after the first week. It's our 20-year anniversary that week so we thought we could celebrate. But only if you're okay with that!" She quickly added at the end.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked. "I think it's great that you guys are taking a vacation together, I'll be fine on my own," I reassured them. Mom smiled gently at me and Dad nodded before going back to his spaghetti. I didn't miss the worried looks Mom kept giving me through the rest of dinner, though. My parents worried about me, a lot. They kind of had reason too. I mean, most kids don't have night terrors every night at 16 years old. Imagine if they knew the real story?

After dinner I headed up to my room to unwind from the day and get ready for bed. Around 10 p.m. I shut out my light and lay in bed, trying to shut off my mind long enough to go to sleep. I managed to get a few hours before waking up from a nightmare. After that I tossed and turned, played Animal Crossing, and scrolled through social media before my alarm rang for me to start my day. I showered, got dressed, did my best to look halfway decent, and then headed downstairs to grab some breakfast before heading out to school.

As I headed to first period, I was so tired I that I wasn't my usual hyperalert self. I was so unaware of my surroundings that I missed Kyle and his crew hanging out at the end of the hallway, waiting for me to walk right into them. As I rounded the corner, I felt that familiar tug on my backpack as I got thrown into the lockers. I cried out as my head collided with the cold metal and just cowered on the floor, waiting for my morning beating.

"Hey queer!" Kyle shouted, kicking me in the stomach. I gasped for air as I tried to brace myself for the hits to come. "Is the crybaby crying again?" Kyle mocked my choked sobs that were barely escaping my lips. I waited for the next kick or punch, but it never came.

"What the fuck is going on here?" A deep, raspy voice asked. For a minute I thought, and hoped, it might be a teacher coming to my rescue.

"Teaching this wuss a lesson," was Kyle's answer, crushing my hopes. Whoever this was would probably join in on my beating too. Instead, I hear the sound of a fist colliding with what could only be Kyle's stupid face.