❝All of my life, it's been heartbreak weather
Thinking to myself it won't get better
It can be so lonely in this city
But it feels different when you're with me❞
***
Where Béatrice Lange meets Niall Horan at a club and brings the sunshine back into...
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Telling Niall about everything that's going on felt like it took a weight off my shoulders. As much as I didn't want to talk about it, finally letting it out felt good. Niall stuck to his word, he didn't bring it up again until I did. Telling him was by far one of the most terrifying things I think I've ever done, but I know that it will be topped by telling my mother. I never planned on talking about it to Niall ever again, but I needed advice and Niall was the only person I trusted enough to turn to.
I would usually go to Celina when I needed help, but she's been incredibly busy these past weeks, flying from country to country for work. I hadn't even told her what happened in its entirety. She only knew that something was wrong.
I needed to tell my mum, but I had no idea how. This was going to break her heart and I didn't want to disappoint her. I mean, I haven't exactly been daughter of the year, so this was just going to be the icing on the cake. In my few years of living in London, I've only been home a few times. This year alone I've only seen my mum three times. As much as I wish I could deny it, I don't call or Facetime her as much anymore either.
She probably feels like she's lost both her husband and her daughter.
I ended up crying to Niall again, this time about my mum. I needed his advice on what to do, because my only plan was to continue to avoid talking about it with her. Deep down, I know that telling her about what I did is going to be a million times harder than telling Niall. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do it. I can barely imagine what the look on her face will be and if she cries, I don't know what I'll do.
Lately, Niall's been acting as my voice of reason. After I cried on his couch, for the second time in a week, he helped me think of a plan. It was mostly him thinking and planning and me sitting on his panicking. In all honesty, I'm surprised I haven't scared him away yet.
Niall assured me that everything was going to be fine.
When I woke up the next morning, Niall wasn't in the bed. Instead, I found him sitting in his kitchen with his laptop open, buying us two plane tickets to France. I wanted him to go with me. I needed him to go with me.
I'm a terrible daughter.
My mum has wanted me to come visit home so many times over the past few years and I never did. But someone I've known for almost three months is going to get me to fly home and he didn't even have to try and convince me to say yes.
I miss my mum more than anything, and part of me is scared that once I get home I'm not going to want to come back to London. London isn't my home, no matter how hard I've tried to convince myself I belong here.
***
When Niall and I got off the plane, it was mid-afternoon and I knew mum would be closing her boutique soon. I debated if we should wait at the house or go to her shop. I left the decisions up to Niall, and he insisted on seeing the boutique.
