Chasing Empty Spaces

Chapter 4

"Harry!"

The melodic voice was transformed into a taunt inside of Harry's mind as the too-familiar lilt registered. Harry snapped his head, looking behind him to see Louis standing there, hand still clutched onto the blazer. Louis wore the same outfit from the evening they met, one of the suspender straps struggling not to slip off of the jut of his shoulder. A red bandana hung from his neck and Harry mentally abused the part of him that was transfixed. His gaze chanced a glimpse at the other man's face, internally begging for relief from the onslaught of inappropriate thoughts that plucked his heartstrings. One look at Louis' open expression and irises layered with mischief, had Harry a single tier away from collapsing in pure panic as everything bled opulent blue.

"Aren't ya s'posed to be up soon, stud?"

Harry visibly flinched at the nickname and weakly tried to pull his arm back. Formulating words was incomprehensible as his tongue dried inside of his mouth.

"Harry?" Louis' eyes searched over Harry's face, a frown spiraling his smirk downwards. His grip slid to the crook of Harry's elbow, "Hey, what's wrong?"

He shook his head, tongue trapped between his teeth.

Louis' worry grew and he stepped closer, lowly begging, "C'mon, Harry, talk to me.''

"I - I can't," Harry choked out before he jerked his arm back, giving into the innate need to flee as far as possible from the other man.

Harry spun on his heel and booked it towards the exit, leaving intentions of returning in the cloud of tobacco smoke behind him. Fresh air circled around him, slightly offering refuge from the horrific thoughts that speared themselves one by one into his chest.

"Wait up!"

"Fuck," Harry harshly exhaled under his breath.

Snaking his way along the queue of men and women, Harry bounded towards the parking lot. Behind him, the thud of footsteps grew louder against the pavement and he was vaguely aware of Louis' voice calling after him. His nails dug into the fleshy skin of his palms as his gait increased pace. The toe of his shoe caught along a rock in his haste, nearly toppling him over. A set of hands steadied him along his waist and Harry had to clamp his eyes shut. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his senses centralized where Louis' hands burned through his layers of clothes.

Harry deeply inhaled and dropped his hand, "I don't wanna talk right now." He opened his eyes and stared at the siding of his truck as he half-heartedly exhaled, "Don't feel well."

"Did I do somethin' wrong?" Louis carefully asked, voice dripping with poorly concealed anxiety. He quickly tacked on, "If this is about Atlanta -"

"It's not," Harry managed to cut Louis off. He resolutely didn't look where Louis walked to his right, "You didn't do anythin'."

In that moment, he was unfathomably selfish. Implicative perverse feelings clawed along his insides and yet, he couldn't push Louis away. Louis was the bolt of light amidst the shadows of Harry's well-constructed life and if he was gone, grey would surely suffocate what remained of the incomparable sunlight.

"You don't wanna talk," Louis quietly started, his hold unwavering, "That's fine." He sighed and slowly guided Harry forwards, "But I'm not gonna let you drive like this."

"M' fine," Harry gritted out, hoping that if he said the words they would be true.

"Are we back to lying, then?"

Harry faltered at that, stopping in his tracks. A crease settled along his forehead as his eyebrows knitted together. His lips firmly pressed together when Louis stood in front of him, arms folded over his chest. The heels of his shoes dug into the gravel beneath them in attempts to ground himself as their eyes met. Louis cocked his eyebrow and the expectant look was all it took for Harry to heavily sigh and shake his head.