Guilt

Chapter 5

"Like I said, it was not a good way of handling it. And, take it from me, it doesn't help at all. Eventually everything will only get worse if you seek help in alcohol."

Regina smiled sincerely at Emma. She really wasn't proud of her past, but she was working on herself. Every day again, she tried to be a better person. Though she knew she still had a long way to go.

"This is all.. quite something to go through," Emma said. "You look very healthy and beautiful now, though. Inside and out. I'm glad to see that. Maybe one day, I'll manage to clean up the mess I've made of my life and turn out to live it as perfectly as you," Emma said. She truly meant the words. Regina appeared as a steady, strong and gorgeous woman, who had her entire life perfectly on the rails.

Regina shifted in her seat and quickly shook her head. "Hon, I just want to say that your life isn't nearly as messy as mine once was. Apart from wanting to help you, I also want to make sure you don't make the same mistakes I made. My life is everything but perfect. I can guarantee you that."

Emma smiled weakly at Regina. "Thank you. For being here, it means a lot to me that you're willing to talk about everything with me," she said.

A smile appeared on Regina's lips and she kept quiet for a moment. Ever since she'd met Emma there had been this one question bugging her. She didn't know whether it was appropriate for her to ask it, but she really wanted an answer.

She'd figured it had something to do with Killian's passing, but now that she had heard the story, it seemed illogical. Something about Emma's behavior raised questions by Regina and she hoped that this time Emma would talk to her.

"I, uh, I do have a question," Regina said and cleared her throat. She was still looking for the best words to form the question. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way and if you don't feel comfortable answering it, you don't have to."

Emma cocked her head but nodded slowly. "Yes?"

"Do you.. feel ashamed or guilty for anything that's happened in your life?"

As Regina asked the question she saw Emma's expression fall. The woman stiffened and didn't move for a solid thirty seconds, before she started rapidly touching the table with her fingernails.

"You don't have to reply, if you're not comfortable with it," Regina soothed, but Emma quickly shook her head and chuckled nervously.

"No, it's... It's okay, I just wonder what gave you that idea."

Regina swallowed as she observed Emma. The woman seemed very uncomfortable talking about this subject and Regina wanted to be as careful as possible as she talked to Emma about it.

"The way you acted when we slept together," Regina replied in all honesty. "I- I'm not judging you, if you think that. I just no for a fact that us sleeping together wasn't just pure for pleasure, I noticed that you wanted pain involved."

"I..."

Both women looked up when they heard the lock of the front door jiggle. "Mom, I have that stupid history paper due tomorrow..." the door opened and Hope entered the room. She was staring at her phone as she took off her jacket. "I haven't started yet and Mrs. Mills is always so fuc..." She looked up as she closed the door and her eyes widened.

She blinked a few times and her eyes shifted between her mother and her history teacher. Hope didn't move as she tried to comprehend the situation in front of her. Her mom was talking to her teacher on a Sunday afternoon and she almost talked horribly about her teacher, while the woman was present.

Hope straightened her posture and wrapped her fingers tightly around her jacket. "Mom, can I talk to you for a moment? In private?"

Emma glanced at the clock and cursed herself under her breath for not keeping track of the time. She knew Hope would be coming home later and she'd completely forgotten about the fact that the girl wouldn't be too ecstatic to see her teacher in the room.