The Christmas Party

Let it Snow

"Hi Louise," Monica, my least favorite co-worker, said as she approached my desk with authority she did not possess.

I had my hands wrapped around my warm coffee mug as I glanced through the exorbitant amount of emails that piled up over the three-day holiday last week. When Monica leaned against my desk, I glanced up from my computer, pushed my glasses back up my nose, and blinked. It was the Monday after the Thanksgiving holiday and I'd only been seated at my desk for thirty minutes when Monica walked over to taunt me.

It was much too early for this.

"Hello," I mumbled.

"We missed you at the company party last week," Monica explained with a bit of a sneer.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't make it. My girlfriend got called into work last minute and we couldn't make it."

"What a shame," Monica said, though she said it in such a way that I didn't really believe she thought it was 'a shame.'

"Yeah, it was." I returned to the email I was reading that described the exact shade of Christmas green and reindeer-shaped design the client wanted on their website. Did people really think if they added reindeer, mistletoe, and ornaments to their logos that they would bring in more customers? I suppose it wasn't my job to ask questions; I just made the designs.

"Why didn't you come without her?" Monica asked.

"What?" I looked back up at Monica, already forgetting she was standing there.

"Why don't you ever come to the company parties without your girlfriend?"

"We have a very unhealthy relationship so I can't do anything without her. Very codependent."

Monica stared at me, unimpressed. She clearly wasn't a fan of sarcasm. Or maybe she just wasn't a fan of me being sarcastic.

"Nice talking to you," I said dismissively and went back to my emails, hoping Monica would take the hint that I wasn't interested in talking to her. After a few moments, I felt her still standing in front of me. "Can I help you?"

"Do you even have a girlfriend?"

I faked indignation. "Of course I have a girlfriend. What kind of question is that?"

"I've never seen her." Monica looked at my desk, which was cleared of any personal photos except a single framed picture of me and my family. I suppose if I was going to continue to lie about having a girlfriend that, according to when the lie began, I would be celebrating a three-year anniversary with, I should have a picture of us in my personal effects. I made a mental note to take a picture with my next Bumble date for this exact purpose.

"Why would I lie about having a girlfriend?" I scoffed.

Monica shrugged. "You tell me. You always just have the most convenient excuses to not attend any company parties or go to Happy Hours with us."

I pulled out my phone and navigated to my sister's contact, knowing she wouldn't answer during work hours. "Do you want me to call her and ask? You can talk to her."

Monica crossed her arms and eyed me. "What did you say her name was again?"

The phone at my desk rang at the exact moment Monica finished her question.

"Sorry, gotta take this." I flashed her an apologetic grin and picked up the phone and answered with a cheery 'hello?'

Monica scowled and walked away. I stuck my tongue out at her when her back was turned and we continued to glare at each other across the office all day.

* * *
"Remind me again why you lie to everyone about this fake girlfriend of yours?" Luca asked.

Luca was my best friend. When I moved to town three years ago we immediately hit it off and developed a very interdependent friendship in which we found ourselves in each others company much too often, much to the annoyance of Luca's sister, whom he lived with (I was at their apartment much too often for her liking). When we weren't hanging out at their apartment, Luca and I often met at Alice's, a little hole-in-the-wall pub run by a feisty Irish mother and her three sons.

"Because I don't want to hang out with my co-workers after hours and make small talk about work because we realized we have nothing in common and have nothing else to talk about. Then I'll feel awkward that we have nothing to talk about, so I'll drink to give myself something to do and to distract myself from the pure awkwardness of it all, and then I'll get drunk and you know what happens when I get drunk." Luca laughed. "I'm not going to get drunk in front of my co-workers and if I'm not going to get drunk what's the point of going to party or happy hour?"

"Wow," Luca said and sipped his drink. "At least you co-workers don't drop bugs on your desk and stick gum in each other's hair."

"Your 'co-workers' are children."

Luca grinned. "Yeah, but if Stacey puts one more roly-poly on my desk I am going to lose my shit."

"If you didn't want bugs on your desk, I don't think you should have elected to be a kindergarten teacher."

"But they tell me how much they love my ties or my hair and I could really use the self-confidence."

"Remind me to visit your classroom when I need a compliment."

Luca winked. "But more on point," Luca said, directing the conversation back to my work. "Why don't you just say you don't want to go to your work events?"

"I can't seem like I don't want to be around everyone. That would just make me look bad. Plus my boss loves parties. If I outright rejected all of his parties, I'm sure he would pass me up for the projects he'd put me on. If I paint myself a devoted girlfriend then I'm not such an anti-social party pooper."

Look frowned. "I really don't understand this logic of yours."

"And it's also because Monica is being a total dick about it again."

Luca smirked. "Maybe Monica is just trying to hit on you and really wants to figure out if this girlfriend is real so she can swoop in."

"Oh, God. Don't even joke about that."

"Is that why you're worried about getting drunk in front of your co-workers? Because you might hook up with Monica?" I glared at Luca, who laughed. "Noted. No Monica." He glanced at me and quickly muttered, "I still think that's why you won't drink with her."

"What?" I snapped.

"Nothing, nothing. Go on."

I took a sip of my drink. "I think she's started catching on though. She asked me what my girlfriend's name was today and I panicked. Thank God my phone rang when it did."

"You don't even have a name for your fake girlfriend?"

"Good point. What should my fake girlfriend's name be?"

"Thea?"

"Thea? Like your sister? You want your sister to be my fake girlfriend?"

"What? No. Thea's here."

I turned in my seat to see Thea waving at us from outside the window of the bar. Luca waved her in.

"Hey guys," she said, pulling off her snow sprinkled coat, beanie, and scarf. She wore a sharp suit and exhaustion.

"Hey Thea," I said. "Drink?"

"Please. Old Fashioned."

I went to the bar and ordered her drink. When I returned Thea was smiling at whatever Luca was telling her.

"So Luca tells me you're still lying about the fake girlfriend," Thea said, accepting the drink.

"Of course I am. I'm not going to a work function after work."

"You need more friends," Thea said.

"No I don't."

"My brother is your only friend."

"You're my friend."

Thea frowned at me. "You're friends with my brother. I only hang out with you two idiots because I live with him and you come over all the time."

"Wow, I'm hurt. I thought after three years you would have grown to like, maybe even love me. I had no idea you felt that way about me, Thea dearest."

Thea sipped her drink, unimpressed.

"I do have other friends," I muttered.

"She doesn't even have a name for her fake girlfriend," Luca whispered. Thea laughed and I stuck up my middle finger.

"Shouldn't you at least have a name for her?" Thea asked.

"That's what I said."

"That seems like the most basic part of the lie."

"I agree."

"Anyway," I interrupted the sibling's banter. "Enough about me. How are you, Thea?"

"Just peachy." She took a long drink of her Old Fashioned, draining half the glass. Luca and I exchanged looks. "Just another dick weed at work making my life hard. He thought he could work on a case without me, because fuck me, right? A woman can't do the job as well as him. As you'd expect, he fucked it up, which is why I'm coming home at—" Thea looked at her watch. "8pm instead of five. I spent the entirety of the afternoon fixing all his fuck-ups."

"Is it Mark again?" Luca asked.

"Of course it's fucking Mark," Thea snapped with an eye roll.

"Mark, like your ex-boyfriend, Mark?"

"The one and only."

"Sounds like we both need new co-workers," I said and raised my glass.

Thea sighed and raised her glass against mine. Luca lifted his too, but we both pulled our glasses away.

"No, not you." I said.

"Why not me?"

"You teach six-year-olds the alphabet and then run around with them at recess. Absolutely not."

"But they put bugs on my desk."

"I'd take bugs over Mark," Thea said.

"I'd take bugs over Monica," I agreed.

"I'll cheers to that," Thea said. Our glasses resounded with a satisfying clink.