Fire and the Thud [Hiccup x Reader]

Still Take You Home

It was morning in seemingly no time, and I inhaled through my nose, pulling the covers closer around my body and absorbing the collected warmth.

All of a sudden, memories of last night came flooding back all at once. I felt like I was drowning in them, surrounded by the guilt and confusion. I threw my bedspread off of me, trying to calm myself down. It wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it out to be, and I would have to talk to Hiccup about it eventually. I took a deep breath, hoping it'd settle the endless spiral of nerves in my stomach before I managed to pull myself out of bed.

I made my way down the stairs, hearing a soft humming coming from nearby. I followed the melody with my eyes and was greeted by my mother doing the beds. She was fluffing a pillow up just as I reached the bottom step, so I waited a couple seconds before speaking.

"Morning, mom," I said quietly. She looked up, smiling as she set the pillow down.

"Good morning, flower! I barely saw you yesterday," she replied. I chewed on my bottom lip, unsure as to whether I should explain that situation or ignore her statement. However, my attention was captured by the lack of my aunt anywhere in the house. It was getting stranger and stranger not seeing her here, especially since the first weeks of our stay had featured her stuck upstairs nearly every minute of the day.

"Can I ask where my aunt has been the past week, and why her bed is down here now?" I tilted my head, gesturing to the one with the dark bedsheets that my mother had just been smoothing out. I noticed how her eyes lit up with my question.

"Oh, yes, I've been waiting to be able to tell you! It seems like she's gotten better now," she exclaimed. I felt my lips part open but I couldn't think of anything to say aside from the one word that escaped them.

"Really?"

"Yes! I didn't think she'd be getting better for a long time.. well, to be quite honest, I wasn't sure she'd get better at all," she confessed, rubbing the tips of her fingers along the edge of her jaw before shrugging loosely. I only nodded in response. I could sense there was more she wanted to say, so I waited.

"Well, another thing is that since your aunt is no longer ill, it seems she doesn't need us to take care of her anymore.." she hesitated, turning her focus onto the bed again.

"Where are you going with this?" I said slowly. I knew that gesture, where she wouldn't look at me and played with her fingers. I did it whenever I wanted to avoid something, and now I knew where I had picked it up from.

"Flower.."

"Mom," I interrupted her, staring intently. She sighed, clasping her hands together before holding my gaze.

"I'm going back home soon," she said.

It was my birthday all over again, with the sick feeling in my chest and disbelief inching up my throat.

"Not again," I whispered. I couldn't help the tears that started to spill down my cheeks. Everything was just so overwhelming the past day, I didn't even care at this point about crying.

"No, flower, you don't need those," my mom hushed me, surging forward and pulling me into a hug, the pads of her thumbs wiping away the wet trails. I didn't say anything. She pushed my hair away from my face before stepping back.

"You're 18 now, (Y/N). Technically the choice is yours," she added. I paused, sniffling as I took in her words.

"Why didn't I have a choice before, then?" I countered. She didn't respond, but I already knew my answer. If I had been selfish enough at the time to keep us from coming to help my aunt, I wouldn't have deserved any sort of choice.

"I've already spoken to Erica about it, and she's completely fine with you staying here if you want to live on Berk," my mother said instead.

"But you won't stay?"

"Flower, I moved to Aedria because it was better for me, for us; whether or not Berk is better for you is your choice now," she explained in a gentle voice. I appreciated the fact that she was so open to the possibility of me staying here whilst she did not, but it was such an important decision that I felt almost breathless.

"You can't just dump this on me and expect I have an answer," I said a few moments later.

"I do expect you to have an answer, just not this very second, flower. I'm planning on leaving in a week or so, you'll have enough time to think about it, okay?"

A week wasn't much better, but the knowledge of being able to have a handful of days to consider eased the tension in my body. I exhaled some of it before nodding, strolling to the front door.

"I'm going for a walk," I murmured. I heard my mother respond but I didn't pay any more attention, heading outside.
---
I had been wandering around the village for what felt like hours, as aimless as my thoughts had currently been. With each step I felt the weight of my choice, watching villagers bustling about. The more of them that I recognized, with their excited eyes and each a specific purpose in their own lives, I realized how cripplingly useless I felt here. Everyone had their job, their spot in the tribe. I had mine, but I lost it, and I wasn't sure how to get it back, whether it was even possible. I knew in the back of my mind that I was being unreasonable, but I really did have to consider all the possibilities now. Aedria didn't hold anything extravagant that came to mind, nothing that would automatically deserve my decision to return. And the one reason to stay here that came to mind was one I really did not want to acknowledge at this point. However, if I was going to be mature about this all, I would have to acknowledge it regardless.

My best friend was the sole purpose right now for me wanting to stay here. This sounded plausible, but I reminded myself that at this point in time, I definitely could not only consider Hiccup my best friend. Maybe 'helpless crush with whom I have no chance with' fitted better. But then there was the whole 'we kissed and it was he who initiated' dilemma, so now I wasn't even sure about lacking a chance, and everything was so complicated that I wanted to cease existing, just for a little bit.

"Hiccup," I thought aloud, looking around. All I had to do was talk to him about this. His response would be more influential than any of the seemingly pointless thoughts I was having.

I followed the path towards the Haddock household, trying to disregard the butterflies growing larger and larger in my stomach. I was nearing the blacksmith workshop when I noticed a familiar dragon sitting outside the entrance. I tilted my head, observing the area surrounding him before walking over.

"Hey, Toothless. Where's your rider?" I asked, scratching him gently.

"Uh, hi."

I flinched, spinning to see Hiccup in an awkward stance by the doorway.

"For a second, I thought he spoke," I said playfully, trying to lighten up the obvious uncomfortable atmosphere.

"And he sounded exactly like me, huh?" Hiccup murmured. For a moment I thought everything might be okay between us, but then he avoided my eyes and made his way over to Toothless, starting to adjust his saddle.

"I need to talk to you," I said. I ignored the slight panic on his face when I said that, waiting.

"Oh, uh, (Y/N), this isn't a good time.."

"I understand last night was.. weird, I guess, I don't know, but I really need to talk to you," I repeated.

"Yeah, exactly, that was pretty messed up, and this really isn't a good time," Hiccup insisted, climbing onto Toothless. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Just give me a second--"

"(Y/N), I don't want to talk to you right now," he snapped. I froze, eyes widening. I don't think I had ever seen Hiccup mildly pissed off before, and I already wasn't keen on it. Toothless seemed a bit surprised as well, a confused croon coming from him.

"Sorry, I'm just not.. I just need some space. Toothless and I are going flying, so.. We can talk in a couple days, alright?" Hiccup offered sheepishly. I started to protest but he gave me a pleading look, making me quiet myself. I clenched my jaw, raising an eyebrow as Toothless reluctantly took off.

"I suppose I've got my answer," I murmured bitterly, holding my forearm as I turned away.