✓THE SPACE BETWEEN THE STARS|| BakuDeku Au

Chapter Seventeen: . . . No Matter How Far.

"I'm not gonna ask you how you're doing . . ." he began softly, ". . . because you're just going to give a bullshit answer like 'I'm fine'. But you're not fine, and sitting here wallowing isn't going to help you,"

Katsuki flinched yet remained silent, tearing his eyes away from his brother and rolling over. "Well, thank you for that Dr. Phil. Maybe you can bring in my future life coach too?" he scoffed.

"Katsuki drop the damn act," Shinsou growled, shoving his hands roughly against Katsuki's back.

"Go away, Hitoshi,"

Shinsou, with a determined look set on his face, shoved him once more—this time a little harder so the boy's body rattled. Katsuki had stayed in his original spot, swatting his hand behind himself to smack the other boy.

"I mean it, Hitoshi, drop it."

The younger promptly ignored his brother's wishes, opting for shaking his shoulders rapidly. "No, you're right—" his motions came to a stop, "—I will stop. I mean obviously, you've already moved on and don't care that Izuku is dead, huh?"

Internally, Shinsou cringed at the lie that had just flowed off his tongue. He knew that wasn't true, he knew his brother cared deeply for his deceased friend—but he wanted . . . needed a reaction out of him. For Katsuki's sake.

"Excuse me?" Katsuki was up in record time, hands rolling into fists at his sides.  

"Well, it's just," Shinsou got up, walking around the room and picking up a few objects from Katsuki's desk. "a normal boyfriend would still be mourning. But clearly, since you're fine I guess you never really cared for Izuku, right?"

With narrowed eyes, Katsuki scoffs. "I know what you're doing and it's not going to work,"

"You don't care that you guys got into a fight before he died,"

The blond's heart hammered away in his chest, an onslaught of blood flooding his cheeks with warmth as he swallowed thickly.

"You don't care that you never got to see his body,"

He's just trying to make you upset, Katsuki had thought with closed eyes. He's just trying to make you upset. He's just trying to make you upset. He's just trying to make you—

"You don't care that he died thinking you hated him!"

Katsuki's hand shot over to his pillow, grabbing it and throwing it as hard as he could manage at the boy before him. A hot stream of tears stained his cheeks, his whole body vibrating from his sobs as he held his arms around his torso. 

"You don't think I know all that?" he screamed, the words ripping through his chest. "Huh, you don't that shit eats me up inside? I fucked up and before I had a chance to make it right Izuku died!"

The elder gasped as he choked on a sob, fingernails digging into his skin until crescent moons bloomed within the flesh. The rims of his eyes were coated a light red as salty tears spilled over the mounds of his chapped lips. Just saying the words aloud was . . . a relief and torture all at once for him.

"I miss him, Toshi . . . I miss him so much I can't fucking breathe!" Katsuki's words came out in a tear-filled whisper. "Every day I wake up and have something reminding me that he won't come back, so don't sit here and tell me I don't give a damn that he's gone. You don't know what it's like—Eijirou and Denki are still alive, you still get to wake up in their arms. What about me?!"

It was quiet between the two boys. Shinsou let out a wavering sigh as his throat constricted, growing thick and threatening to spill tears from his eyes. Tears that never came, no, he needed to be strong for his big brother. He needed to let him know it would be okay.