MANAL

46: Manal

My heart rate skyrocketed. I couldn't believe he was actually speaking to me on phone for the very first time. Wow!

Just when I summoned the courage to utter at least a word, I heard the phone beep, indicating the call had been ended.

I face-palmed and cringed at my own ridiculousness. I wondered what he must be thinking of me. I totally made a fool out of myself.

I wanted to call back, but I couldn't muster the courage—not after what had just happened.

I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, hoping for sleep to take over, but the moment my eyelids met, all I could see, was me making a fool of myself. Had I known this was how things were going to turn out, I wouldn't have even taken the initiative to call.

But above all, I was relieved that he was alright. Perhaps, he had been busy all day. I knew that wasn't an excuse per se, but I wanted to believe that so badly. I wanted to believe he held me in high esteem.

•

Just when I had lost hope in him calling me back, he did. He actually did! I sprung up in excitement and placed a hand on my racing heart in an attempt to soothe it. "Calm down! Calm down!" I breathed.

Just before the call could end, I quickly received.

"Assalamu alaikum." Came the voice I had gotten accustomed to in just moment.

"Wa..." I cleared my throat. I honestly didn't know why I was so nervous. It was uncalled for. "Waalaykum Salam."

"How are you doing?" He asked.

Not good. I so badly wanted to pour out my feelings to him, but because I didn't want to sound clingy, I held it back. It was not even as if we were in any sort of relationship. As painful as it was to admit, I knew he didn't owe me any explanation. "I'm fine."

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"How's school?"

"Fine." Again, my reply was curt.

"Earlier, I couldn't call back because I was driving." He began to explain.

I hummed. I didn't know why, but I felt it wasn't true and that he was just making up stories. I didn't trust his words. Why would I? He hadn't even given me a single reason to.

"Oh! Okay." I swallowed. "I just called to find out if you were alright. I'm glad you are. Bye." I put the phone away from my ear and ended the call before he could respond.

I released the breath I didn't realize I had been holding and put the phone beside me. I was disappointed—disappointed because this wasn't how I visioned our first conversation over the phone to be. I, for one thought it'd be worthwhile. I thought we would talk at length and get familiar with each other, but unfortunately, reverse was the case. The phone call seemed to have deteriorated the situation. His voice was distant. It felt like he was being forced to speak to me. Low-key, I wished he hadn't called. At least, I'd be free to feed myself with whatever excuse I wanted—an excuse that wouldn't get me all riled up and insecure about myself.

I was still deep in my reverie, when the ringtone of my phone startled me.

Uninterested, I reached for my phone.  To say I was taken aback by the name I saw on my screen, was an understatement. I was surprised because of anything, but due to the fact that he called right after I had terminated the phone call on him. The chances I thought I had of him calling or even texting me again was actually zero point zero five percent. "Is he calling to apologize again?" I quickly clicked on the receive button, but too late the call ended.