I love your scars {soukoku} TW⚠️

Part 5: so this is love?

We were walking back to my place in complete silence. I don't know what to say there are no words that come to mind. I don't want to ask anything too personal seeing as how I just met him. Although at the same time I did just help him. But I don't want to trigger anything. I also don't want to say anything too casual or he might think I don't care.

As my mind was racing thinking of what to say we arrived at my apartment. And we continued to walk in silence, with the occasional wince of pain from Dazai. Once we entered I forgot how little furniture I have, I couldn't simply ask him to stand or I have a feeling he might fall over. I guided him to the bathroom so that I can dress his wounds. I sat him down on the tub and retrieved the medicine kit, and started to work on cleaning and dressing his wounds. 

I took his shirt off and immediately he started shaking. 

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"..." no response. 

"Are you cold?" I asked.

"..." still nothing.

Well I guess I better do this quick. He seems very uncomfortable, not just from his injuries. I got out the alcohol wipes and started to get some of the dried blood off of his body. While I was working on that I felt a droplet of water on my hand. I looked up only to see Dazai with tears in his eyes and a look of confusion on his face. 

"What's wrong? I know it hurts but I'm almost done, it won't take long." 

I grabbed the bandages from my kit and started to wrap up his torso. It was kind of awkward being that close to a guy that I just met, but it was necessary. The entire time I was fixing his wounds I felt him staring at me. 

"Do you have any other open wounds?" I asked. If there are any other wounds its likely that those have been damaged as well. I would feel responsible if there were to get infected. All he did was nod. 

"May I?" I motion to his pants. He closes his eyes and nods. I unbuckle his pants and strategically took them off, only to reveal the same coverage of scars and other open wounds. He started to shake even more violently. My heart skipped a beat. 'did he do this to himself?' 'what if it was someone else? either way he's not safe where he is right now, with whoever he lives with nor by himself.'

I start to clean off some of the cuts on his thighs, and slowly moved down to his shins, and checked to make sure none of them were infected. After a thorough cleaning I wrapped up his legs.   

"...why?..." He whispered.

"Why what?" I asked.

"Why are you helping me?"

I had to stare into his eyes for a while to tell if this guy was joking or not. His eyes read genuine fear and confusion. 

It wasn't the question that threw me off guard, it was what that question implied. The idea of compassion was so far from the mind of this drowning person. He was self-destructive and most likely self-loathing. The question "why?" implies that he has never known kindness when he is in this state of sorrow. 

"Why?...Because, there are still good loving people in the world. Because you needed to know what it's like to feel loved." 

I said these things trying to suppress the urge to say "I love you, Dazai." 

Authors note: Hi Hi! Thank you for reading! Please vote and leave a comment and I'll respond! If you want to follow I plan on starting another story after I finished this one. Also If you have any requests or ideas for the story let me know!(^///^)