I love your scars {soukoku} TW⚠️

Part 8: bad dreams T/W

T/w  rape/sexual assault and other twisted shit

"Hey! So you're Dazai?"

I walked closer to the senior.
I know that voice.

"What are you staring at? Am I that handsome?"

It's the voice that haunts my nightmares. The voice that whispers horrible things.

"Are you ok?"

The voice may sound innocent. It sounds sweet and caring. However, I never wanted to know how demented and ominous it could become. People lie all the time. The only thing that a person can truly be defined by is their actions. Just like how a guy can whisper "I love you." In your ear only to turn around and have a love affair with another.(a/n only an analogy) So no matter how loving someone's voice is, how sweet their words are, how good they make you feel, if they don't show it then everything is only and illusion.

Some people have taken illusions to be an art form. They perfect their skill only to practice on innocent naive people. They leave them broken and shattered. Some take it further and break their very soul only to leave them to pick up the pieces, if they have the strength to. Some remain broken for the remainder of their existence.

"You are Dazai, right?"

"Huh?... Yes?" I refocused.

"I got your letter. I'm interested too. I was wondering what you were doing tonight?" The voice said.

I looked to see who was talking. A blur in the space where his face is supposed to be. I don't remember his face, I think my mind has made it so I don't remember. It was just too traumatic to think about that I can't even see his damn face.

I feel completely out of control. Like I'm stuck inside my body watching as this unravels yet again

"I'm not busy tonight." My mouth moved.

No!!! Don't say that! Why am I saying stuff I don't want to?

"Great let's meet up at 9!" The senior exclaimed.

"Why so late?" My mouth asked.

"That's when I get off my shift."

"Ok! See you then!"

"Yeah." He leaned in and whispered in my ear."Wear something nice."

No. This is all wrong! If I had known I would never have gone along with it.

~later that evening~

Text:

D: I'm here in the park. Where are you it's been 20 minutes?

V:I'm almost there I just had to grab something from home. I'll be there soon.

I waited and waited and waited. It was almost 10:30 by the time I hear his foot steps approaching.

"Hey! Are you alright? What took you so long?" I asked. " You smell of alcohol."

"You know Dazai, I heard that you were gay from they other in our academic club, so I wanted to give it a try."

My stomach dropped.I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS BODY!

"W~what do you m mean?" My voice quivered.

He grabbed my arm pulling me so close our noses were practically touching.

"I want to give it a try." He growled.

I yanked my arm away and tried to run. But he was much faster than I. He tackled me to the ground, then got up and dragged me to some bushes out of sight of anyone that would walk by. He grabbed something from his coat and shoved it in my mouth. Putting his hand over my mouth and grabbing a hold of some of my hair he banged my head against the ground until I swallowed.

It all happened so fast I could barely do anything about it.

After I had swallowed what ever that was my body felt limp and weak. And that's when he stripped me in the middle of the park. And had his way with me. He had touched the most vulnerable parts of me, all for the sake of curiosity. I feel disgusted, I feel like a toy. An object only to be desired, used, and tossed aside once his pleasuring was done. Nothing but an object, with no voice, no strength, and no will to live.

I tried to say stop, I tried to cry for help but to no avail. I was alone with this monster who disguised himself as a friend only to take advantage of my emotions. All of it ended with this guy who I had admired from a far abusing my body, taking away my purity.

"You know this wasn't as fun as I thought it'd be." He said after doing it countless times. "But thanks for the ride." He pulled his pants up and stumbled away still intoxicated from earlier.

He left me there exposed, exhausted, and empty inside. All I could do was softly cry until I found the strength to get up and go home.

"...~dazai~..."

"...dazai..."

"DAZAI!"

I jolted awake. Where am I???

"Dazai?"

I was so shocked I fell off the bed. Backing away from the source of the voice.

"Hey, hey it's ok. It was just a nightmare. You're at my place remember." The redhead reassured. "It's ok."

It's Chuuya I'm so happy it was just a nightmare. " ~I'm sorry~" I whimpered.

"There nothing to be sorry about. I just heard you crying in your sleep. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked so sweetly.

I could feel the hot tears growing behind my eyes and trickling down my face. The headache that means that there's is going to be little to no sign of stopping soon and the quickening of my breathing.

I finally was able to mutter out; "l~i don't want to be alive anymore. I hate my body. It only causes PAIN."

A/N: hello hello!! Thank you so much for all the encouragement. The song in the header is something I wrote and created so let me know if you like it. I also have an Instagram it's @ pandatea314. So if you wanna just chat share ideas I'd love to hear them! Thank you again and sorry it took so long for an update(つ≧▽≦)つ