Lose Myself: A Brittana Story

Resolved...Right?

I've been laying in bed for a week, and my mother thinks I'm sick. She's been bringing me my school work so I could do it, but I didn't actually take the time to do them. I haven't really gotten up to talk to anyone in a while. My phone is off, but I already know I have a bunch of missed calls and messages. I know I should probably talk to Santana. She didn't do anything wrong, technically. She said that our thing was a secret, meaning she could make out with whoever she wants. But it still hurts. It hurts so much to know I have to be her secret. Just the thought makes my heart race, so I fumble for my bottle of pills. I dry swallow three of them before forcing myself to get out of bed. My joints ache, and my head is pounding. I stumble out of my room, and I go downstairs. I have to stop midway through because I start seeing double and I almost fall. I go into the living room, and my mother is there with a book in her hand. 

"Brittany! Brittany do you feel better?" she jumps up and runs over to me 

"Y-yeah. I-I feel fine," I lie. She looks skeptical, but instead of questioning she just nods. 

"Santana kept calling the house phone, she said you weren't answering your phone. Did something happen between you guys?" she asks 

"Nope, nothing happened between us mom. I was just tired, I didn't have the energy to answer," I say 

"Okay. You should probably talk to her then," she says 

"I-I guess," I say, suddenly feeling very nervous. 

After downing 5 glasses of water, trying to quench the dry pinching in the back of my throat, I get ready to go to Santana's house. I feel bad for ignoring her when she didn't really do anything that bad. 

I somehow muster enough energy to walk to her house without passing out. I ring the doorbell, and she doesn't come at first. I ring the doorbell again and I hear her shout. 

"I'M COMING CALM DOWN-," I hear her footsteps getting closer to the door, "Brittany! Are you okay? Where have you been?" 

She practically tackles me with a hug, and I do my best to hug back.

"I've been fine San. I was just sick," I lie 

She pulls me up the stairs, and to her room. I sit on her bed cautiously, and she looks at me with questioning eyes. 

"Britt, why were you mad at me before?" she asks 

I think back to Kurt's advice. Tell her. But I can't tell her. At least not tell her everything. 

"I-I saw you with Puck at Breadstix the other day," I say

"When? Oh, wait- Shit B, I'm sorry" she says 

"It's fine," I say looking down

"No, it's not. I'm sorry. This was right after I told you I was willing to try us out. But I already had the date with Puck planned before that," she says

"Okay, San. I... it's just... You're my best friend. But I really like you. And I don't know how you feel in that way, but it just hurt seeing you with him, y'know?" My heart starts racing as I say the words, and I see her eyes travel across my face. 

"I- I like you too B, I do. But like I said, I don't know what it means yet. I....I don't know," she says 

"Yeah," I say 

She moves over to me and presses a soft kiss to my lips 

"Puck means nothing to me, you know that right?" she asks

"Yeah I know," I say 

She pulls me into a hug, and I smile. 

"B, are you still sick? Your skin is really warm," she says 

"I-I don't think so. I feel fine," I say. I feel bad for lying, but I can't tell her. I can't.

"Okay," she presses another quick kiss to my lips, and she pulls me to stand up with her. 

"How about.... we go out to Beadstix? Like on a... a d-date?" she stutters. I smile at how nervous she is, before nodding 

"Sure San, of course, we can," I say

"Great. How about later tonight?" she asks

"Uhhh, I can't do tonight. How's tomorrow?" I suggest. I'm not busy today, but I feel horrible. I don't want to go on a date with her and end up spacing out every 5 seconds.

"Yeah, sure. Tomorrow's good," she says, "But... it can't look like a date B. It has to seem like, I don't know, we're just hanging out," she says 

"Okay," I nod. It's kind of disappointing, but I'm willing to be patient with her. She's not ready for this and I need to give her time. 

"Also.... B you know how long it's taken for me to build up my reputation. I... I still have to go out with Puck sometimes. People expect me to. So, if I ever go out with him, please don't get mad," she says with her brows furrowed. 

"O-okay. That's cool," I say nodding. It's not exactly ideal, but I can accept that. She wraps me into another hug, and I immediately feel my heart rate so down again. She presses a kiss to my cheek, and I smile. 

"So we're good now?" she asks with a hopeful look in her eyes

"We're good now," I nod 

She holds out her pinky to me. I link mines with hers, and she smiles

"You're amazing B," she says 

"You're not so bad yourself," I say back with a big smile on my face. I smile no one has seen in years. A real smile.

(A/N: How'd you guys like the chapter? LMK, and if you have any suggestions, just tell me them. Ok, bye)