courage

Prologue

I know you guys are here for Ruel, but just read this for some background to the real story. I promise it's getting there. -El

Indi's P.O.V. - December 3, 2020

God, I'm gonna miss her. She's not just my best friend, but so much more. Now she has to go. 

Tyler is the most wonderful friend ever, but the government cancelled her families visas last month, so she's going back to South Africa for good now, I may never see her again. Friends come and go, but just over a year ago, we went to a music festival and I fell in love with her. Out of nowhere, I felt all sorts of things I had only felt about guys before. Her hair was so beautiful and her laugh made me want to cry. I needed her to know this if I was never going to see her again, and that's why I'm now racing from my illegally parked car into Sydney airport, the place she has to leave from.

"Tyler!" I call out to her, racing through the busy airport. She spots me through the crowd and runs over. "I know I said goodbye yesterday, but I couldn't stay home when I knew you were here."

"It's ok," she laughs, "I knew you were going to come anyway." Her laugh, my everything. I hand her an envelope. "What's this?" she asks.

"It's a letter, from me. It's really important, but you have to promise me you won't open it until you're walking away from me, until you can't turn back." She looks so scared, I just want to tell her it's alright, but it isn't. That letter contains my heart and soul, everything I've ever felt for her is written in those pages.

"Indi, what's going on?"

"Promise me, Tyler," 

She must hear the desperation in my voice, because she replies quietly, "Ok, I promise." I go in for one more hug, and a squeeze her so tight, I think I'll never let go. Finally, I do.

"You need to go, time to fly home I guess," Her face goes sad.

"Indi, this is my home, I'll always want to be here with you," she replies. Nonetheless, she walks over to her family, who stand at the escalator leading to their gate. "I'll call you when I get there!" She calls out with a quick wave, then turns to face away from me. 

She's fiddling with something on her way up. No, she's opening the envelope. Oh no, this isn't happening, it's too soon. She has to open it after she walks through the gate, so she can't turn back.

Maybe she won't read the firsts few sentences fast enough. Maybe she won't turn around, but she does. Horror? Despair? Heartache? I can't tell what she's feeling from the still emotion on her face. Maybe I should go to her, but I don't. Instead, I pick up all the spilt emotions and walk back to my car. It's too late now. 

From behind me, I hear her call my name and run after me, but I don't stop walking. After a few seconds, she stops trying to call me back. From somewhere in the airport I hear her call out, "I'll see you in a few years!" And It's all over.

*****

When I get home, I cry. A lot. But I also force it out of me. She's gone now, there's nothing left to feel. I refuse to feel. Everything I've ever felt will go right into a song. Yes, that's how I'll get rid of it. Songs are the best way to think, I write them when I feel too much. My mind is completely hazy, but I am just able to note down a quick guitar rhythm and start writing in my old Moleskine notebook;

I gave her my heart when we were dancing in the dark,

And she broke it, but it isn't her fault.

Every goodbye that she says is a dagger in the chest,

I can't blame her, how could she have known?