Guilt

Chapter 4

"Just so I know, is this entire conversation going to be like you're my therapist?" Emma asked. It came out ruder than she intended, but Regina didn't take any offense. She remembered herself being exactly like this and even in the brief time she'd known and talked to Emma, it surprised her how much she recognized herself in the blonde.

"I'm here to understand and help you. I'm just trying to figure out what the best way is to do that," Regina answered calmly. Emma didn't reply and just looked at Regina, waiting for the next question which she was sure would come. "Daniel died when I was twenty two," Regina said.

Emma looked confused and she had no idea what the brunette was talking about. She'd expected another question about her feelings - not this.

"He was my neighbor and best friend. We'd hang out almost every day ever since we were little kids." Regina smiled faintly at the distant memory. "When we got older, our friendship grew into more and when we were sixteen, we were officially together."

Emma listened intently to every word Regina was saying. It was such an adorable story. One that Emma would dream of when she was younger. Although she already knew this story wouldn't end well.

"When he was nineteen, he got diagnosed with cancer," Regina said softly. "He beat it. The first time, at least. Later, the illness returned and he was too weak to continue fighting for his life. Even though I could've seen his death coming, it didn't make it any easier."

It stayed silent for a moment. Emma knew there was no good way to respond to this. It simply sucked. Nothing she would say would make it better. Losing loved ones was hard and nothing anyone would say would make it better.

"I know it looks like you're alone in that moment, but there are people who understand you, or try to. Take it from me, the worst thing you can do right now is push people away. Although no one seems to even remotely understand your loss, they want to help and they do care."

Emma let Regina's words sink in. She knew she had been pushing people away. At first, she liked having people around her to cope with the pain, but after a while she didn't keep in touch with anyone but Ruby and a few other people.

She didn't allow herself to enjoy life to the fullest. What was even the point? She'd wondered that for such a long time. What was even the point of living if everything died eventually?

The only reason she hadn't fully broken down was Hope. She wanted to be there for her daughter. She wanted to be stable for her daughter, because she didn't want Hope to lose both parents.

"I know how hard it is," Emma eventually said. "And to go through that at such a young age is so horrible. I admire you for being able to make something of yourself. At least, that's how it seems to me. I don't know you that well to really know what you're thinking and feeling, but you seem like a strong woman."

A weak smile appeared in Regina's lips and she nodded slowly. "Thank you," she said softly and she looked Emma in the eyes. "That truly means a lot to me."

Emma knew Regina was waiting for her to explain what happened with Killian, but she didn't really know how to start. She never had to tell what had happened, because the entire town had known exactly what had happened to her husband. He'd been an important figure in Storybrooke.

About six months earlier, the day it happened...

Emma was awful at keeping secrets, but that was part of what Killian loved so much about her. He knew how hard she'd tried to keep the surprise party a secret, but as chaotic as she is, she left hints all around.

That was exactly the reason why Killian wasn't upset when Emma called him, telling him their dinner in the restaurant was off the table and he had to come home.