Requiem for his soul

Chapter 4

Dear Ginny,

Hope this reaches you safely, I will try to keep this as short as possible, I have been assigned a mission, away from the War effort, I'm not helping anyone by being here, I need to research, use my brain and knowledge, I never was much good on the battle field anyways. Please tell Ron I am sorry and that I still Love him, always. I don't know when I will return.

Do not owl back.

They will not know where to find me.

x x Hermione

Tears spilled down her sore eyes as she signed her name onto the paper. She's sick of them. Sick of the salty liquid that falls from her eyes, pouring into the oceans she has cried, only at the end to drown in them herself.

After Ron's outburst she had spoken to Lupin as her only close confidant besides Ginny. She didn't particularly like him as much as she did before, but he lost Tonks and that changed him, the way losing Harry had changed her. He was more business, more serious, the spark that drove him to success had long been burned out. His eyes glistening like the moon that transformed him into his other self, the feral side, had turned to stone, unnerving. But the most noticeable trait that made her realize he hid behind a mask, the same way she did, was the fact that he didn't carry anymore chocolate with him, nothing to help him cast a patronus. All his happy memories were now filled with an empty void of sadness, driven only by war tactics and torture methods.

But that's exactly what made her choose him of all people to talk to. He would get her out, on a mission, something, anything worthwhile. As much as she refused to admit it to herself, Ron's words stung, she took them to heart even though she knew he becomes irrational in the moment. It all hurt nonetheless. Even after all these years his outburst never seemed to subside, leaving her to always carry the brunt of it. But she still loved him, and only stayed for him.

Two fucking days of silence

She should be angry but, besides her tears, she's exhausted. She's leaving. Somewhere far perhaps? But alas it is not as far as she intended, if she could she would run. But it's Harry that's stopping her. He would tell her she is the "most brilliant and bravest girl he had ever known, and without her they wouldn't stand a chance ," but then she watched him fall to the ground and take his last surviving breath, she had failed to keep him alive. Well so much for being the "brightest witch of her age" everything she did and was, was always for him, for Ron, but he's gone and Ron refuses to maintain eye contact with her, let alone let her help him out in anyway.

She had enough, and as Lupin was her easiest contact, she decided to help the war effort from afar. They had mutually agreed that she is definitely more resourceful with her skills as researcher instead. But he wanted to keep her close to the war, just in case.

Hermione went to him looking like a sunken corpse, with bloody bandages wrapped around her arms, and to her relief no wedding ring, she assumed maybe it was her horrid appearance for him to take some pity on her, or maybe the fact that she let go of her resentment towards him for the failed mission, where they lost Padma. Like she said, she wasn't angry.

Not anymore.

She remembers the state he was in, not much better than hers, sitting in the ruins of Grimmuald place surrounded by newspapers, articles and future plans to better the Order. Yet his eyes were hard, his hair hadn't seemed to be washed in ages, clearly grown out along with his beard which just made him seem older, but she supposed they all had experience things enough for many lifetimes, they all seemed older now. Despite the ruins he purposely put himself in, his main concern, were that their numbers were decreasing rapidly, while more people joined the Death eaters, their army increasing. Any planned strategy for attack for offence would just be leading people straight to their death.