Paridiots {VOLUME 1}: How to Survive a Fantasy World with a Party Full of Idiots

[7] Oddly Enough, They Hallucinate

"Me me love... egg salad sandwiches..."

Today was a typical free day in the life of our idiot party. Due to popular demand, I had dragged Seiko and Blair into town with me for a shopping spree, and as per always, Seiko had purchased one of her beloved egg salad sandwiches.

"Seiko, if egg salad sandwiches disappeared from the world one day, what would you do?"

"Cry about it!" Seiko purred, taking another bite out of said sandwich. "But then we can just make more, right, meow?"

I rubbed my chin. "What if all the supplies disappeared?"

"Gather new ones."

"What if you couldn't?"

"The human race would start disappearing if all our food supplies did too, y'know!!"

I snorted, running a hand through my hair. "It was all just hypothetical, anyway. Call it... a social experiment of sorts."

"Meow? Well, I'd still cry about it. That's my final answer!"

"You two are odd," Blair placed a hand on her hip. "Our original goal was to purchase food supplies, was it not?"

"Something like that," I sighed. "But little miss Seiko here got distracted by the prospect of egg salad sandwiches, so we had to take a bit of a detour."

"I don't see why you need supplies yourself when there is a kitchen at the inn, though."

"Weeellll," I spun around, crossing my arms and lifting my chin. "I did some calculations the other day. Apparently, it's cheaper to buy supplies and cook your own food than it is to buy a meal every day for the rest of your life. Convenient, right? And pretty smart of me, if I say so myself."

"...Do you even have the appliances to cook, though?"

"I-ah..." Crap. I didn't think about that. Do I have to buy a whole portable grill for one small inn room? Ahhh, that would cost a fortune! N. O. P. E! "I'll just make sandwiches, then..."

"Oooh, what if we go pick some fruits?" Seiko offered, pointing in the direction of the toucan forest. "There were berries there, right? Then surely there must be some other yummy goods deep within!"

"There is a flaw with your 'genius' plan," Blair piped in. "How are we to tell what is poisonous and what is not? Unless one of you has some miraculous survival knowledge, then there is the potential outcome of harm."

"Thennnn let's just use Koemi as our sacrifice, meow!"

"M-me?!" I scoffed. "I'm, like, the most valuable member here! You all would be dead without me."

"Hmmm..."

"Riiight."

I exhaled, pulling my arms behind my back. Idiots. They don't realize how truly skilled I am. I could wipe out a whole crowd of crabs single handedly if I really tried!

Errr, maybe not.

"Here, let me start," Seiko bounced in the direction of the forest, Blair and I nervously coming in behind. "Look at these nice, red berries, meow! Koemi, taste test!"

She shoved one into my mouth, and I spat it out almost immediately. "What did I say about being valuable? Do you guys really despise me that much?!"

Seiko ignored me, tapping her head. "I s'pose you're not dead or complaining yet. That means they must be good, right?"

She picked one out herself, holding it up to her mouth and taking a slow bite. "Mmmm! I bet these berries would work wonderfully with my egg salad sandwiches, meow! Let's take em!"