This Insane Expierence

Oh. My. Gawd. SNOW!! <33

The next morning I woke up to people having a conversation in the living room. I heard my name more than once, and figured it'd be best for me to listen in. "Calling Beyond is out of the question. He's a murderer and I don't want him around my sister." I heard Light say ferociously. "Light, with the way Tosh's condition is set, calling Beyond may be our only option is she is ever to be the way she was." L explained. "You said yourself, reading her journal could act as a trigger. How much longer until we're in?" Light asked in a pissed off tone of voice. "I can't get in without the password. Tosh was smart, not only is it password specific, it's DNA specific as well. Tosh would have to enter the password herself." This was where I decided to make my big entrance. I walked out into the living room, jammies on and all, and took the book away from Matt. I stared at the numeric keypad for several minutes, before starting to type in a number. 54211. The journal unlocked. "How did you do that?" Light asked incredulously. "Muscles have memories too. When you type something in a bunch, your fingers remember how to type them in. So, I have no idea what these numbers mean, but I know that it's the password." I explained, having done some 'light' reading the night before. I sat down on the couch, inbetween L and Matt, opening the book slowly. The first page was dated March 7th. Everything else was blank. I flipped through the book, and each page only ever held a date. Nothing more. Everyone looked so shocked. A stray tear fell from my eye. I was never going to remember. I looked over at Light, who looked so upset, and angry, just a look from him would have killed me. "Fine L. You win." He muttered before leaving the room, and slamming the door behind him. I wiped away my tear, and waited for someone to say something. "Tosh, I'm going to need to borrow your phone." L said tonelessly. "Oh, uh, sure." I replied, handing it over. L excused himself so he could go make a call, and I broke down in tears. Matt pulled me to his side, and Mello sat next to me, rubbing my back gently. It felt like I would never know who I was. There was an empty hole inside my chest, that I simply couldn't fill. After my mini breakdown, Matt suggested that the pair of us go sledding. Which majorly confused me, because I didn't think there was any snow outside. But, after checking the window, I saw about seven inches of powder on the ground. I don't know what it was about snow that made me so eager to go outside, but I could hardly contain myself while I was getting ready. I ended up wearing a striped shirt, and red jeans, because apparently that's all I own. I threw on a scarf, and wool gloves, before bouncing into the 'lobby' downstairs, where Matt was waiting with two, single person sleds. L had already approved our little outing, hoping it would bring back my memories. I hoped so too, but I didn't want to get my hopes too high, for fear of them being crushed. Matt and I walked a couple of blocks to a hilly park. There were midgets everywhere. Some of them throwing snowballs, some of them sledding, and some of them playing tag. My jaw dropped. This was going to be so much fun! "Race you to that hill!" Matt said pointing across the park. I grinned, "You're so on!" I took off in a full on sprint, dashing around trees and children. I felt an arm wrap around my waist, and pulled me to the ground. "Matt! That's cheating!" I giggled, trying to wiggle free. "It's not cheating if you like it!" He exclaimed, adjusting, so I couldn't get up. "Who says I like it?" I asked, pouting just a bit. "You'd better stick that lip in, I might steal it." Matt murmured. I stuck my lower lip out further. That was the move that sold my fate. Matt leaned down, and pressed his warm lips to mine. We moved in perfect rhythm with each other. As cold as it was, I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything but us. I didn't freeze up, and I stop. The only reason we stopped, was to breathe. "Well, that was interesting." Matt panted. "You said it." I said, flopping my head back on the snow. He rolled off of me, and laid down to my left. "So- did you uh- would you like to- I mean- uh-" Boys are dumb. "I'd love to." I replied, rolling over to face him. My face felt like a tomato, but my toes felt like ice. Matt grinned at my response, and helped me off the cold ground. "Then let the sledding commence, Milady." We held hands and went to the big hill.
The next three hours were filled to the brim with snowy fun. We sled together, rolled around, threw snowballs, made snowmen, had hot coco, and finally went home. I may have had frostbite. But it was totally worth it. Don't think of me badly for doing this. I get it. I just lost my whole life in one fail swoop, and it makes sense for me to be clinging to the closest thing. But that is not what this thing is. I really like Matt. I really, really do, and remembering things wouldn't change that. So anyways, when we got back to HQ, everyone was not so patiently awaiting our return. They all wanted to know if I'd remembered anything yet. Strawberry Jam. Yeah, you heard me right, I got a flash of a pale hand, reaching into a jar of strawberry jam. That's it. After I'd said that I'd seen that, the room got dead silent. I was missing something important, and I had no fucking clue what. "You guys aren't telling me something. I don't appreciate secrets." I said coldly. "We've told you everything." L said, not meeting my gaze. "Then why can't you look me in the eye?" I asked, before stomping upstairs. It's my life, don't I deserve to know what I'm missing? This isn't fair! When I got up to our floor, I took a long, hot shower, and flopped on my bed. There has to be something I can do to speed up this process. I opened up my laptop, and started fooling around. I glanced over at the email tab to see that I had fifteen unread emails. That's peculiar. I clicked the litte envelop, and scrolled down the feed. Every email was from thejamlovingpsycho@gmail.com. I clicked on the first one, dated today.

Tosh,

I don't know what I was thinking. I majorly fucked up bad this time. L called and said you were in an accident. I'm on my way to Japan right now. Just do me a favour and please be alive when I get there. L told me next to nothing about you're condition. Just hang in there, I'm going to come and make everything right. I think you should know, I picked you. It took me a while to realize what the fuck I was doing, but I love you, and this is right. I'll be seeing you shortly.

BB

I read over that email seven or eight times. Who the hell is BB? I closed the laptop and groaned in frustration. This is all so confusing. There was a soft tapping on my door. Uhg, people. I dragged my cozy ass out of bed, and opened the door. It was Matt, holding a red velvet cupcake. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, holding out the delicious ball of yummy. "I'm not mad at you." I smiled a bit, let go of the door, and sat back on my bed. "You seemed pretty pissed downstairs." He replied, setting the cupcake on my nightstand and sitting next to me. "I just- this whole thing is so complicated. I guess I just snapped." I sighed. The past couple days have been anything but easy. Matt pulled me to him, "It's been hard on everybody. Things will be all better soon, I promise." This made me smile. What did I do to deserve such great people in my life? If only I could remember.