broken as i • a kylo ren story

xvii (lv)

you began to relax a bit and felt your stress levels decrease. "i gotta give it to you, thats a solid plan."

"i know- no reason to remind me" he jokingly rolled his eyes, "but im not done yet. like i said before you interrupted me-"

"sorry okay!" you interrupted yet again, "oops"

"anyways, nobody will suspect anything, and if they do i will uh...handle them. plus, think about it y/n: the first order will most likely just fall apart when we leave. sure, there are people here that will try and take the organization over and become the ruler- supreme leader, but it will eventually become too much of a chaotic mess that its downfall will approach soon. i mean, if hux were alive then our departure would need much more attention- but he isnt. if it comes down to it, the res- nevermind. nevertheless, the order will become nothing. even if it still had supporters and those dickheads who are going to try and revive it, it'll become nothing over than a group who was blindsided- just how i was." kylo said as he cut the eye-contact between the 2 of you.

"hey hey, it's all good now. better late than never that you finally opened your eyes to what was right...right?"

"but i slaughtered so many y/n. i dont even know- i dont even want to know how many. you're right, but in the process of realizing.. i destroyed so much: lives, villages- and there is nobody to blame except me. sure i had help from the first order, but at the end of the day i could've stopped it. i am responsible for it all, and i cant take any of it back." kylos vision began to blur as tears clouded his eyes, but it went back to normal as you wiped them away.

"i have 2 words for you, and i want you to listen okay?" you questioned as your heart ached seeing how kylo was. you could tell he truly regretted it, and half of what he said was true- he couldnt take it back. but, the other half of what he said wasnt all that correct.

he slightly nodded his head, and you delicately leaned forward a bit. "no. snoke." you simply stated.

"he manipulated you, and he is the reason you turned- remember that." you continued on. "but that chapter is over...hm? fresh start or whatever... for the both of us." you gave him a small smile which seemingly lightened the energy within the room abruptly.

kylo was beyond grateful that he had you. it was almost like all this time, you were what was missing from his life. before, he felt like there was something more that he needed. he always told himself that it was power, more darkness- but deep down he knew it to not be true. evidently, he found what he was looking for... and he couldnt seem to be more satisfied with it.

you hopped off of him and snuggled up to his side, grabbing onto his arm. "so it is settled. we take them wit- oh no! what about peter and wyatt? also, that nurse that works in the front...damn whats her name-"

"aubree. if you cant remember her name, do you really think she means much to you? we cant take everyone y/n, you know that."

"you're right you're right... but it just feels wrong leaving them here. the force will reconnect us though, i believe in that." you closed your eyes for a split second. "we'll only need 2 ships then. leanna, etta and piers on one and both of us then jaxx on the other. right?"

"that sounds about good." kylo said looking at you. "when should we go?"

without hesitation, without really even thinking, you blurted out "now. we should go now."

"now?" kylo raised an eyebrow.

"yeah, like you said before, there's no reason for us to be here anymore. we shouldnt waste any time... fuck the first order and lets get the fuck outta here woot-woot!" you slightly screamed as you jumped up and started doing a dance on top of the bed- raising your middle fingers up in the air.