Schizophrenia. [LP AU] 卌

» 09.

 you know running away from a mental ward has never been so easy. i didn't expect to be able to waltz out of the building without any signs of security; i mean after all you'd expect people to be alert at all times due to most of the people inside being mentally unstable. thought, that wasn't the case here. i guess that might be because people are so unstable that they wouldn't be able to be smart enough to figure out how to escape. all apart from sasha and i. well mostly it was her  evil genius mind, though.

however. we spoke ever so soon as suddenly there was a loud alarm blaring as we crossed half way of the parking lot, and i look at sasha alarmed. she didn't look scared at all. she looked at me as if nothing was even going on?! how can she be so calm?! is he used to this sort of things?!

"just keep walking, and don't panic." easier said then done, but i followed her instructions despite my heart hammering rapidly against my chest like a fast drum.
i felt all weak and unstable though so for some reason i found my hand clasping with sasha's. she looks down at it for a few seconds and i notice the corner of her lips curving up slightly as she smirked, "aw the guy i like is a complete pussy."

i ignored the rest of her comment, and focused solemnly on the fact that she called me 'the guy i like'. she likes me?! really?!
does she feel what i feel?! clearly. i don't know what to say! my face heats so much in embarrassment but i say holding her hand through it all.

as we eventually make it out of the mental hospital's building and the parking lot, we now stand side by side on the grey cobbled pavement just watching the world go by. there was no cars zooming by; it was almost deserted. i felt almost at peace.

peace. danielle said for me to always try and find my inner peace to keep myself sane. i don't know why she would say that, or why i'd even remember but it's done now. think about that beautiful young woman makes my heart long for her more and more; despite having sasha with me right now. i'm so confused.

why do i think of danielle all the time? i don't even understand.

"li. you okay? you're not gonna back out on me, are you?" sasha looks at me wearily and i shake my head firmly. of course not. "good. do you have any loose change, we need to catch a bus." no. i don't, and again i do the same action with my head. she lets out a light groan in frustration. so we made it out, but we're not stumped as what to do now. i feel frustration welling up inside me because of not being prepared for this. i grabbed a backpack, stuffed all my things in and left. i didn't think i would even make it out the ward let alone the whole building.

i closed my eyes, which i do a lot to calm my nerves down, and think hard about something else. i need go focus on something else. i relieve memories of danielle and i, and how happy we were together. doctor popper is an idiot because she believes danielle is bad for me; that i should also stay away from her.
as well as her being only a fragment of my imagination. that she isn't real nor anyone is. that my imagination gets the better of me all the time and i'm too weak to have any self control over it.

bullshit.

+++

"liam. liam get up." i slowly opened my eyes, curling out of my tight ball of protection with my vision hazy at first but then i realise where i was. sasha was in front of me first of all and i was crouched down on the pavement, "what the hell happened? i went away for one second and suddenly you're acting like you have a period of something!" she raises an eyebrow at me, expecting for me to tell her everything. i don't though. i don't want her to realise how insane i was.

"do you have any water?" i look at her hopelessly and scoffed.

"i have piss." i grimace slightly and sigh. this was pathetic. i needed water to have the antidepressants the doctor prescribed me to have. it had been helping me sleep at night without the recurring dreams. just thinking about them made me think of nathan, and suddenly he was there, standing beside me. his greeny grey eyes held so much sly evilness, his wicked smirk was dominant on his handsome features. i guess that's why danielle went for him. he's never been ugly. were i was. i was fat at one point in my life and everyone hated me, that's why when my mum died i had no friends except nathan. that's why i clung onto nathan because i didn't want to lose my one and only friend, the way i lost my mum. he kneels down next to me and just stares at me. i want to know what's going around in that crazy head of his. i want to know why he's even here first of all.