Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 10 ~ Hannah

Chapter 10 ~ Hannah

I’m getting paranoid. I’m expecting him to pop up out of nowhere in any moment, but the day goes by and he doesn’t show his face. I’m tensed all the time, ready to jump and do something to send him away, but Harry Boy-band doesn’t make an appearance and he hasn’t done it in more than a week. Sometimes I think it’s because he finally understood that I don’t want to see his face, but then this paranoiac side of me tells me he’s just waiting until I let my guard down to show up. And I won’t let that happen.

Savannah just laughs at me, she says that I shouldn’t care that much, that if Harry appears, it wouldn’t be the end of the world to me. She says that because she likes him, for which I feel like she’s betraying me. She only says it’s because he gets emotions from me that no one else can and for that reason, he has her approval.

That part is true, the one that he gets emotions from me that I forgot I could experience, even though they are not nice reactions. Nevertheless, he gets them, which –I’m not going to lie– it’s an improvement, even my therapist says so. But I don’t like him. He pushes me farther out of my comfort zone and he doesn’t even know me. I was confused for a moment and I even thought that maybe I should stop hating on him, but then I realised I don’t need him. Maybe, later on in my life, I’ll meet another person who will wake me up the way he does and it won’t be as unpleasant as it is with him. Even if I don’t despise him the way I do, he’s not someone nice to have around. I honestly don’t think he is around to make friends with me and I certainly don’t want a relationship with someone like Harry Boy-band.

Who would want a relationship with a womaniser? Who would like to be with someone who can’t avoid being in some kind of scandal? Who would like to be with someone who barely spends time in his own home? Who would like to be with someone who has millions of girls –and boys– throwing themselves at his feet?

Certainly, not me.

I’m not looking for a relationship and if I ever do, it’s not going to be with someone like him. I would like something nice, and relaxed, a relationship that allows me to be comfortable with myself and that doesn’t make me wonder all the time if he had cheated on me again with another older woman.

Harry Styles is no boyfriend material.

When I go down and find Dad going through the channels and see that there are new rumours about Harry Styles leaving a party with many girls I just grow more secure about my thoughts about him. I don’t want to be even friends with someone like him. I’m not that stupid.

What bothers me the most about him is that I can’t get him out of my mind. Even if I’m imagining myself running him over with the crane from the garage, he’s still there, always present in my mind. I wake up wondering whether today he will appear in the garage or not and my day revolves around that. If I don’t see him, it’s a good day. If I do, it’s a bad day. Simple as that.

Savannah tells me the fact that I can’t stop thinking of him, even if those are not nice thoughts, means something and that I should stop being so stubborn and accept that I don’t hate him as much as I say and that in fact I might even like him a tad bit. But she’s wrong. I don’t like him, not at all. I don’t want to see his face. I really hope he understood that he won’t get anywhere with me and he better go somewhere else.

* * *

“I come in peace,” I hear a voice and I tremble. Oh God, I recognise that voice even though I haven’t heard him in like two weeks. I thought I wasn’t going to see him anymore, but I was wrong. He is here.

Slowly, I turn around to meet his green eyes and I see the crooked smile playing on his lips. I don’t say anything, I’m just looking at him in disbelief. I really thought he wasn’t to show up again.