No Promises

chapter twelve

And somehow it's easy to believe him.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

He smiles and it eases the knots. "I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah." I nod of my head and lift my hand to wave goodbye. He waits for a moment too long in the archway of the door, and I think, that just maybe, there might be more but then the weight of Jonas' phone number in my phone brings me back down to reality.

We aren't happening.

Shaking anymore Greyson related thoughts from my head, I head down to the parking garage and climb into the driver's seat of my car with a smile on my lips. Maybe I don't have Stevie and Isla here to take this next step with me, but I'm at least comforted knowing they're going through the same, probably thinking about me too.

It makes doing this alone slightly easier, and by the time I get to campus, I still have thirty minutes to find my class. The courtyard outside is massive, and it takes me a good ten minutes to even find the building I'm looking for. The map I pulled up on my phone being little to no help, and I'm relieved when I see the door to the studio space my class is taking place in open. It quickly replaced by the crowd of students already inside, there's not a single person standing by themselves and I'm immediately hit with the frustration that it seems like they already know each other.

It's not usually a challenge for me to make friends. Everyone I've ever known has labelled me as outgoing, but it's because I force myself to be that way. In reality, all I do is think about my next wrong move and live in constant fear that I'm not going to be liked. University is a place for self-discovery, the next step in adulthood, sometimes the first, and it's terrifying. Possibly the most terrifying part is meeting people that are supposedly going to be friends for life.

I don't know why or how, but this is worse than high school.

I feel out of place.

Most people here have probably been building their portfolios for years, and I only just started. It somehow feels like I'm in a race I'm destined to lose. I'm not prepared for this. I've barely even started my artistic journey, but I'm here, and looking at a group of peers who are probably thinking I'm not ready for this. My art teacher warned me that this was going to be hard. Brutal, even. At the time, it hadn't scared me. A challenge is never something I've shied away from, but now that I'm here, I wish I would have thought this through better.

But would that have made this better? Probably not.

I'm grateful for the distraction when my phone buzzes, and a smile crosses my lips when I see Stevie's name on the screen with a photo attached. She grinning at the camera; her smile bright, and her blonde hair in messy waves, and she's holding her camera up.

Stevie
just cause we aren't together doesn't mean we can't have our first day photo.
missing you guys so much!

My lips curl up as I open my camera app and hold my phone up, tilting my head to the side as I make a pouty kiss face, bring my free hand up to blow a kiss to the camera. I send it in our group text at the same time as Isla sends her, her fair skin complimented by the yellow top she's wearing in her photo, holding up a peace sign as she grins in the photo.

Isla
CUTIES!

Robyn
Ugh, today would be so much better with you guys!

As soon as I hit send, my professor steps up to the front of the room and calls for our attention. She introduces herself to the class before going around the room to break the ice with all of us. When she gives us our first assignment, the stress of being her bleeds away and I fall into the happy place between.