Innocence lost

11

You woke up to Emily shaking you awake. Jack was sleeping beside you, his head resting in your lap. You jolt awake, looking at the digital clock in front of you.

"It's 6:00? What's going on?" You mumble sitting up.

"We found Hotch, and Haley." She says quietly looking over at Jack.

"And? What happened?" You ask.

"Foyet killed Haley." She starts. "They found Foyet beaten to death and Hotch cradling Haley's body."

"What?" You gasp. "Aaron killed him?" She nods.

"So, I think you should get home and get some rest." She says rubbing your arm. Suddenly you remembered, you're pregnant, with his baby.

"Yeah, okay." You say standing up, grabbing your purse. "Can you give me a ride to my car?" You ask.

"Sure, let's just go give Hotch Jack." She responded. You both stand, you scooping Jack into your arms still sleeping. You walk back to Aaron's hospital room, which he was back in.

"Hotch?" Emily says knocking on the door. Aaron didn't say anything, just turned over waiting for Jack. You walk over to him silently, placing Jack in his arms. The two of you lock eyes for a moment before you look away, turning to leave, before you're stopped by the sound of Aaron's voice.

"Y/n, wait." He yelled, you turn to look at him, gripping the strap of your purse so tightly your knuckles turned white. "Thank you. For watching Jack."

"Oh, of course. Anytime." You smile sweetly, turning to leave the hospital. You walk out, Emily to your side. You climb into the passenger seat of the SUV, sitting silently as she peels out of the parking lot.

"Y/n, you have to tell him-"

"I don't wanna talk about it." You interrupt looking out of the window.

"You have too, he's the father, he'll want to be a part of-"

"Emily, I said I don't want to talk about it, drop it please." You say without moving. She clears her throat before dropping you at your car.

"Y/n," She calls after you, you turn looking at her. "I'm really sorry. Call me, I'll keep you updated." You nod.

"Thanks Em," You say before getting into your car. You climb in, digging into your purse, pulling out your keys. You put the key in the ignition turning it. You peel out of the parking lot, flying to your apartment, you get there, quickly gathering your belongings and hurrying inside.

"So? How'd it go?" Sydney asks as you walk in, she was seated on the couch.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Sydney." You quietly say, scurrying to your bathroom. You strip off your clothes, feeling disgusting, like you're coated in hospital filth. You allow the water to heat up, pulling your hair from the restricting pony tail it's been in all day, running your fingers through it a few times before stepping into the shower. You stand there, closing your eyes, allowing the hot water to run down your face. You feel tears prick your eyes, but will them away. There's no point in crying about it, it is what it is. You take a few deep breaths, composing yourself before washing yourself and stepping out of the shower, wrapping yourself in a towel. You brush through your hair, taking out your contacts, putting on your glasses. You slip on a sweatshirt, some shorts, and fuzzy socks, and walk into the living room, dropping onto the couch next to Sydney, pulling out your phone.

"Aaron's not in the picture right now, and I don't want to get rid of it, but I can't do this on my own, will you go to a Dr's appointment with me?" You ask her, pulling your knees to your chest.

"Of course y/n, whatever you need." She says, her voice soft.

"Thank you. Since classes ended a while ago is there any day you particularly can't do?" You ask.

"No, I'll make it work." She responds.

"Okay." You say pulling out your phone dialing a number. "Hi this is Y/n Y/l/n, I'd like to make an appointment as soon as possible." You put the phone on speaker phone.

"Okay, what is the matter of this appointment?" The women asks.

"An ultrasound." You respond.

"And how far along are you?" She asks, you look up at Sydney, who is already doing the math.

"It's been about a month since you got back from Arkansas" She whispers.

"About a month." You respond, chewing on your thumb nail.

"Okay, I have an appointment tomorrow at 7:00 A.M., or today at 12:00." She says. You look up at Sydney again.

"Today." She whispers.

"I'll take the appointment today please." You respond, still gnawing on your thumb nail.

"Okay, I'll see you then Ms. Y/l/n, hey tell me, it there a father there?" She asks.

"No there won't be, my best friend's coming." You say into the phone.

"Okay, it's good to have support, I'll see you then, buh bye." You hang up the phone, setting it down.

"Noon's only in an hour." Sydney says.

"I know. I'm just putting on pants, I'm not getting all dressed." You say rolling off of the couch, walking back to your room.

"Okay. Be ready to go in 15." She yells, Sydney's always been better with time than you.

"Okay." You yell back, stepping into some black leggings and old uggs. It was the middle of October, just starting to get cold, so you slipped on a jacket, you wait for 10 minutes to pass before running out to your car, Sydney on your tail. You climb into the passenger seat, allowing her to drive.

"Put the address in the GPS." She says, mashing buttons on your display.

"Stop, stop you're going to lock it up." You say pushing in the address, before it pops up, the two of you peeling out of the parking lot. Sydney's short brown hair was half up, half down with a bun, a few baby hairs sticking out of the bun. Your long blonde hair was sloppily in a messy low bun.

"So what happened with Aaron?" She asks breaking the silence. You respond, explaining the whole ordeal. "He killed him?" She asks you nodding in response. "Oh my god."

"Yeah, so I'm just giving him space."

"But you didn't even tell him you're pregnant?" She asks.

"No."

"Well, he might not want space from his sperm." She says poking your stomach.

"Stop." You laugh, swatting her hand away.

"Okay, but for real. You have got to tell him." She says.

"I know." You respond looking out the window. The rest of the ride is silent until you pull into the parking lot.

"Ready?" Sydney asks, you nodding in response. You both climb out of the car, meeting in front, walking together into the office. You make your way to the receptionist desk, Sydney looping her elbow through yours. "We've got an appointment for Y/n Y/l/n, at 12." Sydney says. You look up at the women.

"Which one of you is the patient?" She asks.

"I am." You say, your voice meek.

"Beautiful skin." She says smiling slightly.

"T-thanks?" You say awkwardly looking at Sydney.

"The doctor will see you now." She says. "Follow me." She says standing. She's a tall slim women with brown hair and swoop bangs. You follow her into a room with several machines and tools and a screen on the wall, you step up, settling on the uncomfortable bed centered in the room, Sydney walking over to the counter with gloves.

"Ooh, y/n look." You hear her say. You turn your head to see her filling a glove with water.

"What the hell are you doing? They're gonna come in and see you." You whisper as if someone can hear.

"Fine. I'll pour it out, but I'm bringing gloves home." She says pouring it out, you rolling your eyes.

"Y/n?" A women says opening the door. She's petite, blonde, blue eyed, young. You jolt at her voice, Sydney's hands flying behind her back.

"Yes." You say, stretching out your hand, she takes it shaking softly, her hands are cold.

"No dad?" She asks.

"Not at the moment." You smile. "This is my best friend, Sydney." You say, hearing latex being stretched. The doctor stretches her hand out to Sydney, her stretching out a gloved hand to meet hers.

"Sydney, nice to meet you. Sorry, germaphobe." She says shrugging. The doctor chuckles softly focusing her eyes back on you.

"I'm Dr. Brooks, today we should do an ultrasound." She says closing her hands softly.

"Okay."

"And how far along are you?" She asks.

"Well, I've been on birth control, but I forgot to take it about a month ago for a weekend." You say quietly.

"Did you have a set routine you took them?" She asks sitting on a stool in front of you, typing at her computer.

"Um, I kind of just took them whenever I had the chance, but every day for the most part." You reply.

"Okay, well the chances of pregnancy go up 9% if you don't take your birth control consistently, at a set time, each day." She says not looking away from her computer. You glance at Sydney, who is pulling apart a cotton ball.

"Syd." You whisper, her looking up and walking behind your bed. "I didn't know that." You say to the doctor.

"Yep. Most women who get pregnant on birth control don't. So we'll just do a quick ultrasound, and determine how far along you are." She says standing and smiling. "Lay on back for me." You do so, laying back, pulling your shirt up. She squirts some cold gel on your stomach before using the transducer to spread it around. You shiver at the temperature before you hear a loud wooshing sound.

"That's your baby's heartbeat." She says. Sydney scoots a chair next to your bed, her eyes settled on the screen. Your eyes widen, and mouth opens as you see a small white dot on the ultrasound screen.

"That right there," She says pointing. "Is your very healthy baby." You smile, resting your head back knowing you're baby is healthy.

"And you appear to be just under 3 months pregnant." She says. You whip your head to look at her.

"But, the first time we had sex was 3 months ago." You say.

"It can happen. Even on birth control." She says looking intensely at the screen. "Would you like pictures?" You nod.

"Please." You say not tearing your eyes off of the screen. You couldn't seem to process the fact that there's a little person growing inside you. In just 6 months, you'll be giving birth to a mini you or Aaron. You start to tear up when she turns off the machine, wiping the gel off of your stomach before pulling your shirt back down.

"You ok?" Sydney asks. You look up at her.

"I'm perfect right now." You answer smiling.