Broken

Chapter 2: Mornings

I wake up to my mom yelling my name from her bedroom, "Scarlet! Why the fuck are you still in bed?! It's already 7 o'clock in the morning, you have school! Now stop being lazy and get your ass up before I ground you!" This is a common thing I hear in the mornings. My mom tends to think I'm always tired because I stay up too late on my iPod or just flat out enjoy getting her mad, but in all reality I just can't get up. I mean part of me doesn't blame her, I made her think I've gotten "better" and that getting up isn't a struggle for me. I've done that to my whole family. I lied. As I sit up and force myself out of bed I realize the gauze pad I put on my right thigh is stained red. "Damn it," I whisper to myself while searching my sheets and blankets to make sure no blood has seeped through. Lucky, I only find that there is the slightest bit on my pajama pants but not enough to notice. "Thank God," I say while getting up and walking slowly out my bedroom door. I walk into the bathroom and walk over to the sink. "It's just another day Scarlet, nothing new. You can do it," I mumble to myself as I look up at the mirror in front of me. Damn, I look terrible! The circles around my eyes have gotten darker since I last bothered to check. Isn't it just wonderful getting little to no sleep every night? I sigh and look down to the scale on the cold tile floor. |Should I?? It's only been 8 hours.| I think to myself, as I carelessly pick up the scale and move it to a better area in the bathroom. Standing still, I repetitively worry about the number I will see when I look down, I'm terrified. After about 30 seconds of arguing with myself I finally look down..... The sight of the number makes me want to puke. It's been 8 hours and I weigh more then the last time I checked. The desire to be thin is extremely overwhelming. It's time to starve again today; I need to be thinner. I wipe my eyes, stopping the tears from falling. Then I step back down onto the floor and place the scale back under my sink. I sigh, look over at the shower, and check the time. |FUCK IT'S 7:15!!! MY MOM IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!| I rush into the shower and wash my hair and body. I quickly rip off my gauze pad and fuck that stung like hell. As I rinse of my leg I see the stains of blood slowly fade away and down the drain. I cringe at the stinging feeling overcoming my leg, and I soon get chills running up my body. I know my mom is coming. Soon enough the bathroom door swings open allowing the cold air to flow into the bathroom, and it surrounds my shaking body. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?! YOUR BROTHER NEEDS TO GET TO SCHOOL SOON AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN OUT OF THE SHOWER!", my mothers screaming sinks into the bathroom walls and fills my eyes with tears of fright. I quickly say in a shallow, reserving voice, "Okay I'm sorry. I will be out soon, I promise." My mother takes a deep sigh, "Whatever. Just hurry the fuck up!" and I hear the bathroom door shut. I quickly finish up my shower and ready myself for school. Slipping on my skinny jeans slowly and quickly putting on my sweater, I take one last look in the mirror and turn around out into the hallway. I silently grab my backpack and figure I can just put my makeup on in the car. I hear my mom call my name to get going and run out to the living room. They are both sitting on the couch giving me, what I like to call, the "you're taking to long, hurry the fuck up" look. Motioning towards the door, I take a step outside. The fall breeze and scent of crumbling leaves overwhelms me, and I run to the car. After we drop off my brother and start to drive towards my school, I hear my mom finally say, "You know I'm sick and tired of you making James late every morning. You need to get your act together or I'll make sure you get no time to yourself anymore. Wake up earlier and this won't be a problem........." Her lecture fades away as we approach my school. I take one last look in the mirror for the day, pick up my backpack, and move out of the car. As I start to slowly approach the building, I put on my fake grin. That's when I look at the crowd ahead of me.
|Time to put on that smile.|