Collection

Hit Me With Your Best Shot.

Something I wrote for Aniqua before she slipped through my fingers yet again. (5/10/2020)

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Sometimes I am struck senseless by just how much I love you.

It knocks the breath from my lungs everytime.

You are my world.

You are everything important and everything that matters, you are the little everyday things that make life special even when they're constantly taken for granted, you are the voice in my head that tells me everything will be okay.

You are my most loyal supporter, one of my fiercest defenders...my knight in well-worn armor.

I can be doing anything.

Reading, watching tv, listening to music, smoking...shit, I can be already texting you or reading old messages because we are sickeningly cute.

You will cross my mind and all the air vanishes from my lungs, the colors around will get brighter, and my body will feel energized but I will be paralyzed by this love I have for you.

You cartwheel across the landscape that holds my thoughts and everything around me ceases to exist.

I love you.

Even more than you think I do, though I know I'm not always the best at showing it.

I love your endless consideration of me and my feelings. I love the way you talk to me, the way we interact, the way we connect. I love your indecisiveness and your chaotic ass mind and your rude ass comments and your pessimistic, macabre outlook on life. I love your insecurities, your every flaw and imperfection. I love your voice and your laugh and your smile and the way you drag my name out, all frustrated and adorably whiny and exasperated, when I'm getting on your nerves. I love how much you love your family, even though they don't always make you feel the best. I love how you don't give a fuck but when you care it consumes everything you are. I love how passionate you are about the shit you love and I love hearing you rant and rave and spazz about the things you hate and don't like and the things that piss you off. I love how you react to the world around you, how you observe and analyze everything, how your mind processes everything in the blink of an eye and just keeps moving at the speed of light.

I love how you've let me in, how you continue to let me in, even though I'm sure it's scary as hell for you. I love love love when you express all those emotions that swirl around in your heart and head. I love hearing about your day and your life and I love existing at the same time that you're existing and I absolutely adore us existing together.

I love the way you love me; from little things you say here and there about our future to those extensive, tear-jerking paragraphs I love waking up to that I read probably once every day, even down to when you're doing shit just to get ridiculous reactions out of me.

I love the darkness that is in you, it matches mine and it makes me feel so seen and so understood.

I love how patient you are with me, reassuring me and my irrational fears a million and one times even when I know your head feels like it's about to explode, talking me down from fucking stress attack after stress attack, chuckling while telling me to calm the hell down in that way you have.

I love how you know me, how you can predict what I'm gonna do and say before it even forms in my mind, the way you can make me feel better just by being yourself.

Those moments when you don't know what to say to make everything okay? I think that's when I know you care the most. Just how hard you try to get me out of my head, to make me think of something else, even when you're floundering it makes me feel better just knowing the things that you're willing to do for me.

I also love loving you. I don't know if you know that.

I love how loving you makes me feel, how it makes the world feel, how it makes life feel.

I love how strong it makes me feel, how invincible even when I'm being all vulnerable and soft the way I get for you, how capable.

I love going throughout my day and loving you, seeing things that remind me of you and telling you about them, talking to you about the things that happen in my life, complaining about all the things I can't do, annoying you into next week and then into next month, up until next lifetime.

I love waking up to your messages and talking to you all day. I love telling you goodnight and having you say it back, even though I'd much rather be falling asleep next to you.

I love frustrating you, annoying you, boosting that big beautiful ass head of yours. I love making you smile and one of my favorite things to do is to be the reason you throw your head back and laugh till your cheeks hurt, I love love love making you laugh woman. It makes me feel so useful and warm and happy.

It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something good with my life, as opposed to ruining everything I touch.

YOU make me feel...like I can do good, like I can be good. You make me want to be the best version of myself I can be: the best woman, the best man, the best person, period.

I love loving you because loving you makes me feel...alive, is the only word that comes close. Loving you makes me feel everything: the blood in my veins and arteries, my heart beating in my chest, every follicle for every strand of hair on my body, every bodily process, every shift in the air...loving you makes me feel powerful, superhuman, untouchable.

Loving you has changed literally every part of who I am. Loving you has made me fall in love with myself, has made me discover parts of myself I didn't know existed, has had me all sorts of out of my comfort zone, has changed my view on life and love and women and relationships in general, has driven me up the walls and through the roof just to land right back next to you in paradise.

Loving and being loved by you is by far the best thing to ever happen to me and I cannot wait to make millions of memories with you, our basketball team of kiddos, and the army of pets that I'm sure we'll end up having.

I love you so much woman and I am super excited and more than ready to spend the rest of our life never letting you forget it, to spend the rest of our life keeping that big smile on your face, to spend the rest of our life making you as happy as you make me everyday.