minecraft gf 丨tommyinnit x reader

-11-

she wanted to throw up, she wanted to to hide, she wanted to do all these things but she was locked in place, staring at herself. nick must of noticed her absence because when she finally looked to the doorway she saw him standing there with a soft expression. she shook her head and managed to say "i'm fine, i don't want to ruin anything" she forced a smile

"y/n" he hesitated "i dont know what you're thinking right now, all i know is it's not worth it. all i know is sitting in here are five people that love you, one more than the rest, but five people that will always be here, whatever is happening, please tell someone" his voice stayed steady but his eyes were pleading

y/n looked down. she felt guilt for making anyone worry, she felt guilty for projecting her problems to someone else. she managed to mumble a silent thank you, but he stayed standing there. he stay until she showed a little movement. putting on another smile she rejoined the rest sat next to tommy. he looked down to her and whispered not wanting to place any attention on her "you ok?"

she hummed softly and closed her eyes for a moment before feeling a familiar touch on her shoulder. y/n brought her legs up next to her and absentmindedly traced small figures on the boys leg.

it was obvious the others noticed something was off, she was normally very talkative and remained silent. most brushed it aside but it remained prominent in nicks mind.

eventually george decided on setting out in search of food, he was accomponied by tubbo and purpled. nick shot y/n a look as if asking for approval before hesitantly starting "you don't have to of course and i can leave if that's easier but what was that about"

tommy looked down confused and felt her body tense

"so i've been getting messages from, someone. but they keep sending me pictures of myself, saying that i should break up with tommy or whatever. it's not a big deal i'm probably just overreacting" her voice lowered near the end, she was unsure how'd they respond

"wait they sent another? let me see" a worried expression spread across tommy's phone as read through the messages. there was more from the days past but she either didn't notice or ignored them. he handed the phone to sapnap after looking through

"what the hell when did this start?" his voice got louder as he looked to the couple

she shrugged and he scrolled up to see the first message "ill break the fuckers kneecaps" he said

y/n had intentionally sat with tommy since it was out of view of the window, regardless she stood and covered the curtains before regaining her original position. although she spoke calmly her nervous energy was directed to her fingers which were tapping against the surface of the couch.

"are you ok?" he threw the phone back and it landed on the couch on the other side of her, she nodded and tried to smile

"i'm ok" she wanted to reassure everyone. but she knew they were right. the words rang through her head. you're still broken you're still broken you're still broken. you don't just move and suddenly pick up all the pieces others left. it wasn't that simple. obviously as a streamer your bound to get weird messages, but the pictures were too much. everything they said drove deep and she felt herself fall apart little by little. she was ugly, she was stupid, she was worthless, she was unlovable. this had been reinforced for so long, simply because it was true.

she didn't even realize the tears until she opened her eyes and saw the wet pool forming on tommys shirt. her eyes flicked between the two boys and she finally talked once more "i want to say everything that happened" she started and was met with two nods

"before i moved, i was in a relationship. about a year, but either way he was very toxic. extremely controlling, posessive, manipulative, deprived me of any physical affection. he told me who i am and i believed it" she wanted to leave, she hated telling others "or i still do i suppose. but whatever, it ended badly and i barely made it out alive. i had friends of course, and one in particular helped mostly in the beginning. whatever happened, happened. she changed and i lost her too. she was the same as him, if not worse" she didn't even know if they could hear anymore, her voice rang in her own ears "i was driven to other comforts, pain and drugs. of course i went to therapy, i'd been on the medicine but i thought i was better" she choked back a sob "i need to know that i can be better" her head was in her hands, she didn't want to look at either of them

<tommy pov>

he didn't know what to say. he looked to sapnap for some sign but he looked just as distant. his attention turned back to the girl next to him, he wanted to hold her, but she looked so far away. he wanted to tell her it would be ok, but she wouldn't believe him. he wanted her to know how much he loved her, and so he tried.

"i was a fucking drug addict, after all the shit i've done to myself i can't even stand to see myself in a mirror, nobody would" she somehow managed to say

finally bringing himself back his senses he placed his hand on her back lightly and rubbed small circles. "love you're not perfect, and nobody expects you to be. i've known you for what a year now? and you're my best friend. you're so much more than that even. you mean the world to me, scars or not." there was no simple way to explain the happiness that filled him when she brought her head up.

a/n
sorry for the lack of updates ! my mental health has taken a hit and i couldn't find any motivation :( however i'm excited to get back into this, i think it's nearing the end but we'll see. everyone have an amazing day !!!

sidenote, feraltwt how we feeling