want you back. [𝚍𝚓𝚜]

t͓̽h͓̽i͓̽r͓̽t͓̽y͓̽s͓̽i͓̽x͓̽. y͓̽o͓̽u͓̽'l͓̽l͓̽ b͓̽e͓̽ a͓̽l͓̽r͓̽i͓̽g͓̽h͓̽t͓̽

she shook her head and pulled her hand away from his, sitting up and pushing the covers off of her, "i'm not angry with you, isaac" she reassured him. she stood from her bed and turned to face her brother, "well, are you coming or not?"

he jumped up from the bed excitedly, quickly making his way to her bedroom door before she had the chance to change her mind. he opened the door and motioned toward it, "lead the way, little sis"

❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿

she was beginning to wish she'd stayed home.

don't get her wrong, she loved the c4 house and each individual member and she loved spending time with them, but at this very moment, she almost envied them.

she watched from her spot on the couch, tucked under daniels arm, as her friends laughed and joked around with one another. they reminisced and shared funny stories, and she so badly wanted to join — wanted to be able to laugh with them and mean it.

eleanor wasn't good at hiding her emotions. whether she was mad, upset, happy, or sad, whoever she was with was going to know it. so, as she shrugged daniels arm off her shoulder and stood from the couch, making her way through the back door and taking a seat by the pool, she felt all her friends eyes on her.

she knew someone was bound to follow her, but she was shocked to see who had stepped up to the plate.

"this seat taken?"

she looked up and came face to face with JC, who motioned to the open space beside her.

"it's all yours" she shrugged, returning her attention back to the water in front of her

"i feel like you an i don't hang out enough" he admitted, bringing his knees up to his chest as he stared straight ahead

she nodded in agreement, barely sparing him a glance, "yeah, but that's not what you came out here for, is it?"

he gave her a half shrug, "i just came out here to talk to one of my friends. what we talk about is completely up to you"

she hummed in appreciation, thankful that he wasn't out here to coax her into speaking about her feelings ; she'd done enough of that lately, and the constant messages from her friends , although she was extremely grateful for them, were beginning to drive her crazy.

she would talk when she was ready. she wished they would understand that.

"how have things been with daniel?"

"they're great" she sent him a tight lipped smile, running her hand through her hair to ease some of the anxiety that was creeping up on her, "i feel like i'm drowning" she admitted, not being able to stop herself from voicing her thoughts.

JC turned to face to her, signaling that she had his full attention.

"everyone keeps telling me that i shouldn't blame myself for her death" she continued, "and i mean i don't. i cant, you know? it was something that was out of my control..."

"...but?"

"but i shouldve reached out to her." she concluded, reaching up to wipe away the stray tear that'd managed to make its way down her face

"why do you put so much pressure on yourself?" the older boy wondered, "you're not perfect, len. you're still young and you've got a lot to learn as a person" he reached over and place his hand on her knee in a friendly way, "you can't keep blaming yourself for not reaching out.. your mom could've done the same"

she turned her attention to the sky, repeatedly blinking in hopes of keeping her tears at bay. all her friends had told her the same thing ; it wasn't her fault and it would never be her fault.

deep down, she knew they were right. but she was never good at putting blame on other people and she was never good at dealing with loss, so having to deal with both at once was something that was extremely difficult for her.

"youre 20 years old, eleanor" he reminded the young walker girl, "you've still got so much to experience and so much to learn"

"but my mom-"

"but you're mom would agree with me. with your friends" he interrupted, "i didn't know your mom, and from the way you and your brother talk, neither did you guys. but i'm sure she loved the both of you and thought of you everyday. she wouldn't want you to shield yourself from the world, or from the people who love and care about you. don't do that to your brother. or to daniel. they love you and they want to be there for you. we all do"

by the end of his speech, eleanor couldn't hold in her cries. JC frowned, reaching over and squeezing the younger girls hand as a way of comfort.

"i'm sorry" she cried, "i'm such a mess"

he shook his head and breathed out a laugh, "you're not a mess, len. you're in mourning. it's okay. things are never going to be perfect, but you're going to be okay, alright?"

"i'm not good at sharing my feelings"

"i think you did a wonderful job" he nudged her , "besides, you don't always need to share your feelings. just don't shut us out"

she nodded, "thank you, JC"

he shrugged, "what are friends for?" he stood from his spot and reached out his hand to her, "what do you say we go back in there? i have a feeling daniels getting antsy"

she let out a laugh and accepted his offer, allowing him to pull her up from her spot on the ground.

as she followed him back into the house, she took into consideration everything that he'd said to her.

he was right. she was young and she still had a lot to learn — a lot to experience. and although yes, she did miss her mom and she did feel guilty for the lack of a relationship with her, she couldn't let it hold her captive.

she was so used to closing herself off, dealing with her issues herself , that she'd forgotten she didn't need to. she had a loving family, loving friends, and a loving boyfriend who would be there for her every step of the way.

a year ago, eleanor wouldve never thought this is where life would take her, but as she made her way back into the house and into the arms of the man she was so in love with, she couldn't be happier that this is where she'd ended up.

❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿ ❀✿
wanted to do a lil jc moment bc i feel like he would be such a supportive friend. there's a lil message in this story and if you didn't catch it, it was telling you to enjoy life as best you can. things will never be perfect , but you can make the best out of everything. i love you. you're loved. and if there ever comes a time you don't feel like you are, message me and let's talk. i hope you guys enjoy your day / night. love y'all <3  p.s : only a couple chapters left!