FOR YOU ; jungwon

CHAPTER 10

[14 December 2021]

Dear Jungwon,

Today is a good day. The weather is nice and peaceful. My father haven't gotten home since yesterday so it's almost perfect. A perfect time to write my confession. I know you don't see me anything but just best friend or sister. Nothing more, nothing less. And I tell you, it is not mutual. I should have stopped my feelings before but I can't. It's not that I can control my feelings anyway. Being with you just makes me happy and complete. When I'm with you, I'm home because you are my home. You're probably not comfortable reading this confession letter but if you still want me to continue, then just continue reading. If not, then toss this letter in a trash bin near you. Jungwon, I love you. The day you told me the result of the audition, was also the same day I planned on confessing my feelings to you. But of course it didn't happen because what for? We're best friend and I don't want you to feel down or guilty thinking about me and my stupid feelings when you're achieving your dreams. I don't want to be a destruction to you and to your dreams, that's why I held it and hoped for it to fade when you're away since I will not see you, talk to you or just be by your side... Or at least to be with your presence. But guess what? It didn't fade just like what I planned. Instead, I fell deeper than I thought. Deeper than what I expected and deeper than what I imagined. I'm scared. I'm afraid that if one day, I didn't get to see you for good, I'm afraid I might do things that I shouldn't do. I'm afraid what will happen to me. You're my anchor and my home, the only person who can ease me and can push my demons back as if they're not existing in the first place. You're the only one who's keeping me alive. If you don't feel the same way, it's alright. I just need to get this out of my chest. Aish, why am I crying? Anyways, please take care of yourself and rest if you're tired. Eat whenever you're hungry and always smile. It's okay to cry though. I don't know what will happen next after I sent you this letter, I don't know if you'll still going to read my future letters because I know, just by confessing my feelings to you can ruin everything. Can damage and leave a big hole in our friendship. I'm going to lie if I say it's okay but I know the consequences of confessing my unrequited love. I love you and I miss you, Yang Jungwon. Merry Christmas!

Your friend,
Hanseol